


Paranoid Android

by supercasey



Series: Sanders Sides Fics [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Brother-Brother Relationships, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Child Favoritisim, Child Neglect, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Deceit's A+ Parenting, Drama, Family Drama, Father-Son Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Isolation, M/M, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Death, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Running Away, Teen Angst, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Wrestling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2020-10-17 13:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 67,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercasey/pseuds/supercasey
Summary: It’s not every day that a Side comes to be… first there was Logic, then Morality, then Creativity, then Deceit, then Procrastination… for awhile, that’s all there was, and no one expected anyone else to appear. Then, one day, a young boy appeared in the mind palace, dressed in black and crying tears dark as ink. At the time, Thomas was in middle school, and everyone was more or less too busy to locate the new addition. However, the boy wasn’t left to wander the palace for long… no, Deceit found him first, and recognizing the growing animosity between the Sides, he’s taken the child under his wing, and he’s determined to mold this young Side to become powerful; powerful enough to put him in control of the mind palace and by extension Thomas.Deceit thinks that what he’s doing is right- that everything he’s doing, it’s for his young son’s benefit- but Paranoia is unbelievably curious, and it’s going to take a lot more than manipulation and lies to keep him from becoming the man he’s meant to be.





	1. A Work in Progress

**Author's Note:**

> I blame my older sister for this; she got me into Sanders Sides, and of fucking course I latched onto Virgil right away, so… this. And yes, I believe in the theories that Virgil used to be Paranoia, and that Procrastination is going to be the next Side (although, I certainly like the idea that Wrath/Anger could be a potential Side as well). I hope you guys enjoy this, the idea just wouldn’t leave me alone! Btw, sorry if Logan comes off as a jerk in this fic; that's not my intention (I actually really like Logan), but he's definitely pretty harsh with Deceit and the other Dark Sides.

It’s not every day that a Side comes to be.

The first is Logic, obviously. He appears sometime while Thomas is a mere infant, quick to stop the baby from crawling off of a table; he had seen one of Thomas’s elder brothers fall off the counter just a few days ago, and he now understood what would happen. The second is Morality, stopping a three-year-old Thomas from pinching his baby brother after the younger boy had pulled on his hair, telling him such a thing would be wrong to do. Creativity isn’t very far behind, giving Thomas a multitude of fun pretend games to play, often pushing him to draw and explore more. Finally, Deceit shows up only a year or so after Creativity, using Thomas’s voice in order to lie about what had happened to their homework, as Logic forgot to convince Thomas to do it the night before. Although it’s saved them from getting in trouble, the other Sides aren’t nearly as appreciative of the gesture as much as Thomas is (though he doesn’t know at this point to thank Deceit for his contribution), and they make this known.

Logic- or Logan, as he’s begun calling himself since Thomas turned five- is beyond frustrated with this turn of events. “There’s no point in _ lying,  _ Deceit,” Logan scolds, glaring hatefully at the newly formed Side. “Had we simply explained to the teacher that we forgot-”

“-We would have been in trouble, and the teacher would have called home, which would lead to even  _ more  _ trouble over such a  _ small  _ mistake,” Deceit explains, not at all appreciating his peer’s criticism. “Admit it, Logic; I made the right call.”

“It’s wrong to lie!” Morality insists, joining in on the scolding. “Please, Deceit… just, let us handle things from here on out, okay? We’ll just work harder to get our homework done in the future! A little extra effort never hurt anybody, right?”

“And what happens when someone forgets again?” Deceit asks, eyes on Logan as he speaks, subtly blaming the more logical Side for this whole mess. “I understand that my job is not as savory for in your eyes, but I assure you, with my help, Thomas will only  _ thrive.” _

“He wo-” Before Logan can finish, Creativity finally throws in his own two cents.

“-Give him some slack, boys,” Creativity chides, appearing just as regal as ever, dressed in a multitude of robes and jewelry; he’s been nicknamed  _ ‘The King’ _ for a reason. “He was only trying to help, that’s all. Weren’t you, Deceit?”

Deceit huffs through gritted teeth, finding Creativity’s wording a tad infantilizing. “Yes, I was indeed only trying to help, and I stand by my point. I did what was necessary in order to keep Thomas safe.”

The other Sides- save for Creativity, who spares Deceit a small smile full of reassurance- simply leave it at that, Logan hurrying off to help Thomas with homework while Morality scurries off to tidy up the mind palace. Although it was such a small thing- a little white lie, which would never be uncovered by the teacher- the other Sides never really get over it, only ever thinking of Deceit as a troublemaker from this day forward. It’s not a very fun role that he fills, but as no one else can fill it… well, Deceit’s fine with his lot in life.

At least, that’s what he tells himself. It’s easy to lie when you’re the personification of dishonesty, making lying even to oneself commonplace.

* * *

Thomas grows older. This is to be expected, as all children are meant to grow up at some point, both physically and mentally. The other Sides grow alongside him, oftentimes skipping years to be just a  _ little _ older than Thomas, so as to act as authority figures in the boy’s life, at least on a subconscious level. Logan has always been older than Thomas by a few years, usually being five to six years older than him, possibly to mimic the similar age gap between Thomas and his older brothers. Patton is much the same, attempting to be a father figure in the boy’s life by appearing older, but not any older than Logan. Deceit keeps himself at Logan’s age, if only to irk the other Side, but it also makes him feel stronger as a result, filled with a sense of authority and regality. Romulus follows suit, certainly not wanting to be a child compared to the others, though he can occasionally act like one sometimes. By the time Procrastination shows up, everyone is already fifteen when Thomas is ten, the lot of them more than a little surprised when a new Side walks into the mind palace’s living room, coming out of seemingly nowhere.

“Um…  _ hello?” _ Patton greets him first, practically leaping to stand in front of the newly born Side. He holds out his hand to him, trying to be polite. “I’m Patton, but everyone here tends to call me Dad! Welcome to the family, kiddo!”

“No one here refers to you as their father, Patton,” Romulus points out, chuckling at Patton’s chipperness. He comes to stand with Patton, flashing the newcomer a charming smile. “So very wonderful to make your acquaintance, kind sir! What’s your name? My name is Romulus, but I have been referred to simply as  _ ‘The King’ _ for quite some time now!”

“An unfortunate mistake, I assure you,” Logan joins in on the bandwagon, clearly worried his roommates will make fools out of themselves in front of the new addition. He steps in-between them and the new guy, keeping the others at bay for as long as he can. “Please ignore them; they’re just easily excited, that’s all. I am Logic, but I’m also called Logan.”

Deceit watches this all go down from his spot on the couch, having been busy scribbling down notes for Thomas’s math test next week. Although Thomas didn’t really register it when he saw it, he accidentally saw the answer sheet for the test earlier on the teacher’s desk, so Deceit wants to try and write down all of the answers before Thomas unknowingly forgets. He snickers under his breath at the sight of his roommates crowding the new Side, finding their behavior embarrassing yet fairly entertaining; it’s certainly better than getting scolded for doing what’s best for the palace’s owner. After a few minutes of just staring at the veteran Sides, the new Side finally seems to come back to himself, giving the group of fellow teenagers a confused once-over. He steps back a little, and Deceit takes a moment to take in the Side’s appearance. Unlike everyone else, this new Side is dressed… well,  _ terribly. _ Even when first coming into existence, Deceit had  _ some _ sense of fashion, as did everyone else, but this newcomer… it’s as if he didn’t want to put any  _ effort _ into his outfit, wearing a stained orange t-shirt, a black leather jacket, and baggy jeans with holes in the knees.

_ “Wow… _ you guys are pretty high energy, huh?” The new Side observes, laughing dryly at the others while adjusting his sunglasses. “What’s with all the crowding, dudes? Ease up.” He physically pushes Logan away from himself, smirking when the other Side falls over as a result, as Logan has never been one to respond well to being touched.

Patton swoops in immediately, catching Logan before he can hit the floor. “Hey, that wasn’t very nice!” He says, scowling at the newcomer harshly. “You should know better than to push people, young man! Where are on  _ earth _ are your manners!?”

The new Side laughs again, shrugging.  _ “Manners? _ Who needs  _ those? _ Too much effort, my guy,” He then pauses, realizing something. “Oh, right… I’m Procrastination, but since y’all have got normal names, I guess I oughta have one too, huh? Eh, I’ll figure mine out later, I guess,” He steps past the other Sides, coming to plop down next to Deceit. “This seat taken, bro?”

“Not at all, friend.” Deceit assures, ignoring the way Procrastination immediately sits his feet- oh dear god, he isn’t even wearing  _ socks!- _ on the coffee table.

“Deceit, don’t go encouraging his bad behavior!” Patton warns, still very unhappy with Procrastination’s mannerisms. “Young man, you apologize to Logan right this instant!”

“Hm…  _ naw,” _ Procrastination, as if to drive the point home, rests his arms behind his head to act as a pillow, eyes closed as he starts to drift off. “Tell ya what; I’ll do it later, alright? I’m tired, and I need a nap, or else I’m gonna get real freaking crabby.”

Patton goes to say something, but Romulus puts a hand on his shoulder. “Just let it go, Patton… it’s clear this newcomer isn’t one for acting civil,” He looks to Deceit, giving the compulsive liar of a Side a small smirk. “Do you think you can keep him under control for us, friend?”

Deceit nods, though he would’ve preferred to bow, if only for the drama of it all; out of everyone here, he definitely gets the most enjoyment out of playing along with Romulus’s royalty complex. “But of course, your majesty” He agrees, smirking right back at the regal Side. “I’ll make sure to keep him out of trouble for you.”

Romulus chuckles outright. “Such a charmer,” He comments, before exchanging a look with the two Sides beside him. “We should give them some space… don’t worry, boys, I’m sure Deceit can keep him under control. In due time, this Procrastination fellow may even be of some help to us!”

Logan huffs, rolling his eyes. “I sincerely doubt it… but there’s no point in isolating anyone,” He fixes his glasses, trying his best not to sneer at Procrastination. “So long as he doesn’t make Thomas fall behind in school, I’ll be fine with him staying here.”

“Ha!” Procrastination barks out, causing everyone to jump, as they thought he was asleep by now. “It’s Logan, right? That’s my whole _ job, _ buddy,” He keeps his eyes closed, uninterested in getting up. “Once me and Tommy get along better, he’ll have much more time to eat, sleep, and play video games!”

“Video games are fun,” Romulus says, perking up a little. “Thomas especially enjoys Pokemon, and he’s been wanting more time to play it… yes, I believe this new addition will be very useful indeed!”

Logan bristles at that. “We can’t play video games  _ all  _ the time!” He says, voice almost squeaking he’s so frustrated. “We need to get all A’s in school, and after that we need to study, or else we won’t be ready for college!”

“College? What is Tommy, an egghead?” Procrastination seems intent on pissing off Logan in particular, which isn’t too surprising, considering what he represents. “Who needs college when we can just wing it? Plenty of folks fail school and don’t go to college, but they end up as millionaires anyway!”

“That’s not ac-” Logan goes to correct him, but Deceit steps in, not wanting the other Side to pull a muscle.

“-Procrastination, why not take a nap?” Deceit suggests, trying to make the new addition more cooperative. “Aren’t you just wasting energy by arguing with Logic?”

“Ya know what… you’re  _ right!” _ Procrastination agrees, patting Deceit a little too hard on the shoulder, making him wince. “Maybe you’re not all idiots after all… at least not you, snakey. And hell, Kingly over there ain’t so bad either. Night, everyone!” With that, he lays down more properly on the couch, falling asleep soon after, as loud snoring fills the air.

Everyone cringes, the sound grating on their ears. “I can’t believe it,” Logan mutters, completely dumbfounded. “He’s even more irritating than  _ you,  _ Romulus.”

Romulus scowls at him immediately, looking ready to smack him upside the head, but he restrains himself, not wanting to start another argument so soon.  _ “Hey! _ At least I  _ try  _ to help out! Besides, just give this newcomer some time; I’m sure he’ll settle down after he's become more adjusted! Deceit was much the same when he first came to be, was he not?”

Deceit sneers at Romulus, not appreciating the unintentional drag. “I was not  _ this  _ antagonistic… everything I do has a purpose, your majesty, even if not all of you are capable of seeing the end results for what they are.”

Patton let’s out a long sigh, trying to let go of his earlier anger. He pastes on a happy-go-lucky smile, trying to bring up everyone’s spirits. “How about we watch a movie or something? That oughta get everyone feeling better!”

“Whatever’s louder than this insufferable snoring,” Logan mutters, covering his ears to emphasize how much the sound is bothering him. “You know I’m an atheist, but… I  _ pray  _ that Procrastination will get ahold of himself sooner rather than later.”

“He will,” Romulus says in a way that suggests he’s hopeful. “After all, we have  _ ‘snakey’  _ here to settle him down!”

Deceit huffs, hating the pet name. “Do  _ not  _ call me that. I may like snakes, but I don’t appreciate the awful nickname.”

“We’ll stop calling you snakey once you come up with a proper name for yourself,” Romulus suggests, smirking deviously at his friend. “Patton, Logan, and I have all come up with more appropriate names for ourselves… why don’t you give yourself one, too?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas!” Patton chimes in, pulling out a notepad from seemingly nowhere. “Let’s see… there’s the name Alvis, which means all wise, something I think you’d  _ really  _ like! I also have Conroy, which means wise advisor, and it also ties into Thomas’s Irish roots! Oh, and we can’t forget-”

“-Patton,” Logan cuts in, gently setting a hand on the notepad to end Patton’s tirade. “You  _ can’t _ name Deceit… we all named  _ ourselves, _ didn’t we? He needs to come up with it himself.”

“Aw…” Patton huffs, not at all happy to lose the chance to name a Side. “But my ideas are so  _ good… _ don’t you like them, Deceit?”

Deceit offers a light chuckle, at least  _ trying  _ not to come off as mean-spirited. “As clever as those names are, my friend, I would rather name myself, thank you very much… to be entirely fair, I’ve had a name in mind for some time now, but-”

“-Out with it, then!” Romulus urges, eager to hear Deceit’s true name. “Come now, snakey, don’t leave us all waiting!”

Deceit huffs again, the nickname grating on his nerves. “Very well then, it's… my name is  _ Dimitri.” _ He practically whispers, looking away to avoid seeing their reactions.

Patton let’s out a happy little squeal.  _ “Dimitri? _ Oh my  _ gosh,  _ that fits you so _ well! _ Dimitri… that’s such a good name for you!”

“Dimitri; a name descended from the name Demeter, the goddess of agriculture and fertility,” Romulus points out, smirking all the while at Deceit. “Quite the powerful name, my friend… planning on taking Patton's place as the father figure of our mismatched little family? In any case, I believe it suits you quite well.”

Logan nods in agreement. “Yes, I believe that Dimitri makes sense for you, Deceit… I applaud you for choosing a name that actually  _ correlates  _ with your purpose,” He sideyes Patton, giving him a small scowl. “Had you named yourself something that started with an  _ ‘M’  _ like I suggested, Patton, perhaps we could have-”

“-Now hold on for just one minute, mister,” Patton orders, tone obviously joking, though it's doubtful that Logan will realize that. “Didn’t you  _ just  _ say that all Sides oughta name themselves? No need to act like a hypocrite, buddy!”

Deceit doesn’t need to look up to know that Logan is blushing. “Th-That I did!” He says, stuttering a little out of embarrassment. “Didn’t  _ you  _ suggest we watch a movie, Patton? Come, let’s see if Thomas’s father recorded any documentaries for us to watch on the VCR!” He takes Patton by the arm, leading him out of the living room in order to escape the embarrassing situation.

“I was actually hoping we could watch a Disney movie,” Patton admits, not looking excited to potentially watch a boring documentary. “Oh, ya know what? Thomas’s mom just got The Rescuers on cassette, so we could watch that instead! Romulus, are you coming?”

“In a moment,” Romulus takes a minute to check on Deceit, playfully patting his bowler hat to tossle up the hair underneath. “I know that everyone had some rather  _ dramatic _ reactions to your name, myself included, but… I really  _ do  _ love your name, Dimitri,” Daringly, he pecks Deceit on the cheek, smirking when his roommate blushes bright red in response. “Hahaha… you really are such a  _ joy  _ to have around, friend. Be good for me, won’t you? I’ll see you later on tonight.” With that, he takes off after the others.

Deceit watches him go, still blushing a little. Just as he makes to go back to writing down notes for the test, Procrastination seems to wake up again… that, or he was never asleep to begin with. “Aren’t ya gonna go join your boyfriend for movie night, snakey?” Procrastination asks, trying to push at Deceit’s buttons.

Deceit huffs, rolling his eyes. “Thomas isn’t interested in other men, you fool, so I don't even have the  _ capability _ to love him,” He says, lying through his teeth. No one else realizes it’s a lie yet, not while Thomas is still so young, but Deceit sure as hell isn’t going to be the first one to admit it. “You’d best get ahold of yourself, Procrastination… Logic has a short fuse, and I sincerely doubt you’ll avoid getting on his nerves with your current behavior,” He sits back more on the couch, trying to relax. “Take my advice; keep a lid on it. The other Sides, with the exception of the king… they don’t  _ appreciate  _ Sides like us. They insist on following the rules, no matter the mental toll it has on our host, and it’s up to us to give dear little Thomas a break from their high expectations. It’s hard, I know, but you’ll get used to it… at least now we have each other for company.”

Procrastination smirks, watching Deceit from out of the corner of his eye.  _ “Wow…  _ you got any other quotes from, like, Hot Topic? All jokes aside, I can’t say I really  _ care  _ much about what they think,” He admits, his voice painfully casual compared to Deceit’s more gentlemanly way of speaking. “Who  _ cares _ if they don't like me? I’mma do my own thing, and if they like it, then cool beans. If they don’t, then it’s their loss. I’m just here to let Thomas live his life, ya know? He's still a kid; he shouldn't have to worry about chores or school or any of that bullshit. Let's just have fun, my dude! Screw everybody else!”

Deceit gives the slightest of nods, but he can’t say he completely agrees… even if he did, he probably can’t say it aloud, even if he wants to. “I… I  _ agree,” _ He lies, finding it easier than alienating himself from the new addition. “Their opinions… are  _ irrelevant.” _

“Word,” Procrastination agrees, daring to lean against Deceit for support. “Keep me company while I nap again, okay? It’s weird, suddenly being here… really  _ loud.” _

Deceit just nods again, not trusting his voice. It’s probably dangerous, to be making friends with a Side that most everyone already dislikes, but… well, he knows what it’s like to be the odd one out, and even if Procrastination is a bit of an airheaded jerk, Deceit’s not about to leave this newcomer all by himself, just for the small possibility that it’ll make the others like him more. Besides, Romulus asked him to keep an eye on him, and although Deceit can never admit it out loud, he’ll do anything for his dearly beloved king.

* * *

Two years later, the next Side shows up, appearing just as suddenly as Procrastination and everyone else before him did.

Well, it’s sudden for everyone else, but Deceit and Logan can see it coming, even discussing it between each other a few times, aware that Thomas’s mental health has gone through a rapid decline in the last few months. Patton, of course, blames it on the move to middle school, citing that the new workload is exhausting Thomas and making it harder for him to have fun. Romulus has been suffering from this as well, not as lively as he was back in elementary school, his drive to create deteriorating somewhat. Of course, he still makes time for his dear friend Deceit, and even Procrastination on occasion, but in all honesty, it’s obvious that Romulus doesn’t like Procrastination all that much, preferring to be around Deceit more. Deceit can’t say he minds, appreciating the other Side’s companionship, but he remains vigilante nonetheless, waiting for the new addition to come into existence… he wants to meet the newcomer first, before Logan and Patton can get their hands on him and shape his way of thinking.

Deceit sees evidence of him before meeting him face to face, finding empty snack packaging and juice boxes around the kitchen, more often than not hidden from sight, suggesting that the new Side wants to keep out of sight. At first, Deceit’s half worried that this is Procrastination’s doing, but after a few rounds of back and forth bickering, it becomes obvious that this isn’t the case, as the spots that the garbage has been placed would be too high of an effort for Procrastination to be doing it. So Deceit waits, keeping a sharp lookout for the new addition, beginning to quietly experiment to see what exactly he’s dealing with here. He knows that every Side so far has, over time, come to be older than Thomas, however, if his hypothesis is even  _ close _ to correct… this new Side may very well appear as a child, at least at first. If Deceit is lucky, the Side will stay that way for a long time, as to better protect themselves from whatever they perceive to be dangerous. So, without Logan or anyone else’s knowledge, Deceit starts leaving out different things for him.

At first, he tries leaving a baby bottle full of warm milk out in the open, but other than earning a few confused looks from Deceit’s fellow Sides, it goes mostly untouched. Still convinced that the Side is going to be very young compared to everyone else, Deceit leaves out a pacifier next, curious to see if it will be taken. To his immense joy, the pacifier is gone within an hour of being left alone, suggesting that the new Side is indeed quite young… that, or Patton took it, as it’s something he’d probably find cute or adorable. However, after searching the friendlier Side's room, Deceit is relieved to see that he hasn’t taken it. Now that he knows the new Side is likely a small child, Deceit decides that he needs to find him, otherwise the poor kid could get himself hurt, or worse, be found by someone else first. Thankfully for him, it doesn’t take too long, as no one can stay hidden in the mind palace forever. When Deceit finally meets the new Side, he finds him late at night, while he’s heading to bed. While on his way to his room, Deceit hears a scuffling in the kitchen, and as he isn’t one to ignore anything, he investigates, hopeful that he’ll finally meet the new Side.

In the darkness of the kitchen, Deceit can  _ just _ make out a little shadow moving about, the short intruder digging through one of the bottom cupboards. Silently, Deceit turns on the lights, making sure to body-block the doorway. “Ah!” A voice shouts immediately, before a flash of black makes to run between Deceit’s legs, as that’s the only way out of the kitchen.

“Gotcha!” Deceit says, catching the tiny Side by the arm. He hoists the little boy up, noting that the kid has the pacifier Deceit left out for him in his mouth, beginning to suck on it incessantly out of fear. “Easy now, little one… I’ve no intention to harm you.” He says, voice as soft as he can make it.

With the small child still in his arms, Deceit takes a moment to look him over more properly. To his relief, the kid isn’t naked or anything, dressed in a comically oversized black hoodie with black boxers underneath, as well as having dark purple socks covering his feet. Examining the boy’s face, Deceit is honestly a bit shocked by his appearance, incredibly dark circles resting underneath the child’s eyes, as if he’s never had a full night’s sleep before. As he’s quite afraid to have been caught, the boy’s begun crying silently, but to Deceit’s surprise, instead of crying clear tears like every other Side, the child’s tears drip down as black as the nighttime, staining his cheeks a dark grey. If Deceit had to guess as to what the child represents, based off of Thomas’s recent behavior and the kid’s own mannerisms, he’d guess that this new Side is Paranoia, or possibly even Anxiety, but with how much the poor kid is shivering and crying, he’s going to settle on calling him Paranoia, as that seems to suit the boy much better.

“Let me guess… you’re Paranoia, aren’t you? Logic and I have been wondering when you would come to be… only makes sense that you’d lurk in the shadows until someone forced you out of hiding,” Deceit chuckles a little, amused by Paranoia’s behavior. “Don’t worry, little one, I’ll take care of you. Now come along, we really  _ must _ get you to bed,” Carefully, he makes to exit the kitchen, intent on bringing the kid back to his own room to keep a better eye on him. However, instead of cooperating in any way, Paranoia screams loudly in the older Side’s ear, before kicking Deceit as hard as he can in the gut. “OW!” Deceit shouts, letting go of the kid out of reflex.

Likely the newfound owner of Thomas’s flight or fight instincts, Paranoia lands on the floor in a crouch all too naturally, before running off…  _ on all fours. _ “Good god… what have I gotten myself into?” Deceit asks himself, wincing as he straightens up, quick to try and go after the younger Side. “Paranoia? Paranoia, there’s no need to be afraid of me… I understand that it is in your nature to be afraid, but rest assured that I won’t harm you,” He begins looking around the living room first, checking behind the couch and under the coffee table. “Come on out, little one. Come now, there’s no need to be so difficult! I already know you’re here; it’s only a matter of time before someone catches you!”

“Dimitri?” A voice asks, causing Deceit to flinch. He swiftly turns around, finding Romulus standing in the doorway to the living room. The king is decked out in a rainbow bathrobe and is missing his signature gold crown, suggesting that he was woken up abruptly by the commotion. “What’s with all of the noise, darling? Shouldn’t you be asleep? It won’t do Thomas any good to have his Sides up and about this late at night.”

Deceit hesitates, wondering if he should even  _ tell _ Romulus about Paranoia, but… well, the kid is obviously very skilled when it comes to hiding, and as much as Deceit wishes it weren’t the case, he doubts he can find the kid all by himself, now that Paranoia could be anywhere in the mind palace. “There’s a new Side,” Deceit explains, thankful that it’s Romulus that’s found him and not Logan or Patton. “I believe they represent Thomas’s Paranoia… however, because of the nature of this Side, they are quite fearful, and they don’t trust anyone yet. Moreover, they have taken the form of a small child, aged at around three to five years old.”

Romulus’s eyes widen comically, shocked by the news. “A new  _ Side…  _ and they’re  _ Paranoia?  _ My, that certainly can't be pleasant for the poor lad,” Offhandedly, the king begins looking around a little, as if he expects to find Paranoia just scuttling by or something. “Paranoia… you don’t suppose he’ll be labeled as a troublemaker, do you? Logan already grapples enough with you and Procrastination, I don’t believe he’d take kindly to someone who’s afraid of everything the world has to offer. As for Patton… well, he’s desperate to be a father, is he not? Perhaps he would take well to the little one…”

Deceit tries to keep from lashing out, aware that Romulus doesn’t get argued with nearly as much as him or Procrastination. “As much as I’d like to believe Logic and Morality would go easier on a child… once he’s grown, I doubt they’ll have any patience for him. No, it is my intention to take care of him myself.”

Romulus pauses in his searching, giving Deceit a very careful, very  _ leveled _ look. “Dimitri… do you understand what you are implying?”

“Enlighten me.” Deceit requests, not willing to say it himself.

“You’re suggesting that you are to raise this boy in secret, are you not? What sort of life do you expect him to have? How will he be of any help to Thomas if he’s secluded from the rest of his fellow Sides? Besides, it’s not like the others are  _ bad, _ per say, they’re just…  _ stubborn.”  _ Romulus sighs, averting his eyes out of frustration and worry.

“There’s a war coming,” Deceit knows he’s being dramatic, but… well, he needs Romulus to understand the gravity of this situation. “Ever since Thomas entered middle school, things have been harder- higher stakes, more conflict- and I don’t know how much longer we can last before someone serpasses their ability to tolerate others. Believe me, I  _ do _ care for my fellow Sides, however… Logic and Morality are  _ very _ strict, and once they determine that Procrastination and I aren’t as black and white as they are… they’ll likely banish us.”

_ “Banish you? _ How would that even  _ work?”  _ Romulus is confused, trying to ask more questions before he let's himself panic.

Deceit spares Romulus a fond smile, finding his ignorance a tad endearing, if not frustrating at times. “Your majesty, once they realize that they are capable of cutting Procrastination and I out of the equation, they will do so. They can’t kill us, of course- even if they could, I doubt either of them has the stomach for it- but they can quiet us by locking us away in the basement. We will still be able to influence Thomas, as I’ve tested what I can do down there in order to prepare myself, but we won’t be living in the same space as the rest of you. I suppose that's what we get, for not conforming to society's asinine standards.”

Romulus takes a minute to let it sink in, Deceit taking the time to continue looking around the living room. Finally, the king speaks up again, voice shaky. “They can’t… they can’t  _ do that! _ I won’t let them, Dimitri! Besides, how can you think so lowly of them? They would never-”

“-You’re right, they would _ never,” _ Deceit’s losing his patience, finding it harder and harder to deal with Romulus’s denial. “I’m just a foolish idiot who can’t even find a damned  _ toddler!” _ He throws the nearest pillow across the room, hating that it doesn’t make much noise when it hits a nearby wall.

“Easy… you need to calm  _ down, _ Dimitri,” Romulus is unbelievably gentle, coming to stand in front of Deceit, cupping his hands over the other Side’s in an attempt to ground him. “Easy now, my friend. If you are correct, and this new Side is indeed a small child, you will do him no favors by acting so short-tempered,” He has Deceit sit down on the couch, giving him a place where he can cool off in peace. “Why don’t you wait here while  _ I _ find Paranoia? I’ll be right back, I promise.” Delicately, he kisses Deceit’s forehead, before heading into the kitchen.

Deceit uses the break to take several long, deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He hates when he gets this angry, especially when that anger is directed at the only Side he believes is his friend, but it’s hard when no one else understands what’s happening. Deceit agrees with Romulus when he says that Patton and Logan aren’t cruel, but even if they’re not _monstrous,_ they are still capable of exaggerating, and then acting on their reactions. In due time, they will most certainly grow sick of Procrastination’s terrible behavior and Deceit’s seemingly needless lying, which will prompt them to banish the two troublesome Sides to a place where they don’t have to argue with them anymore. And although he didn’t mention it- he can’t bear to, considering how he feels about it- Deceit fears that Romulus might be banished as well, but… well, it seems impossible. After all, creativity is such a _big_ _part _of Thomas, they can’t _possibly_ banish him all together. However… Deceit shivers, before shaking his head; no, they would _never_ do something like that… not to the _king._

Unable to tolerate his terrifying thoughts any longer, Deceit stands, careful to be quiet so Romulus won’t hear him and order him to sit back down and rest. The dishonest Side quickly heads down the nearest hallway, keeping silent as he listens for wherever Paranoia dashed off to. He doubts the kid got past him and Romulus to go back to the kitchen- he’d view it as too dangerous, no matter how hungry he might be at this point- so Deceit’s hoping the kid escaped into a nearby closet, waiting nearby until the big, scary adult Sides go back to their rooms so he can wander around the palace in peace again. Does he even  _ have _ a room yet? Deceit doesn’t think so, or else someone would’ve found it by now… so far, every Side appears before their room, which comes to be once they’re acknowledged by all of the other Sides. Of course, this new Side is  _ nothing _ like anyone else before him, appearing as a child instead of a teenager like the rest of them, and he's decided to avoid his fellow Sides at all costs, even when it means he has to go hungry or without proper sleep.

Once Deceit finds him, he’ll have to make sure the kid gets some actual food in him, not to mention a much needed nap.

Almost reaching the end of the corridor, Deceit pauses, noticing a nearby door, which he knows to lead to a bathroom. It’s not like a sound was heard from the other side or anything, but… if Deceit were an easily frightened child without a bedroom to escape to, he’d think the bathroom would be an acceptable hiding place. With a carefulness he usually saves for when he plays the piano, or writes down potential lies to use in the future, Deceit quietly opens the door, careful to make sure it doesn’t make too much noise. Not that he cares all that much, because if Paranoia’s inside, he’ll certainly hear it either way; Deceit’s only being quiet to keep Romulus and all of the other Sides from overhearing. Once he’s through, Deceit shuts the door behind himself, shrouding the room in darkness. This time, he doesn’t turn on the lights, as he assumes that would only frighten Paranoia like it did earlier. After a few minutes of silence, Deceit sits cross-legged on the floor, letting his eyes adjust to the lighting. His snake eye adjusts first, of course, making it so he can start looking around sooner rather than later.

The bathroom is pretty much spotless, as this is the closest bathroom to Logan’s bedroom, meaning he keeps it as perfectly clean as he can, otherwise he’d go completely ballistic. It’s actually a pretty nice set-up, the bathroom having a toilet, a counter with a few drawers, and a surprisingly large bathtub and shower combo, making it out to be quite luxurious. As Deceit expected, he finds Paranoia in the bathtub, the boy’s dark clothing not doing much to camouflage him against the white porcelain of his hiding spot. The two Sides eventually lock eyes, and where Deceit half expected the kid to jump up and try running away again, Paranoia tilts his head somewhat at Deceit, seemingly entranced by something on him. At first, Deceit isn’t sure what Paranoia is looking at, but he figures it out after a few seconds, realizing quickly enough that Paranoia is staring at his snake eye and it’s odd, yellow glow, amazed by the older Side’s strange appearance. Deceit tries to hide a chuckle under his breath, amused by Paranoia’s curiosity; at least it's better than the kid freaking out again.

“You know, I’m much more accustomed to people being afraid of my snake eye and scales… seems as though you have better taste than most,” Deceit comments, pulling one of his knees up to his chest to sit in a more casual position. He hopes this will convince Paranoia to relax more, and hopefully realize that Deceit isn’t going to hurt him. “I’m sorry for scaring you earlier, Paranoia,” He’s lying, of course, but what the kid doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Ignorance is bliss, after all. “But like I said before, I’m not here to hurt you… I’m here to  _ help  _ you.”

Slowly, the boy pulls the pacifier out of his mouth, his lips moving to form into a pout as he contemplates on what to say. “How…” His voice is so _ weak,  _ which isn’t all that surprising, considering how old he is. “How do you know my name?” Even if he  _ does _ appear quite young, Paranoia speaks very clearly, his vocabulary more advanced than the average child’s.

Deceit resists the urge to smirk, aware that it might upset Paranoia. “I know a lot of things, my dear boy… and besides, it was obvious. Thomas has been very different lately, acting fearful of things that aren’t even a threat to him, stressing about what could and could not happen… it was only a matter of time before another Side came to be.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Paranoia sounds so  _ pitiful, _ tears welling up in his bright brown eyes. “Not my fault everything’s so  _ scary…  _ the  _ world  _ is scary, and I don’t want him to die.”

“Who said anything about Thomas _ dying?”  _ Deceit inquires, genuinely unsure how Paranoia has jumped to such a conclusion; then again, he  _ is  _ paranoid. “Thomas is only twelve years old, Paranoia. Yes, some preteens do indeed die young, but not many, and it’s very rare in this day and age, what with modern medicine and a generally more safe environment being factors.”

“What about a car crash?” It’s almost as if Paranoia is  _ trying _ to find problems, his lower lip shaking as he speaks. “Or a thunderstorm, or kidnappers, or explosions, or getting sick, or not knowing you’re allergic to something and accidentally eating it, or falling off of a playscape and breaking your head open, or drinking lighter fluid, or falling asleep and never waking up, or getting eaten by an alligator, or getting shot, or-!?”

“-Shh shh  _ shh… _ such a  _ fearful  _ little thing you are. Do you  _ really _ think Thomas is going to die young? That  _ we _ will die young?” When Paranoia only nods, Deceit bites back a truly  _ exhausted  _ sigh. “My dear boy, believe me when I say that no such thing will befall Thomas… he’s a smart boy- smarter than most his age- and we are here to keep him out of trouble as well. He’s survived  _ this long,  _ hasn’t he? He will most certainly become an adult someday, and if we are so lucky, he shall die of old age rather than anything tragic or unexpected.”

Even with all of this reassurance, Paranoia still appears unsure, hugging his knees as he begins to shiver like a dead leaf. “I… I don’t believe you,” He admits, tears dripping down his face, leaving black trails behind. “W-We’re gonna  _ die,  _ I j-just  _ know  _ it!” Quickly, he dissolves into terrified sobs, unable to cope with his depressing thoughts.

Well, that does it. Giving up on letting the kid come to him naturally, Deceit decides to approach Paranoia first. To his surprise, Paranoia doesn’t even  _ try _ to run away from him this time around, too busy having a panic attack to care about self preservation. Thankfully for him, self preservation is one of Deceit’s specialties. Very delicately, as to not jostle or frighten the child, Deceit scoops Paranoia up, coming to sit on the closed toilet seat, where he rests the younger Side on his lap. Paranoia continues to bawl his eyes out, overwhelmed and utterly terrified, clawing somewhat at Deceit’s cloak to feel it’s texture and ground himself. Biting back a sigh, Deceit grins and bears it, deciding to cradle Paranoia instead, as he figures the kid will respond better to that. It works, at least a little, Paranoia nuzzling his face against Deceit’s chest, pressing his ear against his breast to better listen to his heartbeat. Deceit let’s him, just glad that the kid is finally beginning to calm down, his sobs dissolving into pitiful sniffles and hiccups, the young boy growing too tired to keep up these unnecessary dramatics.

As much as Deceit is tempted to scold Paranoia for his overthetop outburst, he knows it would only make the kid distrustful of him, and he can’t have that. Calmly, Deceit pats Paranoia’s back, offhandedly bouncing him on his knee. “There we are… there’s a good boy,” He praises, hoping his words will keep Paranoia under control. “Do you feel better now?”

Paranoia hesitates, before tentatively nodding. “Um… yeah, I do. I didn’t… I didn’t know hugs would feel so  _ nice. _ I always thought that I would be, um,  _ stabbed  _ or something.”

Now if  _ that _ isn’t the most tragic thing Deceit’s ever heard, he doesn’t know what is. “There will be no stabbing in this palace, my dear boy… not while I’m here to protect you,” He stands, making sure to carry Paranoia gently in his arms. “Are you tired, Paranoia? I doubt you’ve slept recently… you must be so exhausted, having avoided us all for so long.”

Paranoia let’s out a mighty yawn, rubbing at his eyes. “I  _ kinda _ am,” He admits sluggishly, sticking his tongue out a little; he looks like a tiny kitten. “Promise not to let me die in my sleep? Promise I’ll wake up?”

“…You won’t die,” Deceit can’t  _ make _ promises, at least not directly, but he’ll at least  _ try _ to reassure the kid that he’s safe. “Don’t worry, Paranoia, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Paranoia appears unconvinced, but as he’s finally reached his limit, he doesn’t argue, choosing instead to fall asleep in Deceit’s arms, finally given a chance to rest. Deceit smirks, satisfied with Paranoia’s cooperation. As he exits the bathroom, however, he runs right into Romulus. “Oh, Dimitri, there you are! Did you find the new Side yet?” Romulus pauses, noticing the young child in Deceit’s arms. “Oh my goodness, is that-”

“-Yes,  _ this _ is Paranoia,” Deceit confirms, lowering his voice to a whisper. “And I would much appreciate it if you quieted down, your majesty; he's lost enough sleep as it is.” That’s not the  _ real  _ reason he wants Romulus to be quieter, as he knows he could get Paranoia back to sleep in no time, but he’ll use it as an excuse to keep his secret.

Romulus nods, but he can’t hide his excited grin as he looks over Paranoia, appearing tempted to hold him, but to Deceit’s thankfulness, he doesn’t try to take the kid out of his arms. “He really  _ is  _ a tiny little thing, isn’t he?” Romulus observes, smiling at the younger Side. “You know, when you told me the new Side was a child, I half thought you were mistaken… this has  _ never  _ happened before, at least, not that we know of. Logan could have been a baby when he appeared, but I doubt he would have stayed that way for very long. Perhaps Patton was a child once? Heavens no, not with that fatherhood obsession of his… I really  _ do _ believe this Side is one of a kind, Dimitri! How unbelievably  _ special!” _

Deceit simply nods in agreement, subconsciously holding Paranoia a little tighter against his chest. “We can’t let the others know, at least not yet. Logic will want to study the poor dear, and as for Morality… well, we all know how  _ he  _ is,” He’s lying through his teeth- if anything, Patton would be the  _ perfect  _ Side to watch over Paranoia until he's grown- but Deceit sure as hell isn’t giving up this sort of chance so easily. “It would be better if we kept this between ourselves, at least until we know how Paranoia will develop… perhaps this will be easier, not having to argue with a paranoid and strong adult, and all we have to worry about is corralling a tiny child to behave himself.”

“I…  _ suppose _ so,” Romulus huffs, before oh so delicately resting a hand on Deceit’s shoulder, prompting the other Side to meet his eyes. “Just… promise me something, Dimitri; promise me you won’t let any harm come to Paranoia. I know you’re afraid of some sort of upcoming  _ ‘war’ _ or what have you, but perhaps that’s just this child’s doing? His presence is making us all just a tad uneasy…  _ please,  _ Dimitri, take care. This is no small feat, to raise a child all by your lonesome. I will help, of course, whether you like it or not, but  _ this… _ this is something  _ none of us _ have ever dealt with. Yes, we all make ourselves to be seventeen when Thomas is twelve, but deep down, we are still very much Thomas’s age; we are not fit to be parents yet.”

Deceit actually let’s himself scowl at Romulus, resenting the other Side’s lack of faith in him. “I  _ know  _ what I’m doing, Romulus,” He rarely calls Romulus by his name- hell, he rarely calls  _ anyone  _ by their chosen name- but he can’t help it, not when he’s this frustrated… he can’t  _ stand it _ when he’s been proven wrong. “You may not have any faith in me, but I assure you, I can take care of Paranoia just fine!” Is he lying at this point, or telling the truth? Even he can’t tell at this point, too emotional to think before he speaks.

“Dimitri, that’s not-” Romulus tries to correct the mistake, but Deceit won’t let him, too intent on isolating himself from his friends and family.

“-Don’t worry, I got the message,” Deceit promises, forcing his way past Romulus, Paranoia still sleeping peacefully in his arms, blissfully unaware of what’s happening. “I know you don’t give a shit about me, Romulus, but I’ll raise someone who will.” This time, he knows he’s lying, but he can’t bring himself to care all that much.

_ “Dimitri… _ Dimitri,  _ please!” _ Romulus tries to go after Deceit, but before he can reach him, Deceit disappears into the shadows, not allowing his friend to catch up with him.

Later on down the line, when future events have taken place and he loses everything, Deceit will regret the things he said that night, especially to Romulus… he’ll wish, for once in his goddamn life, that he’d told him the truth.

* * *

The next morning, at an hour that’s far too early for anyone in their right mind to be conscious, Deceit is awoken by a soft patter nearby. He mumbles something rather unpleasant under his breath, rolling onto his side before cracking his snake eye open, not at all surprised by what he finds. It seems Paranoia has more issues with insomnia than Deceit imagined, and even after going what must have been several days without sleep, the poor lad can’t stay asleep for all that long at all. To Deceit’s relief, Paranoia hasn’t noticed that his new friend is awake yet, the small boy on his hands and knees as he fiddles with one of the Rubix cubes Deceit  _ ‘borrowed’  _ from Logan a few months ago, entranced by the square’s many colors and the way he can twist and turn it to match up the colors. With the kid busy, Deceit is given more time to take in Paranoia’s overall physical health. Surprisingly, the newborn Side doesn’t seem sick in any way, despite being so behind on sleep and nutrition intake. He’s also cleaner than Deceit expected, his black tear stains being the only things making him dirty, at least at a glance.

Careful not to draw too much attention to himself, Deceit sits up, stretching out his back to try and pop his muscles. Paranoia immediately perks up at this, hearing the ruffle of blankets behind him, prompting the toddler to turn around and stare at the older Side. For a bit, the two simply stare at each other, Deceit feeling just a tad uncomfortable under Paranoia’s inspection, aware that the boy is staring at the long, cascading snake scale tattoo that runs down his left side, the scales the same color as the scales on his face. Although Deceit doesn’t want to show Paranoia the entire thing, the tattoo continues down his hip and leg as well, not stopping until his left foot is covered by the snake scales. In all honesty, Deceit doesn’t remember where he got the tattoo, simply being born with it when he’d come to be. He believes it’s Thomas’s doing, as the dear boy views lying as automatically bad and sinful, something Deceit makes no secret of loathing. Shaking his head, the older Side snaps out of it, needing to break the silence.

“Good morning, Paranoia,” Deceit greets, not bothering to explain his tattoos to the younger Side. “How are you today? Did you get much sleep last night?”

Paranoia averts his eyes, shrugging. Offhandedly, Deceit notices that the kid has the pacifier from last night in his mouth again; he must really like it. “I slept okay,” Paranoia mutters, still not quite looking at Deceit. “Had a nightmare… but that’s every night, so I’m used to it.”

That’s not exactly a shocker, as Deceit would expect such a fearful Side to have frequent nightmares. “That’s unfortunate,” Deceit says, trying to appear more sympathetic to Paranoia’s plight. “Are you hungry at all? I’m guessing you haven’t eaten in quite awhile.”

Paranoia actually huffs at this, pouting at the older Side. “Woulda eaten if  _ someone  _ hadn’t decided to scare me.” He points out, daring to glare at Deceit, his apparent hunger making him less agreeable than Deceit would like.

“I only scared you in order to protect you. Really, you should be thanking me, as I’m planning on protecting you from the other Sides,” Deceit explains, deciding that now’s a good time to start shaping how Paranoia will view the others. “They’re  _ so  _ very scary, and I’d  _ hate  _ to see you get hurt by them.”

“The others… are  _ bad? _ They’re  _ dangerous?”  _ Paranoia inquires, suddenly appearing frightened. “I figured they could be, but… I didn’t think they would hurt me too bad, even if they did end up being mean to me.”

Deceit has to bite his bottom lip to keep from grinning. “Oh yes, they’re  _ very  _ bad, and  _ very  _ dangerous to boot. Why, if they had found you first…” He fakes a shiver, really selling it. “They probably would have hurt you, as they don’t care for Sides that aren’t perfection personified.”

Paranoia looks away again, tears welling up in his eyes. “So they won’t like me… because I’m not good enough?”

Deceit sees his chance and takes it. “Well, you’re plenty good enough for  _ me, _ my dear boy… it’s  _ them  _ that don’t understand what a  _ gift  _ you are,” He finally gets out of bed, beginning to get dressed. “Because they’re so dangerous, I need you to stay here, alright? If anyone dares to enter this room, hide under the bed, and I’ll see to it that they don’t find you.”

Paranoia panics when he realizes that Deceit’s about to leave. “Wait!” He begs, nearly tripping on his oversized hoodie in his haste to run in front of Deceit, blocking him from the door. “If they’re dangerous, then you can’t leave! They’ll hurt you!”

Deceit smirks, proud of himself for already manipulating Paranoia to be protective of him so soon… it will certainly help in the long run, even if it is troublesome at the moment. “As much as I appreciate your concern, I’ll be just fine out there. I’ve learned how to blend in with them so that they won’t hurt me, but I can’t risk subjecting you to their abuse… just wait here, little one, and I’ll be right back.”

Paranoia huffs, not at all happy about his new mentor leaving for a bit… but he knows he can’t convince him to change his mind. “…Okay,” He mutters, making a big show out of walking away from Deceit, coming to hide himself under the bed. “Come back soon though, okay? Don’t die.”

“I’ve told you before, no one’s going to… you know what? Forget it, we’ll talk about this later,” Deceit says, unlocking his door. He pauses, giving Paranoia another worried glance. “Remember, under no circumstances are you to let yourself be seen by another Side, understand? They’re all  _ very  _ dangerous, and I can’t afford to lose you.”

Paranoia just nods his head in understanding, beginning to suck on his pacifier a little faster, once again proving to Deceit that he’s far too fearful for his own good. Biting back the urge to sigh with frustration, Deceit simply leaves the kid be, determined to just grab some food and hurry back to his room, before anyone gets the bright idea to go poking around in there. Of course, the only Sides that really do that are Procrastination and Romulus, both of which are Sides that Deceit tends to get along with more, so at least it’s not probable that someone like Patton or Logan will trespass. Entering the communal living room, Deceit isn’t all that surprised that all of the other Sides are already awake, busying themselves in the living room and kitchen. As one might expect, Patton is the one primarily cooking breakfast, somehow managing to look after several frying pans and pots at once. Logan is sat at the kitchen table, flipping through one of Thomas’s assigned reading books from school, completely focused on the text before him, occasionally writing notes in one of his many notebooks.

Procrastination, of course, is doing nothing to help anyone around him, too busy being sprawled out on the couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table while he plays on an imagined up copy of the family’s N64. Romulus still seems to be waking up, having never been one for being ready first thing in the morning- much like Deceit- busy fussing with a small pocket mirror in one hand while the other applies make-up oh so carefully onto his freshly washed face. No one really acknowledges Deceit when he comes into the living room, everyone too absorbed in their own morning routine to even realize he’s awake, which is fair, considering the fact that as gentlemanly as Deceit tries to act, he’s almost never awake before noon, as lying early in the day never works out well for him. Trying hard not to catch too much attention, Deceit hurries through the living room, making a beeline for the kitchen, but he’s stopped abruptly by a hand grabbing his wrist. He freezes automatically, half scared he’s about to be interrogated, but glancing down to see who’s grabbed him, Deceit finds that it’s Procrastination.

“Morning, bro,” Procrastination greets Deceit as casually as he usually does. After a pause, he holds up an empty coca-cola can to the other Side. “Mind gettin’ me another coke, dude? Kinda busy over here.”

Deceit huffs, not afraid to sneer at Procrastination; he gave up on trying to be closer friends with Procrastination months ago, as it’s always going to be a one-sided relationship with him. “And why should I? Are you really so lazy that you can’t get up and get it yourself?” Deceit doesn’t hesitate in his response, having little patience this early in the morning.

“You’re  _ already  _ up, dude. And like I said, I’m busy,” Procrastination explains, letting go of Deceit to gesture vaguely at the TV; he’s playing Super Mario N64, and he looks to be about halfway through what appears to be a winter themed level. “So how about you be a bro and get me another coke, alright? I’ll make it up to you later.”

Of course, Deceit knows that means Procrastination will  _ never  _ return the favor, but fuck it, he’s not willing to stand here and argue all morning; Procrastination will eventually win through sheer stubbornness. “Very well,” He growls unkindly, snatching the empty can a little too harshly out of Procrastination’s grasp. “Anything else?” He may as well ask, before he comes back to receive another errand to run.

Procrastination smirks victoriously once Deceit agrees, happy to have gotten his way, just like he always does. “Naw, I think that’s it… popsie over there won’t let me have chips yet, so coke will have to do.”

“You’re darn right you’re not having chips yet; it’s seven AM for goodness sake!” Patton yells from the kitchen, stepping into the doorway to shake his spatula somewhat threateningly at Procrastination. He’s wearing a baby blue apron, with the words  _ ‘I’ll Feed All You Fuckers’ _ on the front… Deceit has a feeling he doesn’t understand what that means. “You shouldn’t even be having  _ soda  _ this early! Are you sure you don’t want any milk or juice, kiddo?” He tries acting more sweet, attempting to bribe Procrastination into eating healthier.

As expected, Procrastination huffs indignantly, as if being asked to eat a healthy breakfast is the most laborious thing he’s ever been asked to do in his life. “Jesus H Christ… no, Dad! I don’t want any  _ freaking  _ milk… or  _ juice.”  _ The lazy Side outright rolls his eyes, continuing to play his video game to keep from continuing the argument.

Patton sighs in defeat, shaking his head. “Well, at least I tried,” He says, trying not to beat himself up too much over the small loss. Suddenly, he notices Deceit, and his eyes widen in obvious surprise. “Oh, good morning, Dimitri! My, you’re up pretty early today!”

“Dimitri?” Romulus looks up from his mirror, raising his finished eyebrow at Deceit. “Goodness, this is a rarity! Of course, considering… actually, nevermind,” He catches himself before he can mention Paranoia, quick to try and derail the conversation. “So, um, how are you this morning, Dimitri? Did you sleep well?”

“Um… yes, I did,” Deceit lies, beginning to edge towards the kitchen so he can grab what he needs and book it back to his room. “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment.”

Once free of Romulus and Procrastination’s pestering, Deceit hurries past Patton, thankful when the well-behaved Side let’s him slip past without having to push. Unfortunately for Deceit, he still gets questioned nonetheless. “What’re you up to this early, Dimitri? You finally gonna have breakfast with the family?” Patton asks, sounding almost hopeful.

Deceit shakes his head, tempted to roll his eyes at Patton’s idiotic expectations. “No, I don’t think I will; I just want to grab something to eat and get back to work.”

“What are you working on?” Logan asks, not even looking up from his book. “I certainly hope you’re not planning on doing something that will get Thomas in trouble…  _ again. _ It’s Saturday, and Thomas really doesn’t need to be grounded for the weekend.”

“How many times must I say that I am  _ not  _ an antagonist in Thomas’s life? I’m simply doing my job, something someone like  _ you  _ would never understand.” Deceit doesn’t even  _ try  _ to be courteous with Logan, secretly wanting to get a rise out of him, which isn’t all that hard.

_ “Excuse _ me? That’s no way to talk to someone, Dimitri,” Patton scolds lightly, but to Deceit’s amusement, he’s not the only one who gets scolded. “And Logan, you should be less suspicious of our friends and family! For all you know, Dimitri could be working on something really lovely!”

Logan scowls, not happy to be lectured for something he thinks wasn’t his fault. “…Alright,” He mutters, clearly annoyed. “I guess I’ll just keep all my opinions to myself.”

“Now don’t-” Patton goes to say something, but the oven going off stops him in his tracks. “Oh, that must be the french toast!” He chirps, pulling it out of the oven using his oven mitts. He sets it on a hot pad in the middle of the table, grinning like a bobcat. “Alright, everyone, breakfast is finally ready!”

“Oh, thank Christ, I’m  _ so  _ hungry,” Procrastination says, throwing down his controller before running into the kitchen, nearly toppling over Deceit in his haste to grab a seat. “Hell yeah, we’re having french toast?  _ Nice!” _

“Easy, tiger. Remember your manners!” Patton warns, before giving Deceit a warm, friendly smile; it makes Deceit internally cringe. “Come on and have a seat, Dimitri. I know you wanna hurry and work on your lil’ project, but it’ll be real quick, I promise!”

Deceit hesitates, but with Romulus soon joining his fellow Sides at the table, and everyone staring expectantly at him… he bites back a sigh, and very reluctantly, he sits down in the one empty seat at the kitchen table, hating their judgment more than anything else. Patton and Romulus brighten up automatically, happy that he’s joining them for breakfast, while Logan simply raises an eyebrow at Deceit, his movements hesitant as he serves himself breakfast, as if he’s afraid that Deceit is going to do or say something awful. The lying Side can’t say he blames him, as he is indeed scheming behind everyone’s backs, but he has no interest in saying so, content with playing along with Patton’s little  _ ‘pretend game’ _ of a happy family, at least for the moment. Soon enough, the silence breaks, Logan beginning to explain the plot of Thomas’s assigned reading, while Romulus cuts in on occasion with his own opinions on the book, having more than a few theories for where the story will go. Deceit sits on the sidelines, watching as the other Sides converse so casually, as if they’ve never once disagreed before…

It makes him fucking  _ sick. _

“Dimitri?” Patton speaks up, breaking Deceit out of his stupor. “Is that really  _ all  _ you’re going to eat, kiddo? You should at least have a  _ few  _ more bites!”

Deceit blinks, glancing down at his plate; he actually forgot he’d gotten food for himself. The Side bites back a growl, irritated by Patton’s inquiry, as it’s not like he hasn’t eaten enough or anything… damned idiot, insisting everyone play along with his childish games. “I’m fine, thank you.” Deceit fibs, hoping it’ll be enough to shut Patton up.

Patton opens his mouth, ready to keep going, but as usual, Logan is the one to cut him off. “It’s fine, Patton, just leave him be. Actually, while everyone’s slowing down, I have something important I want to discuss with you all.”

“Is it about your love of Crofters? We get it, bro, you’d stick your you-know-what in a jar of jelly if we didn’t have a communal jar,” Procrastination jokes, laughing like a lunatic when Logan’s face goes beet red. “Oh my god, look at your face! That’s  _ priceless!” _

“Procrastination, that’s so unbelievably mean of you to say!” Patton scolds, not at all appreciative of Procrastination’s crude humor.

There’s a pause, before Procrastination changes the subject rather brilliantly, so much so that Deceit would be more impressed if Procrastination weren’t so lazy most of the time. “Actually, I finally came up with my own name, so you don’t have to call me Procrastination anymore!” Procrastination explains, leaning back in his seat.

As expected, this causes Patton to immediately forget about what Procrastination just said. “Oh, really? That’s wonderful! I was wondering when you’d tell us your name… so what is it, kiddo?”

Procrastination waits a little longer, letting the silence draw out for dramatic effect. “It’s William, but you guys can call me Billy if you want.”

If someone dropped a pin, Deceit has no doubt that everyone would hear it. “…William?  _ Really? _ That’s certainly an…  _ interesting  _ choice.” Logan mutters, baffled by the name.

“Billy? Oh, what a  _ cute  _ nickname! That’s such a good name for you, Billy!” Patton praises, just glad that now every Side has a more personal name for him to use.

Romulus looks just as confused as Logan, if not more so. “William; developed from the Germanic Willehelm, which is derived from the elements of willeo, which relates to will or determination, as well as helm, which is meant to represent protection. Are you, um,  _ certain  _ this name suits you, my friend?” He tries being nice about it, but he definitely comes off as pretty insulting.

Thankfully for everyone involved, Procrastination- or rather,  _ William  _ now- is not the type to be easily angered nor insulted, at least not when he’s in the mood to piss people off. “What can I say? I’m  _ clearly  _ the voice of reason around here; only makes sense that I would have a stuffy, respectable name, ya feel me?”

Logan bristles, scowling viciously at William. “That’s not… you know what? I know you want a reaction out of me, so I’m just going to ignore you and continue with what I was saying before,” He clears his throat, garnering everyone’s attention once more. “As I was saying… Deceit and I have discussed it between each other a few times in the last several weeks, and we have come to the conclusion that another Side is coming to be. Actually, to put it more accurately, the new Side is already here.”

Patton grins wider than ever, practically bouncing in his seat with excitement.  _ “Really!? _ Well, where is he? Let’s welcome him into the family!”

“That’s the problem, Patton… he’s  _ deliberately  _ hiding from us,” Logan makes to share a glance with Deceit, but he hesitates, noticing how much Deceit is squirming in his seat. “Deceit?  _ …Dimitri? _ What’s wrong?”

Deceit coughs into his fist, more than a little paranoid about being caught… an unfortunate side effect of spending the last six or so hours with a being of pure, overwhelming anxiety. “Who, me? Oh, I’m fine, Logic! Just…  _ uncomfortable, _ that’s all.”

To Deceit’s relief, this actually doesn’t make Logan suspicious. “Not surprising, considering what we’re dealing with here,” He sighs to himself, mentally preparing to tell everyone what’s happening. “Unfortunately for all of us, I don’t believe that this Side is as beneficial to Thomas’s health as we would want him to be. On the contrary, I believe he’s hurting Thomas with his presence, though I sincerely doubt it’s intentional. You see, I believe that this new Side is meant to represent Thomas’s Paranoia.”

“Paranoia!?” Patton is shocked, suddenly horrified by the news. “Since when is Thomas  _ paranoid? _ I know that school’s been stressful, but… how can he be  _ paranoid?” _

“Well, anxiety runs in the family,” Logan deadpans, trying to use evidence to explain the situation to his fellow Sides. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Thomas inherited it, but in a much more unhealthy fashion. Middle school, as research has proven time and time again, is overall one of the most stressful times of any person’s life. With puberty setting in, alongside the beginning signs of mental illness and an uncertainty of where he’ll fit in society as an adult, it only makes sense that a Side portraying Thomas’s anxiety would come to be, though this Side’s version of anxiety is… far more  _ severe  _ than anyone would have liked,” He suddenly stands, pulling out a notepad from his back pocket, which he tosses onto the table, letting it fall open to the page he wants everyone to look at. “Do any of you know what you are currently looking at?” The voice of reason asks, curious to see if anyone’s on the same page as him.

Romulus stifles a laugh against his shirt sleeve, and although he’s doing a very good job at hiding it, Deceit can see how nervous he is. “It’s, um… wait, what  _ is  _ that?” He squints at the paper, suddenly confused. “What is that, an egg with legs?”

Logan blushes a little, huffing under his breath. “No, that’s my attempt at drawing Paranoia,” He deadpans, snatching up the notepad to keep from being teased anymore. “To put it simply, I have good reason to believe that, unlike any Side before him, Paranoia has decided to take the form of a small child. Clearly this is a defense mechanism, as to protect himself from harm by appearing young and innocent, but he may very well be a child mentally as well. In any case, I’ve no doubt that he’s already come to be, and despite our best efforts, Deceit and I have been unable to find him,” He looks to Deceit again, this time more expectant than before. “You haven’t found him yet, right? It’s important that, if you  _ do  _ find him, he is to be brought to Patton right away, as he is the most equipped to care for a child,” He turns to Patton, too caught up in the situation to give Deceit enough time to respond. “Patton, will you be up for this? You must understand that Paranoia will not stay a child forever, but he needs a caregiver until-”

“-Yes, yes, a thousand times  _ yes!” _ Patton cheers, jumping out of his chair with a happy shout, nearly knocking his chair to the floor in the process. “This is the best day  _ ever!  _ Oh, I’ve always  _ wanted  _ a son, and now I finally get the chance to be a dad! Thank you  _ so much, _ Logan!” He hugs Logan as tight as he can, still grinning.

Logan huffs, rolling his eyes at Patton’s nonsense. “Well, who  _ else  _ was I supposed to ask? You’re the most logical choice to tend to a child. Again, he won’t stay a child forever, at least, I sincerely hope he doesn’t, but in any case, don’t grow too attached to him only as an adolescent… he’ll grow up eventually, just like Thomas.”

Deceit nods alongside everyone else, feeling more and more uncomfortable as Logan explains the situation to the rest of the Sides. Deep down, Deceit knows that keeping Paranoia to himself is not only incredibly selfish, but dangerous. As Logan has said, and as Deceit has observed, Paranoia is a  _ very  _ young child, and his capacity to keep from not only overwhelming himself but those around him is, to put it simply,  _ nonexistent. _ With enough careful training and mentoring, Deceit’s certain he can teach Paranoia to control himself more effectively in the future, but in the meantime, the boy’s paranoid behavior is beginning to rub off on Deceit, making the Side feel  _ unbelievably  _ uncomfortable and afraid. The more he thinks about, the more Deceit realizes that Patton- as annoying as he is- is the best choice for caring for Paranoia, especially if Logan is there to reason with the kid and help him rationalize through whatever is bothering or frightening him. By all accounts, giving Paranoia to Logan and Patton would be the best decision, both for Deceit and Paranoia, but…

Well, finders keepers, and Deceit found the kid first.

“We’ll let you know if we find the tyke, Logs,” William assures, breaking Deceit from his rampant worrying. “God knows I don’t wanna be responsible for a freaking toddler.”

“I appreciate that; keep me posted, please,” Logan replies, trying his best to be kinder to William, as he’s well aware that his rivalry with him is more than a little out of hand. “That, or let Patton know if I’m too busy. Remember, Paranoia is a  _ very  _ skittish Side, and will more than likely run if you attempt to approach him. Our best bet is to leave out food for him, as to lure him out of hiding into a more populated area. With any luck, someone will find him and be able to talk him into joining us. If not…” He sighs under his breath, giving Patton a nervous look. “As much as it pains me to say it, we may have to use force to capture Paranoia… we can try to avoid it if we can, but we cannot allow Paranoia to run wild for too long, lest he negatively affect Thomas with his presence.”

“We’re not going to  _ hurt him, _ yes? He’s just a small child,” Romulus points out, subtly sharing a look with Deceit. “I’d hate for the poor lad to get injured.”

“Hey, um, am I the only one noticing how  _ weird  _ you and Dim are acting?” William asks, raising his concerns with the group for once. Of course, Deceit wouldn’t be surprised if he was only pointing out his and Romulus’s suspicious behavior to piss him off. “‘Cus you two keep looking at each other like you wanna, ya know…” He makes a vague, crude gesture that Deceit knows to be hinting at sex.

“I will admit, your behavior has been very uncharacteristic today, Deceit,” Logan admits, eyeing the other Side carefully. “Are you hiding something from us?”

Deceit and Romulus exchange a look, before the former decides to take the plunge and try lying his way out of this. “Well… last night, Romulus and I saw Paranoia, but unfortunately for us, he managed to slip away into the basement.” Deceit explains, avoiding eye contact when he explains himself.

“The _ basement!?  _ Oh, he must be so  _ scared!” _ Patton quickly grows worried, beginning to grab some tupperware and gather up some food for the missing Side. “Come on, Logan, we need to go look for him downstairs! I only hope he’s okay… the poor kid must be  _ starving  _ by now.”

“Patton, calm down,” Logan orders, voice firm. “Although Paranoia may very well have escaped into the basement overnight, it’s even  _ more  _ likely that he’s moved to another location since then. If I had to guess, I would say he’s probably using the vents to get around, especially considering how young he’s made himself,” He looks to Deceit again, still appearing skeptical, but calming Patton down has gotten him distracted from thinking too hard about Deceit’s answer, which is all too useful for the manipulative Side. “Deceit, I trust that you’ll stay on the lookout, yes? Patton and I will check the basement together,” He points to Romulus. “You can check the bedrooms,” He and Deceit just stare at each other for a moment, neither trusting the other. “Dimitri, please look through all of the closets and bathrooms,” He hesitates again, unsure when it comes to William. “You can, um… how about you wait here in the living room, in case Paranoia tries to hide from one of us in here?”

William smirks, giving Logan a thumbs up. “You know me so well, Loggie.” He praises, thankful to not be given a heavy workload.

Logan huffs, ignoring the insulting nickname based off of his name. “Is everyone satisfied with their tasks? I understand that it’s Saturday, and some of you may want to have fun through Thomas, but we need to focus our efforts on finding Paranoia before that can happen. Don’t worry, I’m sure Thomas will be fine for a short while; William will keep him busy with his video games until we’re done.”

“Logic,” Deceit’s tone is tighter than a noose when he addresses Logan, his nervousness far too apparent for his liking. “If you wouldn’t mind, may I please switch roles with Romulus?”

Logan makes a concerned face, raising a single eyebrow at his fellow Side. “And why would you like to trade, Deceit?” He’s more than a little suspicious, not trusting Deceit in the least. “Unlike you, Romulus has been in everyone’s rooms several times, and I believe he has the ability to be less affected by the side-effects of other rooms, such as Patton’s nostalgia and William’s fatigue. As such, I believe he’d be better off searching the bedrooms. Besides, Patton and I have the basement covered; we just need someone to search through the smaller sections of the mind palace.”

Well, that’s actually some pretty solid reasoning, which isn’t too surprising, considering it’s Logan coming up with the game plan, but… well, Deceit is still rather unhappy with it, for obvious reasons, not the least of which being that Paranoia isn’t supposed to be around anyone but him right now. “Let me put it this way then; I don’t want anyone in my room, not even Romulus.” Deceit states, unable to keep down a growl.

“I won’t touch anything, I promise,” Romulus assures, the glint in his eyes saying otherwise. No doubt he wants to meet Paranoia now that the kid’s awake, and he’s all too aware of Deceit as a person to expect his permission, so he’s willing to sneak his way into meeting the boy if he has to. “Don’t even fret over it, friend. Trust me, I have the bedrooms under control.”

“It’ll be alright, Dimitri,” Patton joins in on trying to get Deceit to chill out, his smile friendly. “You can trust your best buddy to go in your bedroom, right? I bet he’s been in there a buncha times already, so it’s no big deal!”

Deceit just continues to frown, tempted to cross his arms and huff, but he’d hate for anyone to realize how upset he is, so he settles for simply nodding in surrender. “Very well,” He says through gritted teeth, having to force himself not to hiss. “I will allow it… but only this once.”

“Of course, Dimitri,” Romulus agrees, standing up with a bounce in his step, his excitement boisterous and unfiltered. “We should get started then, yes? Off we go!” With that, he runs off in a rush, making a beeline for Deceit’s room.

Deceit watches him go, feeling all kinds of frustrated, but he can’t blow his cover by continuing to argue. The rest of the Sides quickly begin their search, Patton and Logan descending into the basement with some tupperware food and juiceboxes while William sprawls out lazily on the couch, quick to pick up where he left off in his video game. Deceit stays put for a few more minutes, waiting until William isn’t paying attention- oh sure, he  _ acts  _ like he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything, but he’s far more perceptive of his surroundings than he allows his roommates to realize, though Deceit certainly isn’t foolish enough to underestimate him- to grab some tupperware and package up some food; can’t forget what he came here for. Again, Deceit waits until William isn’t looking, before he finally scuttles out of the kitchen, making a point out of ignoring him as he heads through the living room and into the nearest hallway. Much like last night, Deceit is careful not to make much noise as he walks down the hall, half scared Logan or Patton will catch him not following orders.

To the mischievous Side’s thankfulness, Logan and Patton are already downstairs, so there’s no one around to scold him for neglecting his duties. Letting out a sigh of relief, Deceit makes for his bedroom, heart hammering in his chest with anticipation. He knows Romulus is probably already in his bedroom by now, but some part of him wishes this weren’t the case, so that he could have time to hide Paranoia from his friend. Unfortunately for Deceit, he gets no such luxuries, finding his bedroom door cracked open when he gets there, which he knows can only mean one thing… slowly, he opens the door a bit wider and steps inside, stopping dead in his tracks as he assesses the scene in front of him. Romulus is on his hands and knees, peering under the bed as he murmurs softly to a frightened Paranoia, trying to luring the young child out from his hiding place with kind words. Even with Romulus acting empathetic, Paranoia is having none of it, his sobbing soft but still audible from where he’s hidden, the boy occasionally whimpering and fussing as he scoots as far away from Romulus as physically possible, not allowing the stranger anywhere near him.

As Deceit walks inside, he shuts and locks the door behind himself, as to avoid attracting even  _ more  _ witnesses. “Romulus, that’s enough,” He orders, his tone allowing no wiggle room or kindness, not even to his closest friend. “Leave the poor boy alone, for god’s sake.”

Romulus spares Deceit a glance, but otherwise refuses to move. “You know I would never try to hurt him, dearest,” He promises, eyes fixing back onto Paranoia. “Come on out, little one… I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“NO!” Paranoia shouts, and although Deceit doesn’t have a good angle on the kid, he can hear the glare in his voice. “Deceit says all other Sides are bad and dangerous!”

Romulus blinks, giving Deceit a less than impressed look. “…Care to explain, darling?” He comes off as almost sympathetic, but Deceit can tell he’s less than pleased by Paranoia’s current view on the other Sides.

Deceit resists the urge to squirm, unaccustomed to Romulus’s displeasure. “I don’t know where he learned that,” He lies, coming to crouch beside Romulus, putting his hand under the bed to reach for his ward. “Paranoia, it’s alright to come out now; this Side is a friend.”

There’s a moment of hesitation, before Paranoia shyly takes the older Side’s hand, allowing Deceit to pull him out from under the bed, the more dishonest Side sitting Paranoia on his lap to comfort him. Once the kid is settled, Romulus sits down in front of the duo, offering Paranoia a warm smile. “Hello there, little one,” Romulus greets, his whisper soft and full of love. “My name is Romulus, and I represent Thomas’s creativity… you’re Paranoia, correct?”

Paranoia gives a weak nod, all while staring up at Deceit in confusion, unable to keep from squirming anxiously on his lap. “Deceit… I thought all other Sides were dangerous. That’s what you said, right?” He asks, something in his eyes distrustful and afraid.

“I forgot to mention Romulus,” Deceit says, not looking at Romulus as he says this, as he knows he accidentally just outed his earlier lie. “He’s safe, much like me. As he said, Romulus represents Thomas’s creativity, just as I represent self-preservation.”

“That’s not  _ all  _ you represent, darling,” Romulus mutters, not at all happy with Deceit at the moment. “I see you’re already filling the poor boy’s head with even  _ more  _ worries… honestly, do you intend on sending the child into a panic attack? Because that’s what’s going to happen.”

“Hush,” Deceit orders, daring to glare at the other Side. “I only tell him these things to prepare him… you know Logic and Morality won’t take well to his mannerisms, and I want him to be ready for the worst case scenario.”

Romulus continues scowling at Deceit for a bit longer, before he drops it, not wanting to argue in front of Paranoia, something the other Side deeply appreciates. “So then,” He moves on, addressing Paranoia again in an attempt to move the conversation along. “Are you hungry, Paranoia?”

Paranoia again nods, relaxing a fraction now that he’s been assured that everyone in the room is safe. With that confirmation, Deceit pulls out the tupperware from earlier, letting go of Paranoia for a moment to get it open. As this happens, Paranoia takes the opportunity to crawl into Romulus’s lap instead. Deceit fumbles, almost dropping the tupperware when he goes to grab Paranoia, as he wants to keep him to himself, but Romulus happily accepts the young Side onto his lap, quick to wrap his arms around the little boy and hug him close. Paranoia offers a rare smile at the gesture, still getting used to hugs, but it’s obvious he likes them, as he’s happy to hug the newcomer back, burying his face in his shirt. In the meantime, Deceit bites his bottom lip, tempted to order Paranoia back onto his own lap, but he’s lucky enough that Romulus hasn’t told anyone about the kid yet, so he’ll consider them even by not outwardly fussing about this. Once he has the food out- just some toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs- Deceit holds out the open container to Paranoia, alongside a plastic child’s fork.

Paranoia accepts the tupperware, but not the fork, digging in with his hands to eat, shoving handfuls of food into his mouth. “Ah ah  _ ah,” _ Romulus scolds oh so lightly, taking the fork from Deceit. With it, he stabs into the eggs, before offering a bite of food to Paranoia. “We eat with  _ silverware,  _ little one. A young prince such as yourself must remember his manners.”

“It’s not really  _ silverware,”  _ Deceit points out, blushing a little when Romulus simply raises an eyebrow at him. “Nevermind, I’ll shut up.”

“Thank you,” Romulus says, smiling gently at Paranoia again to try and persuade him into cooperating. “Come now, little one, it’s alright,” He pushes the fork a little closer to Paranoia’s mouth, not willing to give up so easily. “Please, for me? I’ll give you a nice present if you eat using this fork.”

That gets through to the kid, Paranoia shyly accepting the bite of food, before gently taking the fork from Romulus, feeding himself now that he knows what to do.  _ “There _ we go,” Deceit praises, grateful that Romulus is teaching the kid at least  _ some  _ table manners. “There’s my good boy.”

Just like before, Paranoia is pleased with the praise, but he still blushes and averts his eyes, uncomfortable with garnering so much attention. Once he’s done eating- he manages to actually eat everything that was brought to him, which is a bit surprising, as Deceit was half scared that the kid wouldn’t have a very big appetite- he blinks up at Romulus, appearing expectant. “You, um…” Paranoia struggles with his words, squirming anxiously at the thought of bringing up the older Side’s promise to him. “You said you would-”

“-Give you a present?” Romulus finishes for him, catching on to how nervous Paranoia is.

Paranoia nods his confirmation, unable to keep from smiling with excitement now that he knows Romulus is going to keep his promise. With a wave of his hand, Romulus suddenly produces a stuffed spider from thin air. “Here you are,” He says, smiling brightly at the boy on his lap. “A little friend, just for you.”

“Wow!” Paranoia can’t help but gape, smiling brightly as he accepts the large, stuffed spider from Romulus, quick to hug the plush animal close to his chest. “Thank you, sir!”

Romulus chuckles, both at Paranoia’s formality and his love for the gift. “No need to be so formal, little friend… you may call me  _ Romulus,” _ He pauses, before laughing again. “Of course, a few Sides call me  _ ‘The King’,  _ so you may call me that as well!”

“The  _ king?” _ Paranoia repeats, puzzled by the odd nickname. “Why do they call you  _ that? _ Are you  _ really  _ a king?”

“He’s not actually royalty, but he certainly acts like he is,” Deceit explains, chuckling at the miffed look Romulus is sending his way. “No, he got the nickname from Morality after he decided to start wearing that rainbow cloak he has on everywhere he goes.”

“It’s pretty,” Paranoia says, referring to the cloak, which he shyly grabs ahold of, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers; Deceit makes a mental note of Paranoia’s fondness of soft things, chalking it up to the kid needing to stimulate in order to stay relaxed. “So, if you’re the king… who’s the  _ queen?” _

Romulus smirks, much to Deceit’s confusion. “Why, that’s Dimitri!”

Deceit goes about seven different shades of red, all while Paranoia just looks confused as all hell. “I’m  _ not-” _ He tries to brush Romulus off, but he gets interrupted.

“-I didn’t know boys could be queens.” Paranoia admits, not noticing how much Deceit is blushing and sputtering.

“If someone wants to be a queen, they can be a queen. If someone wants to be a king, they can be a king,” Romulus explains, giving Paranoia a hug around his frail little torso. “Don’t  _ ever  _ let anyone tell you otherwise, understand?”

Paranoia huffs, not liking how hard he’s being squeezed, even though Romulus is obviously making an effort not to hurt him. The boy squirms, until finally his hugger let’s go, allowing the child to continue cuddling his new stuffed animal. “Um… thank you again for the spider, Mr. King,” Paranoia says, not comfortable enough around Romulus to keep from being at least a  _ little  _ formal. “I really love it.”

“That’s good,” Romulus makes a point out of ignoring Paranoia’s name for him. He then shares a look with Deceit, his eyes full of concern. “So… what are you going to do about-”

“-Not now,” Deceit warns, not wanting to talk about the others in front of Paranoia, at least not until the kid is more adjusted to his new caretaker. “Paranoia, I think you should take another nap; you didn’t get  _ nearly  _ enough sleep last night.”

“Okay,” Paranoia agrees easily enough, so fatigued that he’s not going to fuss about being put down for a nap. “Goodnight, Mr. King, it was nice meeting you.” He says, half scared he won’t see him again anytime soon.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back again later,” Romulus reassures, giving Paranoia a short hair ruffle to make him feel better. “You get some good rest, alright? Can’t have my little prince getting sick.”

Paranoia smiles shyly at him, nodding before he hops off of his lap and crawls onto Deceit’s bed, making himself comfortable under the older Side’s bed sheets; Deceit still needs to figure out how to summon a bed for him, but he’ll worry about that later. With the kid more or less taken care of, Deceit stands, cracking his back to get rid of the soreness. Romulus does the same, adding a yawn for good measure, which Deceit would usually find cute, were it not for the fact that he’s still pissed off at Romulus. After all, he purposefully found a way to work against Deceit’s wishes, deciding to meet Paranoia without his permission instead of leaving the other Side to raise the kid in peace. Of course, Deceit can’t say he  _ blames  _ Romulus- he knows he’s curious, and it’s hard to stop him from getting what he wants, one way or another- but he’s still fairly upset that he can’t raise Paranoia all by himself anymore. Oh sure, he can  _ try, _ but given enough time, Romulus will find a way around his defenses again. Besides, Paranoia seems to really like him, which would make it even harder for Deceit to keep Romulus out. Silently, the older Sides finally exit the room, allowing Paranoia to sleep in peace.

They barely make it into the hallway before Romulus begins chewing Deceit out. “All the other Sides are bad and dangerous?” He repeats Paranoia’s words from earlier, even mimicking the child’s soft and gentle voice. “What in the  _ world  _ are you putting in that boy’s  _ head, _ Dimitri? You haven’t even had him for  _ twenty-four hours  _ yet!”

“Like I explained last night, I do not trust the other Sides, and neither should you,” Deceit explains, resisting the urge to be as angry as he was last night. “Their expectations are outrageous, not to mention dangerous, and I don’t intend on letting their peer pressure harm Paranoia the way it’s harmed me. Am I so horrible as to shelter him? To keep him from the dangers of this world? I am only  _ protecting him, _ Romulus.”

“You’re familiar with the story of Rapunzel, yes?” Romulus suddenly asks, much to Deceit’s confusion. He waits for Deceit to nod in confirmation before he continues. “In that tale, Rapunzel’s mother locks her away in a tall tower, not allowing her the freedom to experience the world and all it has to offer her. Soon enough, Rapunzel grows very depressed, and feels unbelievably alone in her tower, incapable of living her life as a normal girl. Whether you like it or not, you intend to subject Paranoia to such a lifestyle, and as the story warns, that would be cruel. I understand that your intentions are  _ good,  _ but… Dimitri, you  _ can’t  _ force a man to be an island, no matter the challenges that await him,” He sighs, averting his eyes. “I  _ know  _ you want to protect him, Dimitri… but  _ please, _ understand that you’re only going to hurt him in the long run. What happens when he’s grown? What happens when your room becomes too small for his heart? What happens when a prince convinces him to let down his metaphorical hair, and he is inevitably made to traverse this brave new world without so much as a warning of it’s rules?”

“That right there is why I am sheltering him,” Deceit ignores everything else Romulus proposed, spotting what he wants to address in order to make his case more convincing. “Society and it’s  _ rules…  _ no matter what you propose, society itself is a horrid, constricting experiment, which aims to strangle it’s participants and leave them broken beyond repair. I will not… I  _ cannot  _ allow Paranoia to suffer under it’s weight, and I won’t let you subject him to such a fate,” He offers a small sigh, shaking his head a little. “As for your fairytale… it’s just that; a  _ fairytale. _ There’s no real  _ weight  _ to it, not in the real world. Society creates those stories full of propaganda to scare it’s inhabitants, keeping parents from protecting their children from it’s ironclad grasp.”

“God, you are  _ such  _ a drama queen,” Romulus points out, as if he himself isn’t the most dramatic Side that’s ever existed. “All this talk of society and propaganda… don’t you understand that human beings are inherently kind and good-natured? No one would  _ willingly  _ hurt another person! I know you want to keep Paranoia out of harm’s way, but I assure you, Patton and Logan are  _ more  _ than capable of rearing him. Hell, I’m sure they’ll let you  _ help!” _

“That’s where you’re most  _ certainly  _ wrong, your majesty,” Deceit says, his glare unfiltered out of sheer exhaustion; if only he had gotten enough sleep last night, maybe  _ then  _ he would be able to reason with Romulus better. “If those two  _ ever  _ find out about Paranoia, they’ll never let me near him again! They’ll say I’m  _ ‘corrupting him’ _ or something of that nature… I won’t let them take him away from me. I don’t care if they’d be better parents; I found him first, so he’s mine to raise! You can assist if you so desire, but if you so much as  _ hint  _ that the others are worth trusting to him…” He pauses, suddenly off-kilter. He wants to push Romulus away- to be the only one with access to Paranoia- but he can’t bring himself to completely dispel the other Side from his life, having always had a fondness for the king. “I care for you, Romulus- more than any other Side- but I  _ need  _ you to understand… I’m  _ not  _ going to hurt Paranoia, not ever. My intention is to raise him  _ correctly, _ and I  _ will  _ do so, but I can’t do that if you get in the way. Please…  _ please  _ don’t make me push you away.”

Romulus makes a concerned face, opening his mouth to protest, but he stops when he sees Logan and Patton coming his way. “We’re back from our search,” Logan says, coming to a stop beside the other Sides. “We couldn’t find Paranoia downstairs, no matter how much we looked.”

Patton nods in agreement, looking close to tears behind Logan. “We’re starting to think he’s upstairs somewhere… did you two have any luck finding him?” He appears hopeful, desperate for good news.

Deceit shakes his head. “No, not yet. I searched every closet and bathroom, but I had no such luck, and Romulus couldn’t find him either… Paranoia is very cunning, so he must be somewhere well-hidden.” Lying comes easy to him, as it usually does, and it isn’t hard for him to spit out some nonsense.

Logan doesn’t appear convinced, giving Romulus a raised eyebrow. “Is what Deceit saying true, Romulus? Did neither of you find any trace of Paranoia?”

Romulus squirms in place, not nearly as good at lying as his friend. “Um… that’s correct,” He agrees, trying to play along with Deceit’s lie, as he doesn’t want to lose the small amount of trust he’s earned from him. “Unfortunately, we couldn’t find him anywhere… must be a slippery little one, huh?”

“I…  _ suppose  _ so,” Logan can tell they’re lying- it’s too in Deceit’s nature for it  _ not  _ to be the case- but without sufficient evidence, he can’t call either Side out on their bullshit. “Well, if  _ that’s  _ the case, then please let Patton or I know the  _ minute  _ you find him… it’s integral that someone with experience and patience care for Paranoia, as he clearly needs a stable caregiver to watch over him.”

“Are you  _ implying  _ something, Logic?” Deceit can’t help but be defensive, glaring harshly at Logan. “Because it sounds like you don’t think the king and I would be good fathers.”

“I  _ never  _ said that,” Logan points out, ignoring Deceit’s sudden hostility. “I only said that Paranoia is in desperate need of stability, and I believe that Patton and I are the best candidates to give him that.”

Deceit stares Logan down, the two Sides locking eyes. After several beats of silence, Patton is the one to break the tension. “Maybe he’s in the vents?” He offers, having completely bought Romulus and Deceit’s lie, especially since the king defended it. “We should turn on the air and see if that draws him out!”

Logan hesitates, tempted to continue the stand off with Deceit, but he relents, not willing to start anything too serious. “You make a good point, Patton,” He agrees, at least  _ trying  _ to trust his fellow Sides more by letting this go. “Keep on the lookout for Paranoia, alright? I’ll keep you updated.” With that, he and Patton continue down the hall together.

Deceit watches them go, full of contempt and irrational anger. “You  _ see?” _ He makes an angry gesture for Romulus, unable to let his frustration go so easily. “They don’t trust us at  _ all…  _ they would make for  _ awful  _ caretakers, especially for someone as sensitive as Paranoia. No, what that boy needs is  _ protection, _ and that’s something I plan to give him in  _ spades.” _

Romulus gives Deceit a hesitant look, his eyes giving away how upset he was by Logan’s distrustfulness, even if it was well earned. “I… I still don’t think it’s right to shelter him to such an extreme,” He mutters, most of the fight gone from his voice. “What will you do when he’s all grown up, Dimitri? He’ll certainly want to explore more, especially once he realizes that the other Sides aren’t as dangerous as you’re making them out to be.”

“You don’t think their overwhelmingly high expectations and willingness to blindly obey society’s rules isn’t dangerous to the embodiment of Thomas’s paranoia? Fine, keep living a lie,” Deceit hates acting like this- hates arguing with Romulus at all- but he has little choice. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to check on Paranoia; he’s prone to nightmares, and I’d hate for him to wake up alone.”

“If you’re so sure, my darling,” Romulus doesn’t fight with him this time around, still too desperate to keep Deceit as a friend to risk arguing with him too extensively. “But _ please, _ take my warnings to heart, friend… curiosity is ingrained in every living thing, no matter if they are an animal or a person, and that curiosity will draw them out of their hiding places and into the great unknown. I only hope that you’ll prepare Paranoia for it, instead of leaving him defenseless.” He leaves soon after, having nothing more to say to Deceit.

Deceit’s tempted to keep it going, but he refrains from doing so, aware that it would only make things worse in the long run. Sighing, he retreats back into his bedroom, relieved when he sees that Paranoia is still, thankfully, fast asleep in the older Side’s bed. With all the carefulness of a housecat, Deceit pulls back on his pajamas from earlier, as he figures it wouldn’t hurt to grab a nap as well; not like anyone wants him around right now anyways. Once dressed, the distrustful Side crawls into bed beside Paranoia, hugging the little boy close to his chest, squishing the kid’s newfound stuffed animal between them. Deceit smirks, remembering how happy Paranoia was to receive the gift… although the kid is obviously quite fearful and skittish, Paranoia seems to have a morbid fascination with death and scary things of that nature, which puzzles Deceit. Shouldn’t the embodiment of fear be running from things that are scary and traumatizing? Maybe this is his way of coping with it all… yeah, that sounds plausible. Deceit brushes the thought aside, as it isn’t all that important, at least when compared to everything else he’s dealing with right now.

Whether Deceit likes it or not, Romulus is now one-hundred percent involved with taking care of Paranoia, as he’s made it clear to the kid that he’s a trusted adult in his life. Deceit would much prefer if he was the  _ only  _ authority figure in his ward’s life, but as it stands, he’ll have to put up with Romulus’s assistance for the time being. Of course, Deceit doesn’t doubt that he could pull off villainizing Romulus in Paranoia’s eyes if need be, but… well, in all honesty- something Deceit  _ rarely  _ cares to indulge in- he appreciates Romulus’s willingness to help him out with this, even if they don’t entirely agree on how to raise Paranoia. Like Romulus warned, Paranoia won’t stay a small child forever, and once he’s grown, his anxiousness may be too much for one parent to handle, even for a parent as level-headed and controlled as Deceit is. With Romulus around to lend a hand, Paranoia will have less opportunities to run off and get himself corrupted or hurt by the outside world. Sure, it sucks that Romulus wants Paranoia to be free, but hopefully he’ll see that his friend is right someday.

Suddenly, Deceit is broken from his thoughts by a low whine, Paranoia squirming in his arms as he wakes up. “Mm…  _ drat,”  _ Paranoia growls, huffing under his breath as he comes to. “Didn’t wanna have that one again.”

“Another nightmare?” Deceit asks, which earns a disappointed nod. He offers Paranoia an empathetic smile, rubbing his back in circles. “No need to fret, little one… you’ve plenty of time to sleep. Perhaps this time, when you close your eyes, you won’t have another nightmare.”

Paranoia seems unconvinced, continuing to frown, before his eyes land on his stuffed animal, which gets a small smile out of him. Deceit notices this and smirks, petting the stuffed toy as if it were a real animal. “You like your new stuffed animal, don’t you? The king did a very good job making it for you.”

Paranoia nods in agreement. “She’s super soft,” He says, his use of a gendered term suggesting he’s already very attached to the plushie. “I think I’m gonna name her Charlie.”

“Charlie? Is that perhaps short for Charlotte?” Deceit asks, curious.

“Mhm,” Paranoia hums, kissing his spider on it’s forehead. He then yawns, his exhaustion quickly returning to him, the nightmare finally forgotten. “Can I go back to sleep, sir?”

“Of course, Paranoia,” Deceit assures, running his fingers through the younger Side’s short hair, trying to help him along. “Sleep well, little one… don’t worry, I’ll watch over you while you rest.”

Paranoia nods, burying his face in Deceit’s sleep shirt. “Goodnight, Deceit.” He whispers, falling asleep soon enough.

Deceit watches him a little while longer, mind still buzzing with anxiety, especially with Paranoia right next to him. Nonetheless, his fatigue wins out, the older Side eventually giving in and falling asleep, his last thoughts being full of worry for the trials and tribulations ahead of him. With any luck, Deceit will make it through in one piece, but in the meantime, he’ll focus on getting enough rest so he can keep up with his young ward.


	2. Anything For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another episode of “I’m stupid and don’t know what the fuck I’m doing” I hope you’re prepared for disappointment and my terrible sense of humor.

“Um… sir?” Paranoia’s quiet- well, quieter than usual- when he speaks, keeping his eyes on his stuffed spider as he does so. “Can I, uh, ask you a question please?”

As Paranoia isn’t initiating eye contact, Deceit doesn’t feel the need to look at the boy when addressing him, keeping himself busy by continuing to clean up his bedroom; having a little kid around certainly hasn't made it any cleaner in here. “Of course you may, Paranoia. What do you wish to ask about?” The truth is, Deceit would rather  _ not  _ deal with questions right now, but to hell with it, he needs to teach the kid more about life anyways.

“Okay, so…” Again, Paranoia seems very nervous, even when compared to his usual behavior. Offhandedly, he hugs Charlie a little tighter, wanting to seek out comfort from the stuffed animal. “You know how you said the king is a good Side, even after you said all other Sides but us are bad? Um… why  _ are _ they bad, exactly?”

For a moment, Deceit was scared Paranoia would ask why he didn’t say Romulus was safe sooner, but he’s actually relieved by this question instead; it’s a wonderful opportunity to get Paranoia thinking the right way. “Well, there are three other Sides you haven’t met, those being Procrastination, Logic, and Morality; Procrastination isn’t much of a threat, seeing as he’s incredibly lazy, but I don’t trust him to be responsible enough to be around you, at least, not until you're older. As for Morality and Logic… well, they are both  _ very  _ selfish Sides, not to mention quite controlling of those around them. They may not be all that violent- well, Logic can get out of hand on occasion- but they aren't safe, not for someone as delicate and sensitive as you. That’s not meant to be insulting, Paranoia; I only pointed it out because you need to be aware of your shortcomings, lest someone try to take advantage of them.” That’s an ironic warning, considering which Side is giving it, but Deceit won’t let it worry him.

Paranoia takes a moment to look thoughtfully around the room, still too skittish to make direct eye contact with his mentor, which is all too convenient for Deceit, who struggles to lie when he’s forced to look into someone’s eyes. “Is… is  _ that _ the reason I’m not allowed outta your room? ‘Cus they’ll hurt me?”

“Yes,” Deceit says, the  _ ‘s’  _ coming out as a light hiss. “Unfortunately for you, Paranoia, you’re not yet strong enough to be on your own… it is in your best interest to stay with me, where it’s safe. Someday you’ll be ready to face them, but today is not that day. In fact, that day will not come for some time, at least if I have anything to say about it.”

There’s a period of silence afterwards, where Deceit thinks the conversation is over, but just as he’s folding up one of Romulus’s shirts- he needs to remind the king to stop changing clothes so often, especially when he’s in his room… though they  _ do  _ make for excellent nightshirts for his ward- Paranoia speaks up again, this time a bit more confident. “If Morality and Logic are  _ bad… _ why are  _ we _ good? That, um, doesn’t make a lot of sense, sir.”

“Thomas lies to himself about what’s truly right and wrong, which is why Logic and Morality are so corrupted,” Deceit is fast with the lie, not wanting to get too explanatory, lest he screw up and lie himself into a corner. “They may act pleasant on the surface, but deep down, they’re truly _ awful _ Sides, and they will only use you to get what they want.”

“What… what do they  _ want?”  _ Paranoia asks, finally looking up at his mentor, true fear in his hazel brown eyes.

Deceit spares Paranoia a glance, noticing how hard the boy is shaking; poor kid is terrified to know, but can’t help but ask anyways. “Well, that’s difficult to say… I try my best not to be around them very often, as I don’t want to become like them,” Deceit could easily leave it here, but… he has to resist the urge to smirk, spotting a great opportunity to scare some loyalty into his child. “However, I once overheard Morality saying how much he wanted a child to obsess over… I suppose that’s something he would enjoy; to have a child that blindly obeys his every command, almost like having a toy. After I heard that, I knew I could never let him come near you.”

“Wow, that’s… I never thought it would be  _ that  _ bad,” Paranoia admits, all while hopping off of Deceit’s bed, shuffling over to stand by the taller Side’s legs. After a moment, he hugs Deceit’s legs with all his might, burying his face in the man’s slacks. “Thank you for protecting me from the bad Sides, sir… I don’t know what I’d do if they had found me first.”

Deceit swiftly picks Paranoia up, hugging the child to his chest so he can’t see his mentor’s satisfied smile. “There there, my boy, it’s alright… I don’t know what would have happened if they’d found you either-” Paranoia would hate him; Patton would make him believe that Deceit’s some kind of monster, so it’s only fair that Deceit does the same to Patton in turn. “-But in any case, I’m happy to have you here, little one… life feels less hopeless when I know that I have you by my side.”

“And the king!” Paranoia adds, brightening up after being hugged; he tends to lighten up after receiving affection, which is an easy way for Deceit to encourage him to do certain things, like praise his mentor for doing the bare minimum to protect him.

“Hahaha… yes, I suppose he’s quite wonderful to have around, too,” Deceit agrees, balancing Paranoia on his hip as he continues tidying up the room. “But just so you know… I think  _ you’re  _ my favorite,” He smirks, kissing the boy’s forehead. “Just don’t tell him, or else he’ll probably cry!”

“Hahaha!” Paranoia giggles at Deceit’s teasing tone, beaming once he’s been kissed. The boy then sighs, resting his cheek on the older Side’s shoulder. “…I love you, sir,” He murmurs, tone quiet again, but not out of fear this time around. “I promise to get big and strong someday… then I can protect you from all the bad Sides who wanna hurt us.”

Deceit just continues to smile, pleased to hear that Paranoia’s dream is to follow the very same plan his guardian has for him. “No need to rush yourself, little one… take your time growing up; only then will you be strong enough to take on the outside world.”

Paranoia nods, soon falling asleep against Deceit. The dishonest Side chuckles, amused by how quickly Paranoia tends to tire himself out. Then again, the younger Side is indeed in the mindset of a child; he just has a much larger vocabulary and an easier time understanding obscure and complicated concepts. Once he’s got his clothes all folded, Deceit lays Paranoia down on the bed, smiling fondly at the tiny child he’s taken in. It’s hard sometimes, especially when the king is around to encourage Paranoia to be adventurous, but… well, Deceit can’t say he hates being a father. Paranoia certainly makes it easier, as he has a very apparent drive to please the authority figures in his life, and he tends to not act out… he would be the perfect Side for the others to mold into what they want from him, but luckily for Deceit, he found the kid first. Although Romulus doesn’t always approve of Deceit’s plans for Paranoia, the lying Side knows it’ll all pay off someday… soon enough, Paranoia will indeed be big and strong, and he’ll be able to help Deceit in becoming the most dominant Side in the mind palace.

It might not be the most enjoyable life, especially since Deceit will have the most control, but… someday, Paranoia will thank him for all his hard work.

* * *

“Paranoia, get down from there!” Deceit is careful to keep his voice down even when calling for his ward, so as not to attract unnecessary attention to his room.

“But, sir!” Paranoia’s voice comes out as a whine, the small boy giving his mentor a disappointed look from his newfound perch. “I love it up here; I can see the door and everything, so I can warn you if bad Sides try to come in!”

Deceit all but rolls his eyes, not understanding the kid’s logic at all. “I  _ mean it, _ Paranoia. Come down from there  _ right now, _ or I’ll make the king return to his room before sending you to bed early.”

“But-” Paranoia tries to defend himself, but he gets cut off.

“-Listen to your father, little prince,” Romulus orders, the smile in his voice audible. So far, he’s been watching this all go down from the sidelines, even though he was the one that encouraged Paranoia to explore to begin with, but at least he’s giving verbal support. “Besides, don’t you think it’s rather  _ dangerous  _ to be up so high? One wrong move and you could bust your head right open.”

There’s a pregnant pause, where Paranoia absorbs that bit of information, before he completely loses it. “Ahhhhhh!” Paranoia screeches, beginning to sob like a tortured soul. “I don’t wanna  _ die!” _

“Incredible work, your majesty,” Deceit mutters sarcastically, sighing under his breath at the state his child is now in. “That  _ absolutely  _ helped me and in no way made the situation worse.”

“Oh  _ hush,” _ Romulus chuckles, but nonetheless finally steps in, setting his book aside before standing beside Deceit in front of his wardrobe. He offers Paranoia a warm smile, hoping it will be enough to convince the boy to calm down. “It’s alright, Paranoia, I was only joking around… it’s okay, dearest. Nothing bad will happen to you, so long as Dimitri and I are here to protect you,” He holds up his arms to Paranoia, opening and closing his hands at the kid. “Jump down, little prince, and I’ll be sure to catch you!”

Paranoia hesitates, squirming in place. He exchanges a look with his stuffed spider, as if she’ll have better advice for him. “What should I do, Charlie? Do you think the king can catch me? What if I’m too heavy and I break his spine?”

Deceit resists the urge to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, trying his hand at consoling Paranoia instead. He decides playing along is the best course of action, as he knows his child seems to genuinely believe his plushie is sentient. “Did you hear that, Paranoia? Oh goodness, it sounds like Charlie is telling you to jump to Romulus!” He even uses a fake voice for Charlie, really trying to sell it.

Paranoia scowls at his mentor, unimpressed with Deceit’s attempt at deception. “Charlie doesn’t talk like that.” He points out, as if it’s obvious.

That has Romulus losing his mind laughing, the royal Side hugging his ribs and doubling over in hysterics. “H-He has you there, darling!” He manages to giggle out, still laughing harder than Deceit would like.

Deceit hisses under his breath, scowling up at Paranoia. “Paranoia, enough games; come down here right this instant!” He barely restrains himself from shouting, aware that it would only make the situation worse.

“I promise that I’ll catch you!” Romulus repeats, again standing up straight and offering his arms to Paranoia. “And you needn’t worry about hurting me, my dear boy; I’ve carried you many times before, and I doubt a small fall will do me any harm.”

“Well…” Paranoia glances between Deceit and Romulus, noticing how irritated his mentor has become. “Okay…  _ look out!” _ With that, he leaps off the wardrobe, trying to throw himself down like some sort of house cat.

“OOF!” Romulus grunts when catching Paranoia, but nonetheless holds his ground, smirking down at the small bundle in his arms. “You see, Paranoia? I’m perfectly fine! Wasn’t that  _ fun, _ my little prince?”

“I…  _ guess  _ so,” Paranoia mutters, his expression somewhat grim as he fiddles with his stuffed spider, his heartbeat so fast it’s almost audible. “But I don’t ever wanna do it again!”

Deceit nods in agreement, offering Paranoia a reassuring pat on the head. “Good, because I never want you putting yourself in so much danger again, understand? The wardrobe may  _ seem  _ enticing for you to climb, but myself or the king may not be here to help you down next time, and you could get yourself very hurt.”

Romulus rolls his eyes at Deceit’s melodramatic attitude, not finding his cautiousness all that necessary. “Every child climbs a wardrobe at some point, Dimitri… let the boy experience his childhood,” He then smirks at Paranoia, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Speaking of which, how about we wind down and I read you a story, little prince?”

“Okay,” Paranoia agrees, smiling softly at the thought. He suddenly pauses, however, and looks to Deceit, his expression sheepish. “Um… is that okay with  _ you, _ sir?”

“It’s fine, Paranoia,” Deceit says, mindful of the judgemental look Romulus is giving him; the more adventurous Side must not like it that Paranoia wants to ask permission before doing things. In an attempt to dispel the tension, Deceit meets Romulus’s eyes. “What exactly do you plan on reading him, your majesty?” He feels the need to ask, just in case the king plans on reading something Deceit wouldn’t approve of to the child.

“Just a children’s book that I happen to fancy,” Romulus assures, his evasiveness all to obvious to a Side like Deceit. “Why so curious, darling?” He smiles oh so lovingly at his friend… he definitely wants to read something stupid to the kid.

Deceit scowls at Romulus, tempted to continue the argument. However, he catches Paranoia’s gaze, and notices how exhausted the boy is, as he still hasn’t caught up on sleep yet… not like he’ll be paying much attention to what the king is saying, right? “Nevermind, it’s not important right now,” Deceit gives up on knowing in the end, figuring he’ll be fine giving Romulus control just this once. “Can you watch him for me for a bit? I need to get a book from Logic’s room, and I don’t want Paranoia to be alone for too long; this might take awhile, especially if I run into Logic while I’m there.”

Romulus nods, his expression full of concern. “Of course, of course… something the matter, friend? What do you need from Logic’s room that’s so important?”

Deceit shrugs halfheartedly. “I want to take a look through one of Thomas’s textbooks, but Logic tends to hoard them all in his room… I’ve no doubt he’ll give me hell for it, but I can’t bring myself to care. Just… please watch Paranoia for me, won’t you? I’ll be back shortly.”

“Well… if you’re so sure. Please be safe, darling,” Romulus warns, making a move to kiss Deceit on the cheek, but he hesitates, as if he’s worried Deceit will lash out as a result. In the end, he backs off a step, sparing his friend an uneasy smile. “Come back soon, alright? Your little one won’t like you being gone for very long.”

“It’ll only be a half hour at the most,” Deceit promises, hand already on the doorknob. He knows Romulus tends to give long goodbyes, even when he won’t be gone for very long. It’s cute, sure, but it also makes Deceit somewhat uneasy… that, or Paranoia’s presence is having an effect on him again. “Need anything while I’m out?” He may as well ask, just in case.

Romulus shakes his head, while Paranoia bites his bottom lip, squirming in place. Deceit raises an eyebrow at the small Side, silently encouraging the kid to speak up. “Um… can I have some more apple juice, please? We’re all out,” Paranoia points to the mini-fridge, his eyes full of hope. “If it’s not too much trouble, of course.”

“Good manners, Paranoia,” Deceit praises, ruffling Paranoia’s hair. “And yes, I’ll get you some more juice… just might take me a bit longer to get back,” He exchanges another look with Romulus, feeling embarrassed to be asking so much of him. “You won’t mind, w-”

“-Of course not,” Romulus waves off Deceit’s concern, not the least bit burdened by the chance to spend extra time with the youngest Side. “Trust me, darling, it’s no trouble at all to watch him. Besides,” He gives Paranoia an affectionate wink, earning a giggle from the child. “I'm sure my little prince won't mind spending more time with his favorite king, now will he?”

“I'm going to regret this, aren't I?” Deceit just sighs, shaking his head at Romulus's usual brand of shenanigans. “Please try  _ not  _ to burn the room down while I'm gone… I'll be back shortly.” He leaves as fast as he can, before Romulus can make the goodbye any longer.

The moment Deceit is alone again, he let's out a long sigh of relief, the weight of his companion's presence washing off his back. Don't get him wrong, Deceit adores both Romulus  _ and  _ Paranoia, but there's only so much time he can spend in the company of others before Deceit loses his mind, unaccustomed to his personal space being invaded so regularly. Of course, with Paranoia now staying in his room for the foreseeable future, Deceit knows his days of having time to himself are probably over and done with, at least until the kid is all grown up. So far, things have been going pretty smoothly, the last month having passed rather peacefully, at least when you only take into account Deceit and Paranoia's relationship. As for everyone else… well, Logan still has everyone on the lookout for Paranoia, he and Patton running themselves ragged in an attempt to track down and care for the poor kid that they think is still all by himself. At first, Deceit found it kind of funny, but now it's just sad to watch, especially when Patton occasionally breaks down and cries, terrified that Paranoia is going to get himself hurt without someone there to protect him.

This, of course, is beginning to take it's toll on Thomas as well, the preteen breaking down and crying at least once a week at this point. Deceit does indeed feel guilty- it’s hard not to, especially since he truly  _ does  _ care deeply for Thomas’s well being- but he’s not about to give up what he now has. Although it’s only been a month since he found Paranoia, Deceit absolutely  _ adores  _ having a child to look after, finding the experience incredibly rewarding and uplifting; no wonder Patton wants to be a father so badly. Of course, he isn’t  _ always  _ having the best time- Paranoia has a habit of climbing onto tall surfaces and crying when he can’t get down on his own, which isn’t helped by Romulus encouraging him to climb to begin with- but Deceit knows it’ll all be worth it someday. Eventually, Paranoia will be all grown up, and Deceit will never be overlooked again. With his ward’s assistance, Deceit knows he can scare Thomas into doing anything he wants, and once that’s done, he can finally teach Thomas to be a little less self-sacrificing and a little more self-guarding. After all, that’s exactly what Deceit’s here for; to make Thomas’s life better for him and him alone.

Shaking the thought away, Deceit focuses on continuing on his little journey, making a beeline for Logan’s bedroom. He typically waits until it’s the middle of the night to trespass into other people’s rooms, but he doesn’t want to risk waking up and upsetting Logan, who has been less than agreeable as of late. Deceit understands why this is, of course; Logan is just as stressed about Paranoia as Patton is, if not more so, since he views himself as the mind palace’s unofficial  _ ‘leader’  _ and therefore the palace’s protector. With a fearful and unreasonable Side possibly on the loose, it only makes sense that Logan would be agitated, longing to just get ahold of the little bastard and get him under control before he causes any lasting damage… if only he knew that the situation has already been handled. Again, Deceit tries to dismiss his rapid thoughts, blaming it on his constant exposure to Paranoia; the poor kid’s anxiety tends to rub off on other Sides after awhile, even Romulus when he’s been visiting for too long. With this in mind, Deceit starts booking it for Logan’s room, not wanting to leave his beloved king alone for too long with the troubled child.

Predictably, this leads to Deceit crashing right into another Side as he rounds the corner. He falls backwards, landing on his ass on the floor. While readjusting his bowler hat, Deceit looks up to see who he collided with, finding William on the floor as well. “My apologizes, Procrastination… I didn’t see you there.” Deceit actually isn’t all that sorry, but he’ll fake it for the sake of keeping the peace.

William shrugs halfheartedly, still lying on the floor, too lazy to get up right away. “It’s chill, my dude,” He assures, waving Deceit off. “Weird for you to run in the halls though… what, you runnin’ from Logs or something? You piss him off again?”

Deceit huffs, rolling his eyes at William’s questioning. “Don’t make assumptions,” He orders, tone stern; it’s something he’s been doing a lot lately, now that he has a young kid to look after. “Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m in a hurry, and I don’t have time for your pestering.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Dim,” William says, actually sounding a bit concerned. “Seriously, my man, what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting so freaking  _ weird  _ lately… it’s almost as if you’re hiding something in your room. ‘Course, Rom probably knows all about whatever it is, since he’s your boyfriend and all.”

Deceit blushes right away, beginning to sputter nervously. He’s used to other Sides leaving him be a majority of the time, except maybe Patton and Romulus, so it’s hard for him to deal with questioning from someone other than them, especially when those questions are really hitting the mark. “H-He’s not… how many times must I tell you that I am  _ not  _ in a romantic relationship with the king!?” Deceit glares outright at William, even when half his face is dusty with a crimson blush. “Who says you have the right to question me, Procrastination? Who says that  _ you’re  _ not the one hiding something!? You always have been a quiet one, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were hiding  _ horrific  _ things from the rest of us!”

William simply  _ blinks  _ at Deceit from behind his sunglasses, unimpressed with his fellow Side’s excuses. “You ain’t answering my question, buddy,” He sits up, resting an elbow on his knee as he stares up at Deceit, raising an eyebrow at the dishonest Side. “Come on, my dude, just spill the beans. I already got a feeling I know what’s up, so you may as well just confess your sins or whatever ‘fore I start throwing out guesses.”

Deceit goes for another approach, as he has a feeling he can’t out-stubborn someone like William. “I don’t have time for this,” He says, beginning to storm past the other man. “I swear, you’re lucky I don’t-”

Unfortunately for Deceit, he’s underestimated William’s willingness to bother him, the taller Side catching Deceit by the knee as he walks by, sending him crashing to the floor. Before Deceit can stand up, William rolls onto the other Side’s back, pinning him to the floor with his own weight. “Jesus H Christ, my man… you really  _ are  _ hiding something big from us, aren’t ya?” William acts as if this is a typical Monday for him, his chuckle audible in his tone, but just as quickly as the humor appeared, William suddenly turns deathly serious, something Deceit is unused to, at least when it comes to William. “Okay, I’mma make this easy for ya, so don’t bullshit me, alright? Dad’s been crying his eyes out for weeks over that freaky kid being missing, and it’s honestly bumming me out, so I suggest you come clean, alright? Where the hell is the brat?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deceit lies, squirming with discomfort under William’s weight, even though the other Side isn’t any heavier than he is; to be fair, it’s hard to ignore  _ any  _ weight when it’s concentrated on your upper back. With no way out physically, Deceit devolves into threats, still unwilling to be honest with his fellow Side. “I swear to everything you hold dear, Procrastination, if you don’t let me up, I’ll-  _ AH!”  _ He screeches, a sudden pain flaring up in his right shoulder.

“Wrong answer, snake boy,” William warns, tone still sterner than usual. “Come on, my dude, I hate doing this sorta shit; you know that by now! Just tell me where the kid is, and I promise you, I’ll leave you be, okay? You know I wouldn’t be stepping in unless shit was serious.”

“I don’t-” Again, Deceit tries lying, and again, William twists the lying Side’s arm further up his back, causing an even sharper pain to flare up in Deceit’s shoulder. _ “-Ah!  _ Procrastination, _ please  _ let me up!”

“NO!” William actually dares to  _ shout, _ glaring daggers into Deceit’s back. “I’m sick and tired of you making Patton cry, Dim! Just give me the fucking toddler and I’ll stop!”

“I  _ can’t!”  _ Deceit finally gives in, the pain getting to him; outside of the mind palace, Thomas’s shoulder grows sore out of nowhere, but it’s nothing serious, so he’ll leave it be for the time being, writing it off as growing pains. “Dammit, Procrastination, I  _ can’t  _ give him up!”

“So you  _ do  _ have him?” William asks, pressuring Deceit to give more details.

Deceit squirms a little, hating everything about this situation. “I… I  _ might,”  _ He can’t come  _ completely  _ clean, especially when pressured to do so; he only hopes William won’t give him hell for something he can’t help. “Please, let me up and I’ll explain  _ everything.” _

William hesitates, before rolling off of Deceit’s back and standing up, allowing the other Side back his freedom. Immediately, Deceit sits up on his knees, breathing deeply as he recovers from the awful confrontation. In all honesty, he’s still shocked that William  _ did  _ such a thing, as he’s never expected the Side that represents laziness and general aloofness to be much of a fighter… then again, considering his pension for video games and unexpected grabbing, Deceit probably shouldn’t be  _ too  _ surprised. While Deceit continues to pull himself together, William scowls at him through his sunglasses, still very much agitated by Deceit’s recent behavior, especially now that he knows that Paranoia is in his possession. Deceit is tempted to glare right back at him, but he’s not about to risk another scuffle, so he’ll settle for nursing his bruised ego and shoulder instead, saving his revenge for later. It’s best served cold, after all. Soon enough, Deceit stands back up on his own two feet, dusting himself off rather dramatically to reiterate his distaste for what just happened, if only to try and stick it to his fellow Side one last time. William simply rolls his eyes, not impressed in the slightest.

“God, you are  _ such  _ a drama queen, and we  _ literally  _ have a dude going around calling himself  _ ‘the king’  _ for Christ’s sake,” William huffs again at Deceit, not at all sated after what Deceit can only call a one-sided wrestling match. “Okay, now show me where Junior is.” He gestures towards the way Deceit came, expression expectant behind his shades.

Deceit averts his gaze, uncomfortable with William’s uncharacteristic behavior. “I, um… I need to get something first.” He says, not even really lying this time around.

Not that William knows that, the lazier Side crossing his arms and merely raising an eyebrow at Deceit. “Are you being serious, my dude? You  _ just  _ admitted you have him; just take me to see him already. You trying to sneak out of this?” He steps an inch closer, his demeanor that of a man prepared to fistfight.

Deceit shakes his head a little too frantically, much to his hidden embarrassment. “No, of course not! I only… I need to get more food for him,” He says, still not making direct eye contact with William. “Please, just… let me grab what I need, and I’ll let you see him afterwards.”

William hesitates, still appearing skeptical. In the end, he gives in, giving Deceit a short nod of approval. “Alright,  _ fine,” _ He agrees, tone stricter than it’s ever been in his life. “Grab what you need and meet me by your room, okay? You better not try playing me, Dim; I’m not  _ just  _ Tommy’s procrastination.” With that, he walks away, still glaring at Deceit from over his shoulder, until he finally rounds another corner, disappearing from sight.

Deceit sighs with relief once he’s gone, his heartbeat racing faster than usual; he was half scared that William was going to start swinging at him, but luckily for him, it seems like William doesn’t really  _ want  _ to take things that far… for the moment, at least. Nonetheless, Deceit feels uneasy as he shakes himself off, unsettled by William’s unseen athleticism. It’s not very often that the Sides get physical, most fights being verbal, but there have been a handful of fights in the past, primarily between Romulus and Logan, the two of them quicker to anger than anyone else in the palace, and more than willing to beat the crap out of each other over an argument. That’s not to say that Deceit, Patton, and William have never fought before, but… well, it’s incredibly uncommon for them, and Deceit was hoping it was a thing of the past, left behind in Thomas’s elementary school years. Apparently not, as William has made it clear that he’s willing to rough his fellow Sides up if need be. Deep down, Deceit can’t say he blames him, as he knows himself to be a stubborn man to argue with, especially when things get heated; it’s no wonder William resorted to violence to finally get some information out of Deceit.

Although he in no way enjoyed wrestling with William, Deceit doesn’t let himself dwell on it for long, even when he knows contemplating on it could prepare him, deciding instead to finally make his way towards his destination. He  _ was  _ going to go to Logan’s room first, but he doesn’t want to leave William waiting too long, so he’ll just get Paranoia’s apple juice and run back to his room as fast as possible, before the other Side gets tired of waiting for him and breaks in. Stepping into the living room, Deceit finds Logan and Patton sprawled out on the couch together, with Logan reading an astronomy book while Patton looks to be knitting a sweater. Offhandedly, Deceit wants to chuckle, finding the whole scene sickeningly domestic. As much as William  _ loves  _ to point out and tease Romulus and Deceit’s tight knit relationship, Deceit’s honestly surprised that Patton and Logan’s closeness isn’t made fun of as often, considering how they’re almost never apart. Deceit chalks it up to the two Sides evening each other out, with Patton able to translate obscure emotions while Logan is able to help explain how that emotion is taking place. Shaking his head, Deceit pushes his thoughts aside for later; he needs to hurry.

Crossing through the living room, however, isn’t as easy as Deceit would’ve hoped. “Hey, Dimitri!” Patton greets, not even looking up from his knitting when he addresses Deceit. “How’re you doing, buddy? Dinner is in an hour, so make sure not to eat anything too hearty, okay? Just have a light snack.”

Deceit rolls his eyes at Patton’s fussing, finding it overbearing as all hell, especially since he rarely eats meals with the other Sides. “I’m  _ fine, _ Morality… no need to worry about me.”

For a moment, Deceit thinks that’s the end of it, but just as he steps one of his feet into the kitchen, he sees Logan stand up out of the corner of his eye. “Deceit, before you go, may we please talk? There’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you. It’ll only take a moment, I assure you.” Logan makes it sounds so damn  _ casual, _ but Deceit knows him well enough to understand an order when it’s given.

“Actually,” Deceit acts just as level-headed, if not more so. “The king is waiting on me for something important, so I don’t have a lot of time to chat.”

“It’ll only be a moment,” Logan repeats, something in his eyes suggesting Deceit shut his mouth and listen to him. “I  _ really  _ need to discuss this with you, Dimitri… it’s  _ urgent.” _

“It’s _ urgent?  _ What’s wrong, Logan?” Patton actually looks up from his knitting this time around, eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Does it have to do with Thomas’s math test on Friday?”

“Sure.” Logan doesn’t break eye contact with Deceit when he speaks, and even if he weren’t the Side of Thomas that represents dishonesty, Deceit would easily be able to tell that his fellow Side is lying through his teeth.

Deceit stares right back at Logan, sizing him up. A soreness in his shoulder advises him to stand down, just in case William isn’t the only one looking for a fight. After all, Logan is indeed prone to violence, but only when he’s particularly upset about something. Deceit doesn’t actually believe this to be a very dangerous argument, at least when compared to the ones he’s had in the last month with Romulus concerning Paranoia’s custody, but he would be lying (you know, more than usual) if he said he wasn’t at least a  _ little  _ put off. It’s rare that Logan calls him Dimitri, as he’s caught on that Deceit lied about what his name is by now, so to hear him use it… he wants to have a serious conversation, and he’ll be damned if it doesn’t happen. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Deceit decides to just bite the bullet already; if William throws a fuss over him being late, he’ll just deal with it later. In the meantime, Deceit simply nods at Logan, surrendering as he walks into the kitchen and towards his fate. The other Side looks shocked, based off his expression, but he wastes no time before joining him in the kitchen.

Once they’re alone, Logan finally clues Deceit into what’s going on. “Deceit, I’m going to be as straight to the point as I can be with you, as to keep from any unnecessary verbal distractions on your part; I have reason to believe you are in custody of Paranoia, and I want you to bring him to Patton as soon as possible.”

Okay, Deceit is  _ really  _ regretting agreeing to this conversation. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” He does exactly what he did with William, hopeful that it’ll work better on someone like Logan. “If I had Paranoia, I most certainly would have brought him to you as soon as-”

“-Falsehood,” Logan deadpans, his interruption causing Deceit to shut his mouth midway through speaking. “I know you all too well, Deceit, and I know you’ve been up to something for some time now. Do you honestly believe Romulus is clever enough to keep a secret? He may not have told me directly, but I’ve seen the evidence; you have a young child hidden in your bedroom, and I demand you bring him here immediately.”

Logan’s straightforwardness certainly isn’t appreciated by Deceit, but he still won’t let this change of pace keep him from lying. “Like I  _ just  _ said, I do  _ not  _ have custody of Paranoia by  _ any  _ means. Just like everyone else in this palace, I have been tirelessly searching for him, and have yet to find the boy. By all accounts, it’s been made clear that he’s a  _ very  _ clever child, and may very well have the ability to duck in and out, even at a young age. Have you ever considered the fact that he doesn’t  _ want  _ to be found?  _ Have  _ you?”

Questioning Logan’s logic; it either leads to violence or silence, and at this point, anything is better than arguing back and forth. To Deceit’s thankfulness, it results in the later this time around, Logan going quiet as he averts his eyes, fidgeting in place somewhat. “Of… of  _ course  _ I have,” Logan mutters under his breath, as if he’s afraid he hasn’t. After a moment, he locks eyes with Deceit again, this time appearing almost…  _ desperate.  _ “Deceit, you’re well aware that I am not one for begging, nor am I one for expressing many emotions,  _ however…” _ He glances at where Patton is knitting on the couch, blissfully unaware of the conversation taking place in the kitchen. “Although he is doing an excellent job at hiding it right this moment, Patton is distraught, and there isn’t anything I can do for him. Whether you like it or not, finding Paranoia and giving him to Patton is our best option at the moment; not only will it allow us to monitor Paranoia’s abilities and help him in controlling them, but it will allow Patton to calm down and take care of a child, something he has been longing to do for some time now.  _ Please, _ Dimitri… stop hiding him from us. He needs stability, and that’s something you can’t give him.”

Deceit averts his eyes, his stomach filling with unwanted guilt. He may be self-preservation, and a fair amount of selfishness, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any empathy… he’s not  _ apathetic, _ for Christ’s sake. Deceit knows where his fellow Sides are coming from- he really does- but he can also see what Logan is implying, and he isn’t about to give up what he has. The  _ minute  _ the others get ahold of Paranoia, Deceit will rarely, if ever, be allowed near him again, as Patton and Logan will want to _ ‘raise him right’,  _ which means no dishonesty or lessons in trickery whatsoever. If Logan were a little more emotional or empathetic, he’d understand that he’s accidentally giving away his true intentions, but Deceit sure as hell isn’t about to bring it up, mainly because it’s an easy tell, and no one is foolish enough to tell the card dealer that he dealt wrong when they get a hand full of aces. Sure, everyone else playing is about to be completely screwed, all because Logan wouldn’t know subtly if it slapped him across the face, but Deceit will count his blessings and consider himself lucky for the time being.

Maybe someday he’ll let them meet Paranoia… but today is not that day. He already has one Side forcing his way into his room, he doesn’t need two more.

“I’m sincerely sorry, Logan,” Deceit not only uses Logan’s actual name, but he also throws in an assurance of honesty, making it clear to the other Side that what he’s about to say isn’t worth shit; Deceit needs Logan to understand that he isn’t giving in so easily. “But unfortunately for all involved, I’ve yet to find Paranoia… I suppose you’ll just have to keep looking.”

Logan gives Deceit a glare so cold it could freeze the ocean, but luckily for Deceit, he doesn’t resort to throwing punches. Partially because Patton is so closeby, and partially because he just isn’t angry enough to do so yet. He’s certainly close, that much is obvious, but he can’t bring himself to start swinging yet. “…Very well,” Logan’s voice is leveled, but his eyes say otherwise, full of malice and a desire to see Deceit suffer for this injustice. “The longer Paranoia is missing, the longer Patton- and by extension Thomas- suffers… you claim you’re self-preservation, correct? How about proving it by helping someone other than yourself.” As stone cold as ever, he elbows past Deceit as he heads back into the living room.

Deceit doesn’t watch him go, half scared that enough eye contact will trigger a fight, and really, he’s had enough confrontations for one day. Without another word, Deceit makes it to the fridge, where he pulls out a full crate of juice boxes. As an afterthought, he also grabs a few sleeves of crackers, as well as a fresh jar of peanut butter. He has a feeling that things are about to get heated between him and Logan, and he wants to keep from leaving his room as much as possible until the other Side cools off. Once done, Deceit exits the kitchen, sparing the others a look on his way through the living room. To his shock, Patton and Logan are legitimately cuddling together on the couch, Logan lying on top of Patton with his arms wrapped around the other man’s torso, face pressed against his neck, while Patton is busy running his fingers through Logan’s hair as he tries to talk to him in a hushed, comforting tone. Although Deceit can’t quite make out the words that are being said, he can hear Patton repeatedly asking what’s wrong, so he chooses to leave them be, not wanting to stick around in case Patton finds out what’s going on and wants to argue with him about it.

Soon enough, Deceit’s back to his bedroom, but to his surprise, he finds that William isn’t waiting outside for him like he said he would be. For a moment, he prays that the lazier Side gave up on waiting and went back to his own room, but he knows that his life is  _ never  _ that easy. Not bothering to knock, Deceit opens the door, his shoulders sagging somewhat at the sight laid out before him. Romulus is reading a story to Paranoia as promised, the younger of the two seated on his lap as he reads through a book labeled  _ ‘Cinderella’.  _ In the meantime, splayed out on Deceit’s bed, William looks right at home in someone else’s room, arms behind his head as he idly rests on his occasional friend’s bed. The second Deceit walks through the door, William locks eyes with him through his sunglasses, an all too satisfied little smirk on his face. If Deceit had to guess, he’d say that Romulus probably let William in… that, or the fucker actually went ahead and picked the lock. To Deceit’s relief, Paranoia doesn’t seem too freaked out by William’s presence yet, but he  _ does  _ keep glancing away from Romulus’s book, constantly looking nervously at William, uncomfortable with a stranger being here.

“I see you have all the patience in the _ world,  _ Procrastination,” Deceit comments rather sarcastically, his voice loud enough that everyone in the room will hear him. He shuts and relocks the door behind himself as he walks inside, keeping his eyes on William as he does so, curious as to what he’ll do. “May I ask how you got inside?”

“I have my ways.” William offers up no concrete explanation, happy to make Deceit anxious after all the trouble he’s indirectly caused him in the last month.

“He opened the door with a bobby pin, and the king said he could stay ‘cus he said you were gonna let him in anyways.” Paranoia has no problem with spilling the beans, not truly realizing it was a secret to begin with.

“Little dude, you weren’t _supposed_ to tell him. Come on, kid, you’re being raised by the embodiment of  _ lying; _ you gotta  _ know  _ this stuff,” William, although he’s been found out, doesn’t give Paranoia too much grief, noticeably going easier on the young child, his tone coming off as almost affectionate when speaking to the boy. “What took ya so long, Dim? You said you’d be fast.” He focuses the conversation back onto Deceit, crossing his arms as he waits for a satisfactory explanation.

“There was a…  _ predicament,”  _ Deceit refuses to elaborate, lest William take Logan’s frustration as an excuse to tell him where Paranoia is. “However, I got what I needed,” He steps over to Romulus and Paranoia, crouching down to hand a juice box to his kid. “Here you are, Paranoia.”

“Actually,” Romulus pauses for a moment, averting his eyes. “That’s not… I came up with a name for him while you were gone.”

That completely derails the conversation, both William and Deceit intrigued. “You  _ what?” _ Deceit can’t keep the anger and disappointment out of his voice, giving his friend a harsh scowl. “And  _ why  _ exactly did you decide to name him, your majesty? Why did you not ask me first?”

“Uh oh, looks like Mommy and Daddy are fighting,” William jokes, sneaking Paranoia a small wink. “Look out, kiddo, this is gonna be the rest of your childhood.”

“Hold on,” Deceit holds his hands up, calling for order. “One conversation topic at a time, please… your majesty, you need to explain yourself.” He addresses Romulus first, as he’s more than a little miffed that his child was named without his consultation.

“Well, he’s obviously too young to name himself, and you were taking too long,” Romulus explains nonchalantly, as if this isn’t a very big deal. “I think you’ll find the name I chose for him rather…  _ fitting.” _

Deceit bites down on a sigh, locking eyes with Paranoia, who looks a tad uncomfortable. Deep down, Deceit feels a bit bad for the kid. After all, not only is a strange new Side in his room, but he’s been given a name, and his high empathy has clued him into the fact that his mentor isn’t happy about it. Wanting to take it easy on the child, Deceit crouches in front of Romulus and Paranoia, offering the younger of the two a small smile. “Well, Paranoia… why not tell me your name? Don’t worry, I’m not upset with you, little one. If anyone is going to be in trouble, it will be the king and the jester.”

“Oi!” William shoots up in bed, unabashedly scowling at Deceit. “Did you just call me a  _ jester!? _ Don’t include me in this freaking royalty roleplay you and Rom got going on, alright? Jesus Christ, a  _ jester…  _ if anything, I’m the executioner.”

“Oh please, the only thing you can execute is my will to live,” Deceit pulls no punches, smirking when Paranoia bursts into giggles at the jab. “Oh, you liked that one, Paranoia? Seems the jester isn’t the only one who can crack jokes.”

Once he’s done laughing, Paranoia smiles back at Deceit, at ease after everyone’s joked around enough to chill out. He exchanges a look with Romulus, a tad hesitant again. “Um… your majesty? Is it okay if I tell everyone my name?” Paranoia asks for his permission, strangely enough, as if he’s still scared to get in trouble.

Romulus gives a firm nod. “Of course, my little prince… go ahead; tell Papa your new name.”

Deceit raises an eyebrow at that, unsure how to feel about the title. “Papa? I may be a parental figure to him, but-”

“-Conroy,” Paranoia cuts Deceit off, brilliantly drawing attention away from Romulus’s nickname for Deceit… were the conversation less important, Deceit would probably praise Paranoia for his quickwittedness. “Um… my name is Conroy now, at least the king says so.”

“…Conroy?” Deceit sounds the name out, eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion. He meets Romulus’s gaze, looking for some sort of explanation. “And why exactly did you name him  _ that, _ your highness?”

Romulus continues to smile, not at all put off by Deceit’s confusion. “Conroy, a Gaelic name,” He states, develing into another one of his name origin shpiels. “Irish in origin, much like Thomas, the name meaning wise or red. He’s a clever one, isn’t he? I believe it will suit him well.”

“I am  _ so  _ calling you Connie, kid,” William seems to almost threaten, but he’s grinning all the while. “Conroy, huh? I mean, it ain’t  _ terrible  _ or anything… had me scared you were gonna name him Romulus Jr. or something stupid like that.”

“There’s no need to have anyone sharing names, Will,” Romulus says, rolling his eyes at William’s ridiculous assumption. Finally, he gives Deceit a genuinely worried smile, clearly expecting to be reprimanded. “So… do you like it, darling? I know you probably wanted to name him yourself, but it’s already been a month now, and really, I couldn’t help myself. However, if you don’t like it, we can always change it to something else.”

Deceit stews on this, noticing how defeated Paranoia looks at the sound of another possible name change… does he like the name  _ that much? _ He must, if he looks so depressed at the thought of changing it. “Although I would have preferred something more sophisticated such as Vincent or Richard… I suppose  _ Conroy  _ is suitable,” For good measure, Deceit ruffles Paranoia’s- no,  _ Conroy's  _ now- hair, flashing the child a small, comforting smile. “Do you like your name, Conroy?” He asks, just to be sure.

Conroy grins like a bobcat, practically  _ bouncing  _ on Romulus’s lap. “I  _ love it!”  _ He says, holding up his stuffed spider to Deceit. “Now me and Charlie match!”

“Oh goodness, I didn’t even  _ consider  _ that!” Romulus admits, sounding happy nonetheless at the coincidence. “How wonderful! I’m so happy you like your new name, and I’m even happier that Papa likes it, too!”

“Are we going to address the fact that you’ve called me Papa twice now, or am I just supposed to pretend I didn’t notice?” Deceit doesn’t let it slip by this time, giving Romulus a more curious look than anything else. “And why  _ Papa? _ Why not  _ Dad, _ or even  _ Daddy?” _

“Well,  _ I’m  _ Daddy, of course!” Romulus explains, grinning at Deceit like he’s just won the lottery. “Everyone knows that Papa is stern where Daddy is just a little too soft, and besides, I doubt you’d stand for being called anyone’s daddy without a fight.”

Deceit audibly sighs, shaking his head in disbelief. “The things you come up with… you really  _ are  _ such a  _ ridiculous  _ king,” He mutters, unable to resist the urge to pat Romulus’s head, as he can actually reach the top of his head with the king sitting on the floor. “But you’re _ my  _ king nonetheless… the things I do to please you, your majesty.”

“Awwww,” William sounds out, causing both Romulus and Deceit to jump, the two having forgotten he was here. “You guys are freaking  _ adorable.” _

“Will you cut that out? The joke’s gotten old,” Deceit says, trying to fight down the blush that’s overtaken half his face. “You need new material.”

“An oldie is a goodie,” William states, shrugging nonchalantly at the older Side; at least he isn’t willing to fight with him anymore. “Ya know, I was half scared you’d have the kid chained to the wall or some crap, but… he actually seems pretty okay with you here,” He glances at Conroy, his expression still the slightest bit hesitant. “Just… I dunno, keep being good to the kid? You know that Pa-”

“-Papa will take good care of him? Of course I do,” Deceit doesn’t let William say Patton’s name aloud, as he doesn’t want Conroy to associate normal names with any Sides he doesn’t approve of. Speaking of which… “Conroy, I would like you to meet Procrastination,” He turns his attention back to Conroy, wanting to derail William from continuing to talk about the others. “He may not visit us very often, but he is another Side that I believe is safe enough for you to interact with… you can call him Billy if you’d like.”

“Billy?” Conroy tilts his head at William, still rather uneasy with him being here. “So… you’re a good Side, too? You’re not gonna hurt me like the others will?”

William  _ stares. _ He gives Deceit the most unimpressed look he’s ever seen, his sunglasses hiding the true potential of his glare. “Seriously?” He asks, tone completely deadpan. “Wow, just…  _ wow.” _

“It’s for his protection,” Deceit assures, not letting William’s judgement get to him; if  _ Romulus  _ of all Sides couldn’t change his mind, William sure as hell won’t. “Trust me, he doesn’t need  _ anyone  _ but me… and I suppose Romulus… and now  _ you,”  _ He sighs, feeling a headache coming on. “I swear, Procrastination, if you cause me  _ any  _ trouble-”

“-Easy, Papi, I ain’t here to fight, at least now that I know Junior here ain’t gettin’ beat or anything horrible,” William holds his hands up in mock surrender, trying to dispel the tension in the air. “I don’t really like you-know-who not being able to help, but… hell, I know you can’t keep this up forever, Dim. Sooner or later, they’re gonna find the kid; it’s only a matter of time, so why bother stirring crap up early? I’ll deal with it later.”

Immediately, that has Conroy whimpering. “They’re… they’re gonna  _ find  _ me?” He asks, eyes filling with terrified tears. Within seconds, he’s bawling, overwhelmingly scared of being taken away by Sides that he believes are dangerous.

Deceit swoops in as soon as he sees him start to cry, scooping Conroy up and hugging him to his chest. “Shh shh shh… I won’t let anyone harm you, Conroy,” He promises, sparing William a stern glare. “Don’t you listen to him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

William huffs, but otherwise keeps his mouth shut, knowing he won’t be getting through to the others anytime soon. “…Yeah, alright, my dude,” He mutters, averting his gaze from Deceit as Conroy continues to cry his eyes out, his expression suggesting he feels guilty for upsetting the young child. “Sorry I brought it up… didn’t mean to make the tyke cry.”

“It’s fine, Will,” Romulus assures, unable to keep from flashing Deceit his own disapproving look. “It’s not  _ your fault _ that our little prince is paranoid… a paranoia that only seems to be encouraged by his Papa.”

“Don’t you start, too,” Deceit warns, continuing to coddle Conroy in an attempt to calm the kid down. “There there, Conroy… nothing bad is going to happen to you. How about a nap? You must be so exhausted after his majesty read you a story.”

Conroy nods against Deceit’s neck, offhandedly hugging Charlie just a bit tighter to his chest. “Okay, Papa,” He agrees, voice soft with fatigue. “Goodnight, your majesty. Goodnight, Billy.”

“Night night, junior.” William says, still not meeting the kid’s gaze, his guilty conscience eating at him.

“Goodnight, my little Conroy,” Romulus whispers, standing up and kissing Conroy on the forehead. “I hope you have very pleasant dreams tonight.”

Conroy just nods, continuing to snuggle against Deceit’s neck as he finally calms down. After a few more minutes of being held, Conroy falls asleep in Deceit’s arms, much to everyone’s relief, as no one wants to deal with a sobbing, screaming toddler. With his son out cold, Deceit glares wholeheartedly at William, as he doubts Conroy will wake up anytime soon and sense the tension. “Are you satisfied now?” Deceit asks, still scowling at William.

William shrugs, not at all intimidated by Deceit’s attitude. “I mean,  _ sorta? _ I’m not exactly  _ happy  _ that you’ve brainwashed the kid to think everyone but you is a monster, but hey, I guess it’s better than the brat being beat,” He gets off the bed as he speaks, taking a seat on the floor instead so Deceit can lay Conroy down for his nap. “So, uh… you ever plan on actually telling Logs and Dad about Connie? I meant what I said, about it being pointless to keep hiding him… it’s gonna come out sooner or later; may as well tell everyone before you get called out on keeping this bullshit hidden.”

Deceit takes a minute to respond, too busy tucking Conroy under the covers of his bed. He watches the little boy sleep for a moment, the child already squirming and kicking in his sleep on occasion, knowing no real rest, even when he’s finally allowed to sleep. Deceit let’s out a long, tired sigh, unsure of what to do or say; he  _ knows  _ that William is right. Eventually, either Logan or Patton will get into his room, and they’ll never let Deceit see Conroy again, especially once they see the extent of the dishonest Side’s manipulation. However… Deceit can’t bring himself to really  _ care.  _ No matter what, he’s screwed at this point; Logan and Patton will take Conroy away the  _ minute  _ they find him. All Deceit can do now is enjoy the time he has with his son, and maybe, just  _ maybe, _ he’ll find a way to stay with the kid forever. It probably would be better to just come clean to the others and explain himself to them- at least  _ then  _ he might be able to stay near Conroy- but Deceit is scared that he doesn’t have the capacity to do so. He is a man of manipulation and control, and he will do everything in his power to fulfill his own wants and needs before anyone else’s.

Shaking his head, Deceit slowly meets William’s gaze, feeling unbelievably uneasy. “…If they ever find him, I’ll never see him again. You know this, correct?” He has to ask, if only to confirm that William is aware of what will happen, should Patton and Logan find Conroy. “You don’t  _ understand, _ Procrastination… I  _ can’t  _ lose him.”

William sighs in turn, his expression one of frustration. “Goddammit, dude… you really dug your own grave here, huh?” He averts his gaze, glancing at Conroy, who’s thankfully still unaware of the conversation taking place. “…So what’s your plan, dude? You gonna keep him locked up in here until Tommy drops dead, or panics and gets himself hurt? I may not like moving much, but even  _ I  _ need to walk around and see the palace every day… what you’re putting him through is  _ hell.” _

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Deceit assures, hating this topic more than anything else on earth. “Why does everyone keep treating me like a criminal? I’m not hurting him, am I? If anything, I’m sparing Conroy from the  _ real  _ hell;  _ society.” _

“Here we go again,” Romulus mutters, unable to keep from rolling his eyes at Deceit’s reasoning. “Honestly, love, how much longer do you plan on using this excuse? Society is not a prison, it’s an escape! It’s alive and wonderful and full of potential, potential that you refuse to acknowledge or accept! Society is _ loving,  _ and it will love Conroy just as much as you.”

“Society is  _ constricting!” _ Deceit snaps, daring to glare at his best friend. “Goddammit, how can no one else  _ see it!? _ Society and it’s expectations will destroy Thomas, just like it has destroyed so many other young, brilliant minds! It’s _ torture, _ and I would be a monster to subject my son to it!” He takes a moment to breathe, but if anything, it makes things worse, the snake-like Side feeling tears run down his face out of frustration. “I don’t give a  _ fuck  _ what anyone says, I’m doing what’s best for Paranoia, and I will not allow any of you to take him away from me! You’re both lucky I allowed you to even  _ see  _ him, much less meet him… if you care at all for Conroy, you will allow me to raise him without any sort of complications cause by your ignorance!”

There’s a long silence afterwards, the only sounds coming from Conroy, who tosses and turns several times in his sleep, before rolling onto his right side, going still as he slips out of the nightmare and into what Deceit prays is a better dream. Just to be safe, Romulus comes to kneel at Conroy’s side, double checking to make sure he’s okay. “…We’re safe; he’s still asleep,” Romulus says, careful to keep his voice down. “It would be wise to be quieter from here on out, just in case Conroy isn’t as heavy a sleeper as we would like him to be.”

With Conroy taken care of, William finally responds to Deceit’s blow-up, tone soft so he doesn’t wake the kid up. “Dude… of  _ course  _ we care about the little guy,” There’s an almost begging note to William’s voice, and were Deceit more fond of him, it would probably hurt him to know he’s caused him such extreme distress. “Look, I  _ know  _ you don’t want him to turn out fucked up, but… hiding him away from the world? It’s only going to make his life ten times harder, dude. You can’t… you can’t treat him like a  _ prisoner.” _

“He’s right, my darling,” Romulus joins in, but unlike William, he’s had this argument many times before, so he knows how to talk to Deceit without the other Side closing up due to his victim complex. “I know it’s scary, dearest… but our son isn’t  _ meant  _ to be locked away. You want to do what’s best for him, right? Well, what’s best for him isn’t what you want to do, but it’s what he desperately  _ needs  _ you to do… I’m sorry, love, but you need to give him a family; a family that’s bigger than ours.”

Deceit sits on that for a few minutes, absorbing the information… he can’t deny it any longer; his son can’t be isolated like this. He sure as hell doesn’t  _ want  _ to give in so easily- doesn’t want to let the others win- but… Deceit loves Conroy too much to keep hurting him like this. Oh sure, it hasn’t caught up with them yet, but it will eventually come back to bite Deceit in the ass, and he can’t afford for such a ginormous fallout. Much as he wants to believe Conroy would forgive him for what he’s done, Deceit knows the human psyche all too well to trick himself into believing he’d actually be forgiven. So here he is, with no other options… but how to go about it? Deceit doesn’t want to lose  _ all  _ custody of Conroy, so how can he make it so both he  _ and  _ the others win? Well… he can always make himself look like the good guy. Yes, were Deceit to selflessly hand Conroy over to the others, Patton would most certainly see him as some sort of superhero, and by extension he’d allow him to have as much time with Conroy as he wants. Yes, that… that could work, so long as Deceit does it properly.

Slowly, Deceit glances between William and Romulus, the weights of their stares causing him to shiver. “You’re… you’re right,” He says, not making direct eye contact with either one of his companions. “I can’t hide Paranoia away from them anymore… but if I am to introduce him to them, it will be on my  _ own  _ terms, understand? Give me… give me a week to prepare him, and I’ll give him to Morality without so much as a fuss.”

Both William and Romulus let out sighs of relief at that, satisfied with the thought that they’ve gotten through to Deceit. “Thank  _ God,”  _ William mutters, sounding even more tired than he usually does. “I was scared I’d have to beat the crap outta you again.”

“I’m sorry,  _ what?” _ Romulus raises an eyebrow at William, not understanding the reference.

“Don’t worry about it,” William suggests, waving it off as he focuses his attention back onto Deceit, his body language rigid, as if he’s still ready for a fight. “So… you’re gonna do it? You’re gonna tell everyone about the kid?”

“I’m… I’m figuring it out,” It’s hard for Deceit to commit too verbally, even when he’s already prepared himself for the inevitable; one of the many curses of being a Side that represents manipulation and lies. “Just give me time.”

“You’ll have all the time you need, darling,” Romulus promises, his eyes shining with a pride that has Deceit blushing, unaccustomed to so much approval, even from the king. “If you need me there with you, I’ll be happy to offer my support. What do you plan on telling them?”

Deceit averts his eyes again, palms sweaty with stress. “I’ll figure it out,” He repeats, not liking all of these questions. “Like I said, I’ll need a week to get us both ready… Paranoia will need time to prepare himself for meeting the others.”

“Wouldn’t  _ need  _ that time if you didn’t brainwash him into being scared of them,” William points out. When this earns him glares from both Romulus and Deceit, he doesn’t falter, arms crossed stubbornly across his chest. “What? I only said it ‘cus it’s true; unlike  _ someone  _ in this room, I’m not fucking fake with everyone I know.”

“William!” Romulus snaps, his glare intensifying. “That’s enough of that! Dimitri has finally agreed to allow Conroy peers, you needn’t stir up anymore unnecessary arguing,” He spares Deceit an apologetic look, as if this is somehow his own fault. “I’m so sorry, Dimitri, you-”

“-It’s fine,” Deceit lies, as usual, feeling much more comfortable doing so than when he’s made to speak the truth. “Now then, may I please have some privacy? I’m very tired, and I don’t want to risk waking Conroy early… I want him to have all the rest he can get, before I prepare him for what lies ahead.”

“…Yeah, alright,” William agrees, still fairly unhappy with Deceit. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ go back on your word though, okay? I swear to god, I will beat your ass if you pull anything.”

“William,” Romulus isn’t having anymore of William’s bullshit, not willing to just stand by and take it. He storms up to the other Side, scowling down at him with such disapproval, it has Deceit shivering again. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ threaten him again, understand? You got what you wanted; there’s no need for this nonsense.”

William glares up at Romulus, standing up to glower at him. With them both standing, the height difference is less pronounced, but no matter how straight William stands, he’s still a foot shorter than the king. The two Sides stare each other down a little longer, and for a moment, Deceit’s half scared they’ll break into a fight, but as he sees William glance at Conroy with worried eyes, he knows that the threat of a fight is nonexistent. “…Fine, whatever,” When William finally responds to Romulus’s scolding, his voice is icy cold, reminding Deceit of his earlier argument with Logan. “Keep on defending your boyfriend’s crappy parenting, dude… I’m not gonna let this kid turn out as fucked up as me.” With that, he storms out of the room, thankfully not slamming the door on his way out.

Romulus stares at the door, even after William’s gone. “Goodness… can’t say I’ve ever seen Will get this heated before,” He admits, shocked by the typically lazy Side’s vicious behavior. “At least he didn’t resort to violence, yes?”

Deceit is tempted to point out that Romulus has gotten into more fights than he can count, but he restrains himself, just thankful that someone’s on his side again. “Yes, I suppose I’m lucky he didn’t attack me in the hallway before twisting my arm behind my back… very lucky indeed,” He sighs, shoulder still sore, even when it’s been a bit since he got hurt. “Now, as much as I adore your company, I really  _ do  _ need to rest, your majesty… I have a lot to think about in the coming week.” Yeah, he’s kicking Romulus out of his room, but at least he  _ tries  _ to be nice about it.

Romulus appears hesitant, but in the end, he doesn’t try to argue about it. “Again, take all the time you need, darling… I know this is hard for you, but trust me, you’re doing the right thing,” Again, he appears tentative as he moves towards the door, but as no one else is around to see… fast as lightning, the king presses his lips to Deceit’s own, breaking the kiss before his fellow Side can react. “Be well, love.” And just like that, Romulus is off, running out of the room before Deceit can stop him.

Deceit stands there for a few minutes, placing one of his hands over his mouth, trying to savor the kiss forever. Although he’s never said it aloud- and he probably never will- Deceit’s always wanted to do that… perhaps doing the  _ ‘right thing’ _ isn’t so bad after all, if it means he can expect more kisses from his favorite person as a reward.

* * *

“Um… Papa?” Conroy asks, his shoulders shaking harder than they have in quite some time. He won’t look directly at Deceit, too scared to make eye contact right now, for fear that it will trigger him to breakdown and cry… _ again. _ It’s been a long week. “Why do I have to meet the bad Sides again?” His voice is trembling, as if he’s too afraid to even  _ ask. _

Deceit bites down on a sigh, not liking the situation anymore than Conroy, but he knows that there’s no getting around this… not with William and Romulus on his case. “Because, my dear son… you need to be around more people than just myself, Procrastination, and the king.”

“But I like all of you  _ better!” _ Conroy whines, clutching his stuffie for dear life, as if Charlie will come alive and protect him if he wishes hard enough. “And the other Sides are evil, just like you always say! Please don’t make me go, Papa, I don’t wanna die!” Soon enough, he begins sobbing out of fear, unable to hold it in anymore.

Deceit let’s the sigh out this time, quickly scooping Conroy up and hugging the small Side to his chest. “Calm down, my little Conroy… I don’t like it either, but it must be done. Unfortunately, I do not believe I can hide you as effectively as I would have hoped, and we can’t have them finding you by their own accord… but don’t fret, sweetheart, because Papa has a plan.”

“You  _ do?” _ Conroy brightens up just a little at that, stifling his crying long enough to look up at his mentor with eyes full of hope. “What is it?”

“It’s very simple, really. However, it will require a great deal of manipulation on both our parts if we want it to work…” Deceit paces as he speaks, Conroy in tow, as movement helps him mull over his ideas better; it’s a habit he thinks he picked up from the king. “I’m going to dress you up in something very cute, so that Morality and Logic won’t think to be suspicious of you; if you’re cute, they won’t think you’re a threat. Then, I will wait for Morality to be emotionally vulnerable, which is when I will bring you to him as if I have just found you… it will make me look quite heroic in his eyes, and by extension will allow me to be around you more often. However, you must act like an innocent, obedient child for Morality… he may not look it, but he’s quite manipulative and controlling, and he will try to fool you into believing he has your best interests at heart; you must fool him into thinking you’ve fallen for his trap, and act like a good boy for him. In the meantime, I will sneak as much time with you as I can, but you must be strong when I can’t be by your side. I know it’s a lot, and you must be  _ very  _ scared, but I know you can do this, Conroy… you’ve gotten better at lying since I took you in, and I know you’re ready.”

At the start of Deceit’s explanation, Conroy looks more than a little terrified, but by the end of it he seems to calm down, nodding along as Deceit finishes telling him the plan. “So I just… act like I do for you, Papa?”

Deceit nods, smirking at how fast Conroy is catching on. “Yes, exactly like you do for me, son… save of course for taking the lessons to heart,” He chuckles offhandedly, ruffling Conroy’s mop of fuzzy hair. “It will be hard, especially when you’re first introduced to Morality, but you needn’t worry; he may be a master manipulator, but he’s fooled himself into believing he’s a good person, so I doubt he’ll actually beat you or anything of that nature. Now, onto Logic,” He sits Conroy down for this one, setting him down on his bed. “Logic is also quite manipulative and antagonistic-” Conroy raises his hand suddenly. “-Antagonistic means a person who is acting up in an attempt to start some sort of fight or confrontation,” Conroy puts his hand back down, much to Deceit’s silent amusement. “As I was saying, Logic is  _ very  _ controlling, much like Morality, but he’s much more direct with his behavior… he will be strict towards you, and possibly even verbally abusive, and for that I’m sorry, but we have no other choice.”

Conroy averts his gaze, exchanging a look with his stuffed spider. “So… do I gotta give up my name then? ‘Cus they’ll think I’m only Paranoia.”

_ Good question.  _ “You might, but we’ll see… if it’s brought up, the king and I shall try to suggest your preferred name, but we may be overlooked, especially with how tyrannical Logic and Morality tend to act. Even if you aren’t given your preferred name, I shall still call you Conroy when we are alone, or around the king and Procrastination. This all must be so exhausting for you to take in, son, but… I swear to you, I will do everything I possibly can to make this transition as easy as I can.” Deceit, again, tries to be reassuring, aware that this all must be taking a great toll on Conroy.

Conroy gives another nod, before swallowing around a lump in his throat. “O-Okay, Papa. I… I think I’m ready,” He says, looking into his father’s eyes again, his irises filled with a determination like no other. “I might be scared, but… I gotta protect you, so I’ll pretend to be brave until it’s not pretending anymore.”

“There’s my good boy,” Deceit praises, kneeling down to be at Conroy’s level when he hugs him, mindful to rub the kid’s back as he does so, if only so he can provide more comfort. “Don’t you worry, Conroy, I know we’ll be alright… we have the king and Procrastination on our side, and even if everything goes wrong, they’ll help to protect us.”

Deceit holds the hug awhile longer, before finally backing off. He looks Conroy over for a moment, contemplating on what he should have the kid wear. Creating outfits isn’t really his specialty, as he usually relies on Romulus for help, but it’s not like he doesn’t have the power to make clothes… he just prefers a helping hand when it comes to the theme and style. After another few seconds, Deceit snaps his fingers, smirking as he realizes  _ exactly  _ what he oughta have Conroy wear. Patton loves cats, right? What’s cuter than cats? Why, a small child in a cat onesie of course! With a clap of his hands, Deceit changes Conroy’s oversized hoodie and boxers into a pair of dark purple cat pajamas, complete with the paws, ears, and tail. Even if cutesy things aren’t really his cup of tea, Deceit can’t help but smile fondly at Conroy, the boy looking absolutely  _ adorable  _ in his new outfit. Now all that has to be done is to hide the kid in a convenient spot, so that way Deceit can pull him out at  _ exactly  _ the right moment to surprise Patton… if all goes according to plan, this will be Deceit’s greatest lie yet (other than having Thomas pretend to be straight, of course; that’s very hard to beat).

His boy dressed and prepared for what lies ahead, Deceit very carefully opens his bedroom door, giving the hallway a quick once-over. No one seems to be out and about, at least not at the moment. Thomas should be walking home from school right now, so Deceit has a small window of opportunity to run and stash Conroy somewhere while the others are all distracted, too busy chit-chatting with each other to be roaming the palace. Nonetheless, Deceit moves as if he’s a spy character in one of William’s video games, mindful not to make much noise, lest he attract unwanted attention to himself. Thankfully for him, Conroy stays just as quiet, if not quieter, even holding his breath when they round corners, as if this will somehow turn him invisible. Eventually, Deceit finds the perfect closet, it being incredibly close to the palace’s largest living room, which Deceit knows everyone tends to hang out in whenever they get the chance. While the coast is still clear, Deceit opens the closet, relieved that no one’s put anything too cumbersome inside since he last checked on it. Careful not to drop him, Deceit puts Conroy inside the closet, setting him on the highest shelf.

“Are you going to be okay until I can come get you? It might be awhile.” Deceit doesn’t bother spinning the truth, not seeing a point in it. Which is, for once, enough to stop him from lying.

Conroy gives a small nod, curling into a ball. “I’ll be okay, Papa… be super safe, okay? Don’t let them get you.” He sounds almost authoritative, as if ordering Deceit to be safe will make it more likely to work.

Deceit nods in turn, resisting the urge to chuckle at how brave Conroy is trying to act. “Don’t worry about me, Conroy, I’ll be perfectly fine. Remember to stay out of sight until I come get you, understand? Don’t even come out for the king.”

Conroy nods, prompting Deceit to close the closet door for him. Just in time too, as William rounds the corner from down the hall, raising an eyebrow when he sees Deceit messing with the closet door. Thankfully, William doesn’t comment, simply shrugging before he walks past Deceit on his way to the living room. His child hidden, Deceit follows William, his entire body tense in preparation for what will happen soon. Every worst case scenario keeps running through his head, making Deceit feel unbelievably uncomfortable, afraid that something will go wrong and he or his child will get hurt as a result. Deep down, he knows these to be nothing more than paranoid delusions- an unfortunate side effect of staying around Conroy so often- that will go away with time, but that doesn’t really help in the present situation. Entering the living room, Deceit is relieved that only the king and William are here, both sitting on the couch to relax. Romulus is flipping through a fashion magazine, occasionally telling William about different articles he’s reading, while William fiddles with the N64, trying to pick out a game to play.

“Okay, honest to god question, Rom,” William pauses his search to look over his shoulder at Romulus, holding up two game cartridges for him to look at. “Should I play GoldenEye or Banjo-Kazooie?”

“Hm,” Romulus offers William a raised eyebrow, looking up from his magazine to glance at the games. “Banjo-Kazooie; that game is so much more colorful and cheerful!”

“GoldenEye it is,” William says, popping the game into the system, ignoring the glare he’s now receiving from Romulus. “Thanks for the help, Rom!”

“Why did you even… nevermind. I swear, I’ll never understand you, Will,” Romulus mutters, his eyes soon landing on Deceit, who he smiles warmly at. “Ah, good afternoon, Dimitri! How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” Deceit lies, avoiding eye contact as he plops down next to Romulus, not wanting the more regal side to see how uncomfortable he is.

Romulus chuckles outright, shaking his head at Deceit. “You’re  _ fine?  _ I sincerely doubt it, if you were willing to say as much,” He smiles at the other Side, his fondness obvious and on full display. “What’s wrong, my darling? Is you-know-who stressing you out again? I keep telling you to let me watch him more often, lest you have a panic attack.”

Deceit rolls his eyes, still not looking directly at his friend. “That’s not… that’s not the  _ problem, _ really,” He mutters, his tongue feeling too heavy in his mouth. “I’m… I’m doing it today. The…  _ reveal.” _

“Holy shit,” William, as usual, doesn’t really try to refrain from cussing, his expression even with his sunglasses on one of shock. “You’re really doing this? You’re giving Dad the kid?”

“Well, you two haven’t really given me a  _ choice, _ now have you?” Deceit can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice, still angry that it’s come to this.

“Oh,  _ sweetheart,” _ Romulus is gentle, daring to lay a hand softly on Deceit’s cheek, turning his face to look him in the eyes. “You know we don’t mean any harm… we only bothered you because we want what’s best for both you  _ and  _ Conroy. You’re a wonderful father, darling, but that boy can’t be isolated like you want him to be… this will be good for him, I promise.”

Deceit doesn’t answer verbally, preferring to just lean on Romulus, feeling beyond exhausted. Thankfully, no one gives him any grief for it, the outcasts of the Sides enjoying each other’s silent company as William plays his video game and Romulus continues reading his magazine. They might not all strictly be  _ outcasts-  _ after all, it’s hard for people to not like Romulus- but Deceit certainly isn’t going to turn his friend away right now, more desperate than he thought for physical and emotional affection. After awhile of playing, William pauses his game to jump up and grab snacks, as dinner won’t be for another few hours, and let’s be honest, even if dinner  _ was  _ going to be soon, William wouldn’t hesitate to grab himself a bite to eat before then. Wordlessly, William gets some drinks for Deceit and Romulus as well, those being a Capri-Sun and Coca-Cola respectively. Deceit pulls a face when he gets thrown the childish drink, but otherwise doesn’t fuss, figuring it won’t do him any harm, so he just drinks what he has, ignoring the little smirk Romulus is giving him from out of the corner of his eye.

Just as Deceit finishes off the juice pouch, Logan and Patton finally come into the living room, the later of the two looking much worse for wear. Although Logan appears as stoic and neutral as he usually does, Patton is a  _ wreck _ , dried up tear tracks running down his face and heavy bags beneath his eyes. The minute everyone sees the state Patton is in, they politely look away, wanting to respect the other man’s privacy. Well,  _ William  _ and  _ Romulus  _ look away… Deceit keeps a quiet eye on the typically happy-go-lucky Side, mindful of his troubled state. He’s  _ definitely  _ close to a breakdown, but given a good push, Deceit’s pretty sure he can get the other Side to break… and then, finally, he can bring out Conroy. Logan sits Patton down on the couch right away, his hands on Patton’s shoulders as he steadies the other man, doing what he knows will help. Once Patton is finally sitting down, Logan hurries to the kitchen- ignoring the empty coke can William throws at him when he goes in front of the TV- to grab a drink for his friend, returning a moment later with a glass of water. He wordlessly hands it to Patton, who takes it with shaky hands.

“Th-Thank you, Logan,” Patton murmurs, the tremble in his voice hinting even more at his emotional turmoil. “I can always count on you for support.”

“It’s no trouble.” Logan promises, taking a seat beside his friend. Almost tentatively, he rests a hand in-between Patton’s shoulder blades, trying his hardest to sooth him.

After a few minutes of Patton delicately sipping at his water, Deceit gives up on being quiet, needing to say something before Patton completely calms down. “So, how goes the search for Paranoia? Any luck?”

Well, _that_ does it.

Just like that, Patton is wailing at the top of his lungs, using his hands to try and muffle his sobs, but it’s no use. “O-Oh  _ God!”  _ Patton bellows out, hardly able to breathe it’s so overwhelming. “W-We can’t-”

“-Easy, Patton,” Logan urges, voice surprisingly gentle as he rubs Patton’s back in perfect circles. Offhandedly, he scowls at Deceit, making his irritation known. “That was an unnecessary question, Deceit.”

“Do you ever even  _ think  _ before you fucking speak, my dude?” William inquires, not really sensing the irony in that question. “Seriously, dude, what the  _ hell  _ was that?”

“I was only curious, that’s all,” Deceit fibs, ignoring the unhappy looks he’s getting from pretty much everyone but Patton, who’s still too busy crying to emote anything but sadness. “But I do apologize, Morality… it was not my intention to make you cry,” He stands, making for the hallway. “If you all need me, I’ll be searching for this troublesome child myself.”

Even with everyone glaring at him, Deceit doesn’t let it weigh on him too heavily, aware that what he’s about to do will get him in everyone’s good graces, one way or another. Patton will be overjoyed to finally have Conroy as his baby, and will shower Deceit in praise for  _ ‘finding’  _ the child for him. Logan will probably be suspicious, but he won’t be able to argue with genuinely good results, as his most beloved friend will finally be at peace. Romulus will get off his back about… well, everything concerning Conroy, which means Deceit can finally not argue with his best friend every day. William… hopefully he’ll stop being so freaking annoying, as his antics have really increased since he learned about Conroy, but now that the child’s custody will be shared, he’ll have no reason to continue misbehaving. With all of this in mind, Deceit returns to the closet he hid Conroy in earlier, opening the door after double checking that no one followed him. For a moment, he’s half scared that Conroy was either found or left, as he doesn’t see him right away, but at the sound of the closet door opening, Conroy shyly peers out of his hiding spot, brightening when he sees that it’s Deceit.

“Papa!” Conroy greets, grinning at his father figure. “Is everything ready?”

“Keep your voice down,” Deceit warns, flinching at the loud sound. After a second, he offers Conroy a somewhat apologetic look. “My apologizes for acting strict… can’t have you altering anyone of your presence too early,” He holds up his hands to Conroy, much like the king has done so many times for the young child. “Come down, little one; it’s showtime.”

Conroy nods, then carefully jumps down to Deceit, letting out a squeak when Deceit catches him funny, nearly dropping him in the process. “That was a close one,” Conroy points out, not at all pleased with Deceit’s lack of physical prowess. “I like it better when the king catches me.”

Deceit does his best not to be hurt by that. “Just remember not to call anyone by their names, understand? Morality and Logic can’t know that you’re acquainted with anyone,” He adjusts his hold on Conroy, until he’s more or less sitting the kid on his hip, much like a mother would. “You can’t even call me Papa, or the king Daddy… it would only cause trouble.”

“Okay,” Conroy agrees, his expression somewhat concerned. “But, um, before we go… I love you, Papa. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

Deceit smiles at that, feeling a wetness in his eyes. “I love you too, son… we’ll get through this. Together.”

All of the puzzle pieces in place, Deceit makes his way back to the living room. All the while, his chest is tied up in anxious knots, his mind buzzing with fear for what lies ahead. Realistically, he knows everything will go well, as he’s gone through this scenario several times in his mind over the last week, but he can’t keep from feeling at least a  _ little  _ anxious, afraid that something might go wrong. Even so, he can’t let it stop him, Deceit pausing just outside of the living room, positioning Conroy so that no one will be able to see him from inside. Carefully, he peeks into the living room, observing the scene in front of him before he changes things so drastically. Patton is still a mess, his bawling dissolving to hiccups and sobs, his tears seeing no end as he cries into his cardigan. Logan and Romulus are on either side of him, Logan offering verbal encouragement and reassurance while Romulus does the same, but physically, as he’s taken up rubbing Patton’s back and running his fingers through his hair. William has turned off his game entirely, but isn’t doing much, appearing awkward as he sits off to the side.

“Patton?” Just to make things more emotional, Deceit calls Patton by his name, only continuing to speak when the other Side looks his way, the others following suit. “So sorry to bother you again, but…” He steps fully into the living room, holding Conroy out to Patton in an almost questioning manner. “Is  _ this  _ the boy you’ve been looking for?”

The gasp that Patton let’s out… the entire room goes silent, everyone staring wide-eyed at the dressed up little boy. Logan looks just plain  _ confused, _ still trying to process that the kid that’s been unknowingly giving him hell for the last month is just…  _ here.  _ William is trying not to smirk, both pleased by Patton’s reaction and trying his hardest not to laugh at Conroy’s childish outfit. Romulus is in much the same state, smirking outright at Conroy and Deceit, daring to even give Deceit a subtle wink to assure him that he’s in on the lie (of course he fucking is, why did he even feel the need to wink? Such an odd man). And finally, Patton looks more overjoyed than Deceit’s ever seen him, as if the last month full of breakdowns, panic attacks, and drama never happened. Slowly, as if he’s afraid to, Patton holds his hands out to take Conroy, exchanging a nervous look with Deceit, his expression suggesting he’s scared the dishonest Side won’t let him have Conroy. Deep down, Deceit indeed doesn’t want to hand his son over, especially with Conroy looking so scared in his arms, but… there’s no going back now, especially with Conroy finally revealed to everyone in the mind palace.

Very gently, Deceit hands Conroy to Patton, ignoring his son’s terrified expression. “Careful, he’s very skittish,” He warns, not taking his hands off of Conroy until Patton has the boy sitting on his lap, and even then he let’s go very reluctantly, something he hopes no one notices. “You probably won’t believe me, but I just so happened to find him asleep in a closet; poor boy must’ve fallen asleep in there for a nap,” He easily comes up with a story for how he found Conroy, figuring it’ll be believable. “So… are you feeling any better, Patton?”

“Of  _ course  _ I am!” Patton says, grinning with such adoration up at Deceit, his arms wrapping around Conroy, who’s forced himself to wear a fake smile on his face, if only for Patton’s happiness. “Oh, Dimitri, thank you  _ so  _ much! I don’t know how I’ll ever return the favor,” He turns his attention back onto Conroy, who he smiles at with the most affectionate look Deceit’s ever seen on another person’s face. “Hello there, kiddo! Where’ve you been all this time? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“That’s what I want to know as well,” Logan chimes in, giving Deceit a skeptical side-eye, not really buying this whole act as much as Patton is. “How is it that you found Paranoia with no trouble at all? And how has he been able to hide from us for this long if it was  _ this  _ easy to catch him? This all seems very suspicious, Deceit.”

Before Deceit can pull anything else out of his ass, Conroy takes the spotlight again, making a big show out of clinging onto Patton’s shirt and burying his face in the fabric, much like he does to the king’s cloak when he’s tired. “I love you.” Conroy says, using a purposefully high-pitched voice in an attempt to sound cute and younger than he is.

“Awwwww!” Patton coos, hugging Conroy right back. “I love you too, kiddo! Oh, I’m so happy to finally have you with us! We’ve all wanted to meet you so  _ badly,  _ I was worried we never would! And just  _ look  _ at your little pajamas, you look so gosh darn cute!”

All while Patton is still freaking out about Conroy like he’s a newborn baby delivered fresh from the stork, Logan exchanges a look with Deceit that more or less reads as  _ ‘mark my words, I’m not about to ignore how unlikely it is that you found this kid right when we needed him.’  _ Even so, Deceit refuses to glare back at Logan, answering his scowl with a lighthearted little smirk, as if he’s simply a lucky guy who just so happened to find Paranoia without any effort. Logan’s eyes widen at this, shocked by how shameless Deceit is acting towards him, before he looks away, focusing his eyes on Conroy again. Conroy’s begun to fuss a little in Patton’s arms, not at all used to this sort of fussing over, but he  _ does  _ make a truly valiant effort to stay still for Patton, continuing to shyly smile and cling onto the older Side’s shirt. Catching onto how uncomfortable Conroy is, Deceit is filled with the urge to pick his son up and run back with him to his room, not wanting this torture to continue, but there’s nothing he can really  _ do, _ as Patton sure as hell isn’t giving up his new baby now that he has one. All at once, Deceit feels as if he’s made the worst decision of his entire life.

After several more minutes of over the top affection, Patton finally calms down from his happy high, pulling back to look Conroy over with a warm smile. “Gosh… you really  _ are  _ just as precious as I thought you’d be,” Patton says, ruffling Conroy’s hair. “But I really gotta know, kiddo… where have you  _ been  _ all this time? Don’t you know that everyone’s been worried sick about you?”

Conroy develops a deer in the headlights look on his face, frozen in place. After a few seconds, he straightens a little, much like Deceit himself does when he’s about to spit out some convoluted lie, and gives an explanation. “Well… I was  _ scared,” _ Conroy explains, not looking directly into Patton’s eyes as he speaks, which helps his case, making him appear even more skittish than he already is. “All of you are so big and loud and strong… I was afraid I’d get hurt, or that something bad would happen to Thomas if I came out, ‘cus I make him feel all bad.”

Heartbreaking, partially true, and believable; Deceit has never been more proud of his son, impressed by his capacity to lie. Right away, Patton looks teary eyed, obviously guilt ridden to hear why Conroy’s supposedly hidden himself away. “Aw, you poor little anxious  _ baby!” _ He cries, cuddling Conroy against his chest. “No one here would ever hurt you! Not  _ ever! _ And don’t you worry, sweetheart, Thomas isn’t going to be hurt just ‘cus you’re anxious! You’re such a good boy, you could never do  _ anything  _ wrong!”

Conroy appears shocked by what Patton is saying, flashing Deceit a confused look, which Deceit pointedly doesn’t respond to, just in case anyone is watching too closely. Once Patton is done with another round of coddling, Logan finally gets to cut in again, this time thankfully not addressing the strangeness of the situation; he’ll deal with that later. “As happy as I am to finally have Paranoia with us… we need to discuss his name,” Logan gets right down to business, wanting to move Conroy’s endocturnation along as quickly as possible. “I understand that it’s tradition to name ourselves, but as Paranoia is younger than any Side has ever been- at least compared to Thomas- it seems only fitting that we name him ourselves. Now, it may take several rounds of deliberation, but I’m certain that with enough effort, we can-”

“-I wanna be called Conroy.” Conroy says, interrupting Logan before he can get going with any ideas.

This is met with confusion, at least from Logan and Patton. “…Conroy?” Patton repeats, sounding somewhat skeptical. “Where did that name come from, kiddo? Say, isn’t that one of the names I suggested for Dimitri a few years back?” He looks up at Deceit, expecting him to have the answer. “How did he come up with his name?”

Deceit and Romulus exchange a look, both incredibly anxious to answer, but thankfully for them, Conroy is more than ready this time around. “I, um… I found it in a notebook in your room,” Conroy answers, eyeing one of Patton’s notebooks on the couch, connecting the dots that he probably has a few of them. “I always, uh, kinda thought you seemed nice, but I was still really scared until P- Mr. Deceit found me… I wanted you to like me, if we ever met, so I wanted a name I thought you would like. Do you, um… do you like it?”

Boy, if Deceit thought Patton looked happy  _ before…  _ as the information sinks in, Patton begins crying all over again, but this time he’s doing it out of joy. He hugs Conroy rather tightly, but not so tight that he’ll risk injuring the small Side. “Conroy… I  _ love  _ your name! Oh, kiddo, I love you so  _ much!  _ I promise you, from this day forward, I’ll love you and protect you from everything that’s scary; even creepy spiders!”

“But I like-” Conroy pauses, realizing that admitting his love for arachnids might make him less desirable, and he can’t risk losing Patton’s affection. Biting back a sigh, the little boy simply rests his head against Patton’s chest, his fatigue catching up with him once again. Soon enough, he’s fast asleep, leaving Patton to coo and fuss over the sleeping child.

In the meantime, Deceit feels relieved, glad that nothing went wrong in Conroy’s reveal. Not only did Logan fail to question the boy’s sudden appearance very effectively, but Conroy gets to keep his name, which just makes everything better for the kid in this situation. Sure, Patton’s definitely overwhelming Conroy with his abundance of affection, but he’ll certainly ease up as the days pass and Conroy becomes more adjusted to living with the other Sides. Offhandedly, Deceit shares a look with Romulus, finally giving him a wink back, which gets a small chuckle from the regal Side, who shuts up when Logan looks his way, confused by the sudden laughter. This reminds Deceit, unfortunately, of what he must still deal with; no matter what happens, Logan is going to stay suspicious of Deceit finding Conroy first until he learns the truth, which will hopefully be never, if Deceit has anything to say about it. It’s going to be incredibly hard, yes, but Deceit has faith that everything will work out just fine… after all, if Conroy’s reveal could go  _ this  _ smoothly, certainly that means everything that follows will go perfectly as well, right?

One of these days, Deceit’s going to learn the harsh lesson that you should never, under any circumstances, test fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, what the fuck have I gotten myself into? I don’t know, but y’all will suffer me until I figure it out. Like I mentioned in the last chapter, I don’t really have a concrete updating schedule for this, seeing as I have another major project I’m working on right now, but I still hope to update fairly soon, as I really love this fic and what I plan to do with it. Please comment if you enjoyed this, and feel free to ask questions; I’d love to talk to people about this fic!


	3. Figuring it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit is struggling to cope with more or less handing custody of Paranoia over to Patton and Logan, and if that weren't enough, it seems as though William is hiding something from everyone, and Deceit is intent on finding out what it is. In the meantime, Romulus is still a shameless flirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I write more of this fic, I realize more and more that I’m writing all of the Sides in such a way that it could constitute me tagging them as unsympathetic on Tumblr, but… I DO still sympathize with everyone in this fic, even when they fuck up and do bad things. I dunno, I guess I’m just saying that I’m not always a fan of the unsympathetic tags, but I can definitely see most everyone in this story acting in a morally grey way, at least early on, but never completely out of malice. Please enjoy, I hope y’all will like this chapter!

The rest of the day goes smoothly enough, though Deceit certainly isn’t happy about not having full access to Conroy, as Patton fusses over the child at all times, hardly giving anyone else room to hold or talk to the small child. Thankfully for Deceit, Patton keeps Conroy in the common room for the rest of the day, never taking him back to his own room, but that doesn’t actually make him feel that much better, every hug and kiss from Patton to Conroy feeling like slaps across the face, constant reminders that Deceit isn’t the sole parent anymore. To be fair, Romulus has been a parent to Conroy too, but not on the same level that the more dishonest Side has been… no one will ever have what Conroy and him had, and Deceit will be damned if anyone tries. Other than those small things continuing to irritate Deceit, the rest of the day is actually pretty nice, with everyone having dinner together for the first time in a long while, no tears or fruitless scavenger hunts to get in the way of their meal. After dinner, Patton plays with Conroy in the living room, mostly making pretend games using toy blocks and cars.

“Vroom vroom!” Patton yells, nudging a plastic car against Conroy’s stack of blocks, causing the tower to give an unsteady shake. “Look out, Connie! Daddy’s car is outta control, and it’s gonna push your block tower down! If only a hero would save us, before it’s too late!”

“Okay,” Conroy doesn’t seem all that fazed by Patton’s attempts to play with him, continuing to build his block tower. When it’s inevitably sent crashing down a moment later, the boy bites his lower lip, silently unhappy with this, but he dares not scold Patton, for fear of upsetting him. “Uh oh… it fell over.” He mutters halfheartedly, beginning to gather up all of the blocks. Conroy glances at the grandfather clock, and seeing how close it is to his bedtime, he begins putting the blocks back into the box Romulus summoned them in earlier.

“Aw, Daddy’s sorry for knocking your tower down, kiddo,” Patton says, ruffling Conroy’s hair. He pauses, however, when he realizes that the boy’s cleaning up after himself. “What a tidy lil’ guy you are! So good, picking up all your toys!” He praises, clapping his hands to congratulate the small Side. “You gonna be a janitor someday, Connie? I bet you’d be the bestest janitor  _ ever!” _

Conroy gives Patton a confused stare, obviously unsettled by the question. “Um… thank you?” He offers, fidgeting in place as he averts his gaze, continuing to put the blocks away. “Don’t wanna make a mess, ya know?”

Patton just  _ beams, _ overjoyed by everything the boy says or does. “Such a well mannered young man! Why, I bet-” As he’s about to say something else, the grandfather clock let’s out a loud chime, causing Conroy to jump in surprise. “Oh, look at the time! It’s about time for everybody to get on off to bed!” The fatherly Side observes, giving everyone in the room an expectant look.

“Boooooo,” William sounds out, not the least bit interested in turning off his game, which he’s been playing for about… six hours, including the half hour break he had earlier for dinner; now that’s some serious dedication. “Screw that, Dad; I’m  _ way  _ too into this right now! Tell ya what, I’ll hit the hay when the power goes out, okay?”

“Now,  _ Billy,”  _ Patton playfully puts his hands on his hips, tone joking, but still a tad stern. “We don’t want to set a bad example for Conroy, do we? We gotta be good role models and get to bed at a reasonable time, which means turning off our games and brushing our teeth, then it’s straight to bed.” He makes a move to approach the television, intent on shutting the N64 off.

“Put one freaking finger near my console and I end your life early tonight, old man.” William warns, glaring at the older Side through his sunglasses.

“Just leave him be, Patton,” Logan suggests, not even looking up from his textbook; he’s been reading for as long as William’s been gaming, not as interested in playing with the new addition to the family, at least not while Patton is still gushing about finally having a little one. “Besides, when have arguments with William ever gone in our favor? Best to let a sleeping bear lie, unless of course he plans on keeping Thomas awake as well,” He spares William a side-eyed glare, practically  _ daring  _ the lazy Side to test him. “That, of course, would  _ not  _ be tolerated.”

_ “Chillax, _ Einstein. It’s just gonna be me gaming tonight, I promise,” William explains, as he has no real intention of making Thomas lose sleep, especially on a school night; Logan would never let him hear the end of it if he did so. “Ya see, Dad? No harm, no foul… the only one who’s gonna be losing any sleep tonight is gonna be me.” He turns his attention back to Patton, giving him his best puppy dog eyes… which unfortunately isn’t very effective, considering the fact that his sunglasses are in the way.

Patton opens his mouth, ready to tell William off for being negligent about his health, but he’s cut off by Conroy suddenly clinging to his legs, the child letting out a loud, overdramatic yawn. “Oh,  _ Conroy…  _ is my little buddy  _ sleepy?” _ Patton asks, scooping up the kid and forgetting about the argument he’d been having with William entirely, too distracted by his child to worry about it.

“Yeah,” Conroy mumbles, making a show out of clutching Patton’s shirt and yawning again. _ “Really _ sleepy… but can Billy play a lil’ longer? Listenin’ to big brother play games helps me sleep better.”

_ “Clever little boy, using whatever he has in his arsenal to assist his allies… just like his father.” _ Deceit thinks to himself, watching this entire thing play out from across the room, where he’d previously been having a chat with Romulus, but they both gave up on that once the clock went off.

William smirks at Conroy’s acting, flashing the boy a thumbs up when Patton isn’t looking. “Oughta listen to the tyke, Dad! Besides, I’ll keep the volume down  _ real low, _ I promise.” He probably won’t, but he’ll say anything to get Patton off his back.

“Well… if it helps my little guy sleep, I don’t see the harm,” Patton says, finally giving in. He then holds Conroy up in front of himself, grinning at the young boy. “Now let’s get you ready for bed, kitten!”

“Um, Morality? If I may?” Deceit steps in, holding out his hands to the other Side. “How about  _ I  _ put Conroy to bed tonight? You must be  _ so  _ exhausted after spending so many hours playing with the little one… let me help you out.”

“But… I’m alright,” Patton assures, glancing nervously between Deceit and Conroy, not sure what to do. “Really, I-”

“-I’ve got it,” Deceit finishes, swiftly snatching Conroy out of Patton’s grasp, resisting the urge to smirk victoriously at the saddened look on his roommate’s face. “Just get some rest, friend… no need to fret; your son will still be here in the morning.”

“Yes, there’s no need to worry, Patton,” From the couch, Logan gives Deceit a spiteful glare, still not buying into this whole charade. “Conroy will be  _ exactly  _ where he’s supposed to be tomorrow, won’t he, Deceit?” Logan’s tone is harsh, leaving no room for arguing.

“He will be; I’ll be sure to check on him a few times, just to make sure the poor dear hasn’t wandered off by himself,” Romulus offers, stepping in-between Deceit and Logan. “Now, shouldn’t we be letting our dearest Dimitri get the little prince to bed? It’s already so late, staying awake can’t be healthy for him.” He tries giving Deceit an easy way out, acting almost like a guard dog in the way he’s standing by the other Side.

William looks ready to point out the flirtatious nickname, but for once he keeps his big mouth shut, not ready to get into anymore trouble tonight. “Um… okay then,” Patton eventually agrees, breaking the silence. He gives Conroy a weary smile, waving goodbye to the child. “Goodnight, Conroy… sleep tight, okay? Daddy will be there for you first thing tomorrow morning so we can spend the  _ whole  _ day together!”

Conroy goes pale, but hides it by pressing his face against Deceit’s shoulder, coming off as just overly shy as he waves back at Patton, his voice coming out muffled by Deceit’s shirt being in the way. “Night night, Patton… I love you.”

Patton makes a small frown, clearly having wanted to hear Conroy call him  _ ‘Daddy’  _ or something of that nature, but before he can say anything, he yawns, his sleepiness catching up with him. “Oh gosh, guess I really  _ am  _ tired, huh? Whelp, goodnight gang! See you in the morning!” He says, before making his way back to his room, eyelids drooping with fatigue.

“Patton, don’t walk with your eyes… forget it, I know you’re not listening,” Logan mutters, rolling his eyes as he shuts his book and sets it aside, jumping up to go after his friend. “Goodnight, everyone; I’ll make sure Patton doesn’t trip over something on his way to bed…  _ again.” _

The others watch him go, William giggling like a gradeschooler once the more logical Side is out of earshot. “And so, the fragile nerd returns to his natural habitat; his boyfriend’s bed.”

“Will you ever stop with those idiotic jokes made to tease our close relationships, or will you remain bitter for the rest of your life?” Romulus asks, giving the other Side a harsh glare.

“Jesus H, just come for my whole ass life, why don’t ya?” William laughs regardless, smirking when Romulus just continues to glower at him. “Aw, what’s wrong, your highness? Mad ‘cus I don’t need to have a boyfriend to feel validated?”

“Can we keep fighting for the rest of the night? It’s  _ definitely  _ helping the boy sleep,” Deceit mutters, rolling his eyes at their bickering. He bounces Conroy in his arms to hold him better on his hip, secretly relieved that Patton and Logan are finally gone, so he can finally hug his kid without getting told not to. “Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I need to make sure my son doesn’t end up anymore sleep deprived than he already is.”

“Sleep well, my darling,” Romulus says, smiling so very lovingly at Deceit, it nearly has the shorter Side blushing. “And you too, my little prince… are you excited to fight dragons and witches in your dreams tonight?”

“No, but I’m excited to sleep.” Conroy deadpans, rubbing fitfully at his eyes, his exhaustion really taking a toll on him.

“HA!” William cackles, slapping his knee at Conroy’s bluntness. “That’s my lil’ bro!”

“Be quiet,” Deceit orders, half scared Patton or Logan will come back to check on them if his friends get too loud. “Goodnight to both of you; try not to make anymore unnecessary noise.”

“Whatever, man… night, my dude and smaller dude.” William says, going right back to focusing on his video game. To Deceit’s immense gratitude, he actually  _ does  _ end up turning the volume down, just as he promised.

Deceit simply nods, quickly striding out of the living room, Conroy still held in his arms; he knows that if he doesn’t go now, Romulus and William will keep talking with him until dawn, and he can’t have his son losing too much sleep, especially when he’s in such a stressful situation. The minute they’re out of sight, Deceit let’s out a long, weathered sigh, relieved to finally be getting back to his room, where he can keep an eye on and spend time with Conroy just like he always has. Except… following the corridor, Deceit is more than a little perplexed when he sees a door that wasn’t there this morning, resting right next to William’s room. The door is the same dark oak that’s used for every Side’s bedroom, and based off of the lack of a nameplate… Deceit gulps, well aware of what this means. Really, it only makes sense that Conroy has his own room now, considering the fact that every Side has finally met him face to face, which is what always leads to a Side getting their own room. Still, Deceit can’t say he’s very excited, as this just means he’ll have even  _ less  _ alone time with Conroy than he thought he’d have.

Conroy perks up a little when he sees the door, making grabby hands at the doorknob. “Papa… I think this is  _ my  _ room,” He says, voice filled with a confidence Deceit was fairly certain his son didn’t have. “Can we please go inside? Pretty please? I… I really wanna see what’s inside.” It’s only natural that he’d want to go through the door, as any Side’s room draws them in, giving them something that makes them feel safe and protected in their own space.

Even so, Deceit’s tempted to tell Conroy no, and reaffirm that his room is the only bedroom Conroy needs, but he knows that his child will grow with time, and pretty soon sharing a bed with him will be a lot more weird than it already is. “I…  _ suppose  _ we may, yes.” Eventually, Deceit swallows his pride and allows Conroy this small freedom, figuring it’s better to be with him for this rather than let Patton introduce the boy to his new room later.

Conroy grins outright, biting back a giggle as Deceit sets him down, allowing him to walk up to the door and open it, as a Side’s bedroom door can’t be opened for the first time by anyone but the room’s owner. As the door swings open, Deceit feels his jaw go slack, shocked by the bedroom’s interior design choices. The room is painted dark purple on all the walls, and the purple tinted light on the ceiling certainly doesn’t make it much brighter, giving the whole place a very eerie and unpleasant atmosphere, at least in Deceit’s opinion. Conroy, on the other hand, looks overjoyed by his new accommodations, laughing unabashedly as he runs into the room, making a beeline for his new bed. The room’s sparsely furnished, but Deceit remembers his own room being pretty barren when he first got it, so he isn’t bothered by this; at least the kid’s bed looks nice. Unlike Deceit’s bed, Conroy’s is better suited for a child his size, being much smaller and lower to the floor, making it so Conroy doesn’t need any help getting in. His stuffed spider is also already here, much to Deceit’s surprise, but this just proves how important Charlie is to his son.

Conroy giggles as he plops onto his bed, fawning over the softness of his new sheets and blankets, immediately burying his face in the nearest pillow. “Mm… I  _ love it!” _ Conroy cheers, purposefully muffling his voice with the pillow to keep from being too loud. He soon sets it aside, shooting Deceit the most heartwarming smile he can manage. “This is so _ nice,  _ Papa… did you make this place for me, now that the others have ta know ‘bout me?”

_ “Well, if you’re going to assume that, who am I to stop you?”  _ Deceit thinks to himself, biting his bottom lip to keep from smirking in front of his ward. “Why…  _ yes,  _ Conroy, I  _ did  _ make this room for you. You’re a big boy now, and you deserve your own space… besides, you did such a good job today, I wanted to give you a nice,  _ big  _ reward.”

“I  _ did? _ I thought I wasn’t very good at lyin’,” Conroy admits, averting his eyes as he begins to fumble with Charlie, allowing himself to emote again now that he’s alone with someone he views as safe. “He just… he just wants to hold me  _ all the time, _ and I don’t like it, but I know I can’t say no, ‘cus that could get us in trouble, right?”

Deceit nods, though he actually  _ does  _ feel bad for putting Conroy in this position. “I know it’s hard, Conroy, but it’s true; we can’t afford to tell them no, even when we’re uncomfortable around them,” Unfortunately for Conroy, his father is still too selfish to give up on this game, continuing to let him believe that the Sides that he doesn’t approve of are out to get him. “Don’t worry, son, this nightmare won’t last forever… soon enough, Morality will get over his obsessive behavior, and you’ll be allowed to have your space again. You just have to be strong for me until then, alright? You need to be big and brave, just like the king.”

“Just like the king,” Conroy parrots, giving a weary smile at the mentioning of his other father figure. He then yawns, tuckered out. “I’m so  _ tired,  _ Papa… wanna sleep.” He mumbles, barely paying his father much mind as he lies down on his new bed, beginning to nod off.

“You’ve had a long day, my little one… rest, so that you’ll have more strength for tomorrow,” Deceit says, pulling one of the many blankets nearby over his child, but not before snapping his fingers to change Conroy’s ridiculous cat outfit into a simple nightshirt, if only so the kid won’t be overheating when he’s trying to sleep. “Goodnight, Conroy… I’ll be here in the morning to wake you, okay? I’ll make sure you have some time to breathe and prepare yourself before Morality begins dragging you about for the day.”

“Thank you, Papa. Goodnight… I love you,” Conroy whispers, still smiling at the older Side. He suddenly pauses, something in his head keeping him from falling asleep just yet. “But, um… I  _ mean it _ that time, Papa; I really  _ do  _ love you, and only you, ‘cus Patton’s bad… I also love Daddy and Billy, but not as much as  _ you,  _ Papa.”

Deceit smiles fondly at that, eyes growing a bit wetter than he’d like. “Thank you, Conroy… that means so much to me,” He says, voice full of an honesty he didn’t think he had, but hey, apparently they’re  _ both  _ full of surprises tonight. “Goodnight, son. Sweet dreams.” With that, he shuts off the bedside lamp- which is shaped like a black cat, much to his amusement- in order to shroud the room in pitch black darkness.

At first, Deceit’s afraid that Conroy might start screaming with fear at the sudden lack of light, but the boy seems to almost grow…  _ calmer, _ as if he’s comforted by the darkness around him, something in this room putting his restless mind at ease. Deceit waits a bit longer, watching Conroy to make sure he’ll be okay, but when the boy continues to sleep peacefully, clutching his beloved stuffed spider, he forces himself to his feet. Carefully, Deceit walks to the door, feeling uncomfortable at the thought of leaving his boy all alone for the night… is this how Thomas’s parents felt when he slept in a big kid bed for the first time? It’s likely, as Deceit imagines that’s the only event he can draw similarities to, and he hardly even  _ remembers  _ that far back! With a long sigh, the clever Side pauses in the doorway, watching Conroy from the other side of the room… nope, still asleep, and if he’s lucky, he’ll stay asleep through the night. Deceit suddenly falters, that thought making him concerned; did Conroy’s insomnia issues come from not sleeping in his own room? Will his insomnia go away now that he has his own bed? Deceit hopes so, if only for Conroy’s sake.

After one last minute spent watching over his child, Deceit finally leaves the room… but he leaves the door cracked open, just in case his son wakes up and needs to come looking for him.

* * *

Sometime around noon, Deceit finally rouses, letting out a long, painful groan as he comes to, uncomfortable the moment he opens his eyes. The dishonest Side huffs under his breath, swinging an arm out, searching for something just out of reach. “Son, will you check the time for Papa?” He asks, his other hand rubbing at his face. When no one answers him, Deceit falters, deeply unnerved by the silence.  _ “Conroy? _ Son, where are you? Are you already-” He sits up, looks around, and suddenly, he remembers what happened yesterday.

Deceit sighs, shaking his head as he rubs at his eyes, cursing himself for being so forgetful; Conroy has his own room now, and he just needs to accept that. Besides, it’s not like any  _ harm  _ can come from the kid having his own space, right?  _ Wait…  _ “What time is it?” Deceit asks himself, fumbling for his alarm clock, nearly dropping it in his haste. His eyes widen to the size of saucers when he sees the time. “FUCK!” He shouts, running for the door.

As Deceit swings the door open, it hits Logan square in the face, knocking him to the floor. Not that Deceit pays him any mind, not even realizing what happened as he pauses in the doorway, panting like an overheated dog as he tries to catch his breath and calm down. Moments later, William rounds the corner, eyes widening when he sees the scene in front of him. “Um… morning, dude,” William greets, eyes where they shouldn’t be as he looks Deceit over, an amused smirk overtaking his face. “There a reason you ain’t wearing pants, my guy? Gonna be wild and free today? I’m sure Rom will get a kick out of it.”

Deceit pauses, glancing down at his nether-regions. He  _ balks,  _ face flushed red as he quickly snaps his fingers, producing a pair of dress pants from thin air. He steps into them in a rush, avoiding eye contact with William as the lazier Side simply laughs, walking past Deceit while shaking his head in amusement. Once William’s gone, Deceit huffs, tempted to run after him and give him a piece of his mind, but just as he moves to go towards Conroy’s room, he’s grabbed by the ankle. All too soon for Deceit’s tastes, considering the fact that this exact same thing happened to him just a little over a week ago, he gets surprised by yet another Side on the floor as Logan trips him, sending the shorter Side plummeting towards the floor. Unfortunately for Logan, he grabbed Deceit on accident, as he’d just been trying to grab his glasses while half blind, which results in the lying Side tumbling right on top of him. Not having anticipated this, Logan let’s out a loud shout when Deceit falls onto his back, going face first to the ground under his weight, his knees giving out on him. In the meantime, Deceit growls unkindly at Logan, which turns into a groan as his early morning soreness makes the fall hurt even more than it should. After a minute of recovering, Deceit sits up, biting back his desire to curse Logan out for the mishap.

“Good morning, Logic,” Deceit says through gritted teeth, sparing the lankier Side an irritated glare. “Are you participating in some type of experiment where you purposefully let yourself be hit by doors? I’m not really sorry to tell you this, but that’s not going to make you any smarter.”

“Aren’t you a joyful one today,” Logan mutters, glaring right back at his roommate as he finally locates his glasses, quick to put them back on, but not before rubbing away any smudges with his shirt. “Have you ever considered knocking before you open doors, Deceit? It would be beneficial, considering how many Sides live in the mind palace.”

“That wastes time, and I doubt anyone here can keep up such a mindless habit,” Deceit points out, standing up and dusting himself off a little too hastily, as he’s worried Logan will pin him like William did when they had this sort of confrontation. “Maybe  _ you  _ should consider looking where you’re  _ going,  _ hm? How about  _ that,  _ Logic?”

Logan huffs, rolling his eyes at Deceit, but to the more dishonest Side’s surprise, he doesn’t continue their argument. “Breakfast will be ready soon… Patton asked me to come tell you that,” He explains, before averting his gaze, as if he’s ashamed of himself or, more accurately, something that’s on his mind. “Listen, Deceit… I know that Paranoia’s sudden appearance can’t be a coincidence, especially when  _ you’re  _ involved. I don’t know why you’ve decided to finally let Patton meet him, but…” Again, he’s hesitant, but after a few seconds, Logan gives Deceit an awkward pat on the shoulder. “Thank you… for being kind to Patton,” He eventually says what he wants to say, still not sure how to show appreciation towards his typically antagonistic roommate. “I’m sorry if the environment we created made you think that Patton was incapable of caring for Conroy, but rest assured that I will do everything in my power to prove you wrong; we can be good role models for Conroy, especially Patton.”

Deceit processes that for a few seconds, not sure how to feel about any of this. If he were to be honest- which he rarely is- he would admit that he expected Logan to eventually corner him somewhere and chew him out, or even beat the crap out of him for his transgressions, but to be thanked for helping out? Deceit never could have seen this coming, considering his tense relationship with Logan. Deep down, he actually  _ likes  _ Logan- likes how clever he is, likes his contributions to arguments, likes when he references famous philosophers, likes his ability to look at problems from an intellectual point of view- but he can’t ever get past Logan’s annoying loyalty to Patton, who Deceit can hardly stand. To be entirely fair, he has a similar relationship with the king, even if he’s far more willing that Logan to betray his best friend’s trust, so he can’t act like he’s much better. Nonetheless, Deceit doubts he and Logan will get any better than this moment right here, considering the lying Side’s habit of causing trouble, which means Logan will be on his case again soon enough… at least, for a few short minutes, they can put their differences aside and appreciate each other’s company.

When Deceit only continues to get stared at awkwardly by Logan, he snaps out of it, realizing that he oughta say something in return. “I… thank you, Logic. I appreciate the sentiment, but I only did what was right. After all, I am indeed self-preservation, so it’s only natural that I do what’s best for our dear Thomas.”

Logan pulls a face, something in what Deceit said making him uncomfortable, but at least he doesn’t draw attention to it. “… _ Right,” _ He sounds out, eyeing Deceit a tad suspiciously. “Like I said, breakfast is ready; Patton and I would be very happy if you joined us for another meal together, if you’re willing to of course.”

Deceit’s tempted to turn him down, but as he opens his mouth to do so, he recalls why he came running out of his room in the first place, the panic returning, however it’s much more manageable this time around. “I might take you up on that, however… would you happen to know where Conroy is? I just want to be sure the little one is adjusting well to his new surroundings, seeing as he’s not used to being around other Sides.”

Logan bites down on what’s obviously a sigh, Deceit’s concern for the new kid enough evidence to perpetuate his theory. “Yes, Patton has him at the moment, as would be expected… I believe he’s had him since he went to wake him up this morning.”

“Really now? Seems like Morality has gotten rather attached to the boy, hasn’t he? I’d best see if he needs any assistance; with the child, of course.” Deceit says, more nervous than he’d like as he quickly takes off down the hall, not giving Logan any time to respond.

As he bolts for the living room and kitchen area, Deceit feels like complete and utter garbage, his conscience scolding him for his actions; he assured Conroy that he’d be there first thing in the morning- swore he’d give the boy some time to prepare himself- and it kills him to know he let his son down. Will Conroy be okay? Will he be mad at him? Deceit isn’t sure. He figures Patton would never hurt the boy, not truly, but Conroy’s such a sensitive and quiet kid, all of this attention and coddling can’t be very good for him. Careful to make sure he doesn’t run inside and cause a scene, Deceit slows his roll just as he reaches the living room, giving his surroundings a quick once-over before proceeding any further. William isn’t on the couch playing video games like he usually is, much to Deceit’s initial concern, but all of that worry dissipates when he sees the arrogant Side sitting at the kitchen table, busying himself with a handheld game instead. Patton is also in the kitchen, cooking food for everyone like he usually does, but now he has Conroy with him, balancing the child on his hip as he goes about preparing breakfast, occasionally letting Conroy taste-test what he’s making.

Although the kid doesn’t  _ seem  _ too bothered at a glance, Deceit can sense the slight tension in the air, Conroy’s discomfort all too obvious to his father. Every so often, the boy gives a slight wiggle, not at all appreciating Patton’s instance on keeping him so close by, but the older Side refuses to set him down, as he wants his newfound kid in his arms as much as physically possible. Careful to hold his tongue and not immediately snatch his son out of Patton’s arms, Deceit paces into the kitchen, giving William a slight nod when they meet each other’s eyes. At first, Conroy and Patton don’t notice him, too focused on breakfast, so Deceit takes the time to further assess the scene. Conroy’s no longer in the nightshirt he was put in last night, likely redressed this morning by Patton himself, which is apparent based off of his outfit. Today, Conroy’s wearing dark blue overalls with a purple puppy sewn on the front, a light blue sweater, and white and purple striped socks. It’s not a  _ bad  _ outfit, especially compared to what William sometimes wears, but it’s definitely not something  _ Deceit  _ would make his son wear.

Suddenly, Deceit is snapped out of his daze by Conroy glancing his way, the child’s eyes widening when he sees him. “Pa-” He stops himself, a hand covering his mouth when he realizes what he was about to call the older Side. When Patton glances down to see what’s going on, Conroy’s quick to correct himself. “Um…  _ Patton,”  _ He says, changing who he’s addressing to cover up the misstep. “Dee Dee’s here.”

Patton stops what he’s doing to look over at Deceit, brightening when he sees that Conroy’s right. “Good morning, Dimitri!” He greets, tone more cheerful than it’s been in several weeks. “Did Logan tell you we’re going to have breakfast soon? I know you don’t usually like having meals with everyone, but with our new addition, I thought it’d be nice to try having more meals as a family!”

Deceit’s tempted to say and do a lot of things- tempted to call Patton a fake ass dictator with no respect for personal space, tempted to call everyone but Conroy an idiot, tempted to take his son right out of Patton’s greedy hands, tempted to kick the table over- but he puts a lid on it, knowing it would only worsen his situation. Instead, Deceit pastes on a dishonest smile, trying to appear more cheerful for Patton. “Yes, that sounds…  _ lovely, _ Morality.” He says, lying through his teeth with more bitterness than usual, his hands itching to hit something; he sits down at the table to keep from acting on the impulse.

“Doesn’t it? I want our special little man to be surrounded by the most loving, perfect family we can make for him!” Patton explains, taking a moment to kiss Conroy on the cheek, which gets the kid to squirm in discomfort. In the process of doing this, Patton nearly drops the spatula he’s holding. “Whoopsie-doodle!” He calls out, catching it right before it can hit the floor. “Goodness, that was a close one!”

Deceit sees his chance and takes it. “Say, how about  _ I  _ hold Paranoia for you? You seem to have your arms full, and I can’t imagine it’s easy to navigate the kitchen while carrying a child.” Out of worry for his son, he tries talking Patton into putting Conroy down, if only to give the kid some much needed space; he could give less of a shit about Patton being overworked.

“It’s alright, Dee; I’m good,” Patton assures, going right back to cooking breakfast, still balancing Conroy on his hip. “Besides, little Connie here  _ loves  _ being carried by Daddy, doesn’t he?” He smiles at the child, his expression full of warmth and affection for the small boy.

“Y-Yeah,” Conroy agrees, remembering what Deceit told him last night… of all the times for him to obey Deceit’s orders, this has got to be one of the more annoying moments, even if the kid’s only trying to follow directions. “I… I  _ love  _ gettin’ hugs from you.” To prove this, he wraps his arms around Patton’s neck, wanting to reassure the older Side that he’s not lying.

Patton grins, giggling at the gesture.  _ “See,  _ Dee? We’re doing just fine, but I really do appreciate the offer! You know how you  _ can  _ help? You could set the table for me, if you wouldn’t mind of course!”

Biting down on a growl, Deceit glares at Patton, not afraid to since the other Side isn’t looking his way. “… _ Sure.” _ He all but sneers, getting out of his seat a little too forcefully.

It’s while Deceit is very aggressively setting the table, and William is trying not to laugh at the look on the older man’s face, that Romulus finally arrives. Deceit looks up the minute he catches the king’s scent- the more pompous Side tends to wear a lot of perfume, his favorite scents being fresh pine and vanilla- trying his hardest not to appear desperate for his best friend’s assistance. Romulus pauses his stride in the doorway to the kitchen, assessing the scene with an appraiser's eye, his own irises full of concern and slight confusion. After a minute of observing, Romulus seems to get the picture, the royal Side sending Deceit a sympathetic smile before taking a seat at the kitchen table, careful to make sure there’s an empty spot beside him for his friend. Deceit simply nods in return, too busy taking his anger out on the silverware and plates as he sets them out, slamming them just a little too hard onto the table. No one comments, mostly because Patton’s too distracted and everyone else is too conscious of Deceit’s plight to give him any lip for his bad behavior.

Once finished, Deceit sits down with a loud sigh beside the king, his anger only continuing to bubble and stew in his gut. “I’m  _ done.” _ He mutters, just loud enough for Patton to hear him.

“Thank you, Dimitri! I’ll be done in a few minutes; you guys can just sit and relax until I’m finished cooking.” Patton offers, not even looking up to see how Deceit did with the table, confident that the lying Side did his job well.

There’s a moment of silence, where the outcasts of Thomas’s Sides all exchange nervous looks, unsure of what to say or do. It’s painfully obvious that they all want to discuss Conroy’s current conundrum with each other, but with Patton and said child in the room, that’s made impossible, leaving the lot of them uncomfortable and clammy. William darts his eyes around the room from behind his signature sunglasses, looking ready to say something at any moment, but he keeps holding back on it, letting the words rest on the tip of his tongue. Romulus is much the same, the king anxious as he fidgets incessantly in place, unhappy with sitting down when he’s  _ this  _ uncomfortable. Both to help himself and his friend, Deceit grabs hold of one of Romulus’s hands underneath the table, exchanging a small smile with the king when he glances his way. William doesn’t bat an eye, not willing to tease and pester when he knows that no one is in the mood for it. After a few more minutes of this awful tension refusing to dissipate, Logan finally returns to the kitchen for breakfast, taking his usual spot between where William and Patton usually sit, mindful to put his textbook on a nearby counter so it can’t get damaged.

“Rather quiet today, aren’t you?” Logan comments, addressing pretty much everyone at the table.

“I was up  _ way  _ too late, my guy,” William lies, coming up with some bullshit to keep Logan from getting into Deceit’s business, which the lying Side deeply appreciates. “Give me a few minutes and I’m sure I’ll be driving you up the wall in no time flat.”

Logan let’s out a frustrated sigh, rolling his eyes at William’s usual sass. “Then I’ll enjoy the peace while it lasts,” He mutters, all while summoning up a copy of the morning newspaper; he probably convinced Thomas to glance at it long enough that he could read it later, plus it’s a nice alternative to his book, which he doesn’t want to risk spilling something on. “Do you need any assistance over there, Patton?” Even if he wants to just read, Logan still offers Patton his help, if only to be courteous.

Patton shakes his head, grinning as he turns off the stove’s burner. “Nope! In fact, I’m all done!” He sets down a frying pan full of scrambled eggs and bacon on the table, making sure that there's a heating pad in place before he sets it down. “Everyone, breakfast is _ served!”  _ He announces, all while finally sitting Conroy back down, only to set him into a brand new highchair.

Noticing this, Deceit grimaces. “Morality, I believe that Conroy is a tad too  _ old  _ to be sitting in a highchair,” He warns, making a move to stand up. “Here, I’ll summon up another chair for him.”

“Oh, he’s so tiny, he’ll probably fall out of a big boy chair!” Patton explains, quick to kiss Conroy’s forehead once the boy is strapped into his new chair. “We don’t want our little one to fall and hurt himself, now do we?”

“Dimitri has a point, Patton; this seems a tad unnecessary,” Romulus joins in on the argument, subtly giving the hand Deceit is holding a gentle squeeze, silently reassuring his partner in crime that they’re on the same side. “If you’re really so worried, why not sit him on someone’s lap?”

“I-It’s okay, your highness… I don’t mind,” Conroy mumbles, averting his eyes in shame; it’s obvious he hates his new seat, but he’s not about to risk an argument over it, especially when he’s still afraid of Patton and Logan. “Really, it’s okay… I wanna make Patton happy.”

Patton actually falters this time around, eyebrows knit with concern. “Kiddo, it’s okay to tell me if you’re unhappy,” He promises, all while thankfully unstrapping Conroy from the highchair, ready to scoop him up again. “Here, you can sit on my lap if you want.”

Conroy’s eyes dilate with anxiety, the boy beginning to squirm in resistance.  _ “N-No!  _ I mean… really, sir, it’s okay! I like the highchair, really! I don’t wanna f-force you to hold me all day!”

“Here, Patton,” Logan finally steps in, his expression just as concerned as everyone else’s. “Let  _ me  _ take care of this.”

For a moment, Deceit’s terrified, not sure what Logan will do. Besides of course Romulus- and William, when he’s in the mood- Logan is easily the most prone to physically fighting another Side over a disagreement, and Deceit can’t help but fear for his son’s safety. Some part of him knows that the logical Side would never hurt Conroy- Logan himself has brought up how corporal punishment and other physical disciplines are detrimental to a child’s development, and violence should never, under any circumstances, be used when dealing with adolescents- but Deceit can’t convince himself to  _ completely  _ dismiss the fear. Patton obediently backs off of Conroy, giving Logan room to do whatever he intends to do in order to calm the child down, the kid now silently crying from the stress of it all, but at least he’s not outright bawling. With a gentleness Deceit didn’t know the intelligent Side possessed, Logan carefully picks Conroy up from his highchair, taking a seat back in his own chair soon after, the paranoid child sat on his knee. Still being as gentle as possible, Logan pulls Conroy to lean his head against his chest, one of his hands running it’s fingers through the little boy’s scruffy hair.

“Shh… you’re alright, Conroy,” Logan’s voice is so  _ soft  _ when he speaks, it makes Deceit feel like he stepped into an alternate dimension where everyone is the opposite of who they usually are. However, considering the fact that he’s not currently kissing Romulus like he’s never resisted the urge to do so before, Deceit is forced to accept that this isn’t the case. “I know that everything is very hard to deal with at the moment, but rest assured that we will all help you as much as possible through this transition… there there, it’s alright.”

“Whoa, Logs,” William says, giving his fellow Side a surprised look. “When the hell you learn how to do  _ that?  _ You read a kiddy psychology book or something?”

“Hardly. Physical affection and verbal comfort are two of the most successful forms of reassurance, especially when dealing with very young adolescents; I am simply doing what must be done in order to calm Paranoia down from a potential panic attack,” Logan explains, switching from petting Conroy’s hair to rubbing his back in comforting circles. “Given enough of this, I believe Conroy will be feeling better within the next thirty minutes.”

“Thank  _ goodness,” _ Patton let’s out a sigh of relief, coming to crouch beside Logan’s chair. “Lookit you, being such a good dad to our little man… I’m so proud of you, Logan!”

Logan blushes a light scarlet, averting his gaze to keep from embarrassing himself. “Um… thank you, Patton.” He mumbles, not sure what to say to such praise.

Deceit all but rolls his eyes at the scene in front of him, but he knows better than to start anything right now. Besides, he secretly admires how well Logan is comforting Conroy, even if it  _ does  _ risk idolizing the logical Side in the child’s eyes. Much as Deceit wishes he could do all of this himself, he counts himself lucky that, at the very least, the Sides he’s trusting his son’s life with aren’t  _ completely  _ incompetent when it comes to child care… but their priorities for Thomas are still  _ garbage. _ Biting back on a sigh, Deceit subtly leans against Romulus more, watching as William silently begins dishing himself out some breakfast, as the teen doesn’t want his food to grow cold. After William’s done, Romulus does the same, doing Deceit a favor by filling up his plate for him, careful not to give him anything he knows he won’t eat. Deceit shoots him a sly smirk, not thinking to stop himself as he turns his head slightly, burying his face against Romulus’s burly cloak for comfort. The royal Side’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t dare comment, too afraid of scaring Deceit into retreating into himself. By the time Deceit’s straightened up again, it seems as though Conroy’s finally calmed down, the child fast asleep on Logan’s lap.

“Oh, um… I didn’t intend for him to lose consciousness.” Logan admits, his face a light red as he realizes that his comforting worked a little  _ too  _ well.

“It’s fine, he could use the rest; poor boy doesn’t get enough as it is,” Deceit says, going pale as he processes what he just said. “Wh-What I mean is… he’s Paranoia, correct? He likely suffers from insomnia. You see that? That’s me being logical, much like you, Logan.” He’s digging himself a deeper hole as he speaks, but to hell with it, it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose.

Logan looks so  _ tired  _ of Deceit’s shit, it’s honestly a miracle he hasn’t choked him out at this point. All but sighing, the logical Side just keeps his mouth shut as he serves himself breakfast, making a point out of not looking at his aggressor. Deceit averts his gaze in turn, returning the favor by not saying anything else for the time being. Once Patton has returned to his seat, the earlier tension finally begins to chisel away, mostly because Romulus and William are both too abrasive to let it stay quiet forever. Together, the two of them start up a rather simple conversation, keeping the topic on video games and their plot-lines, which works to get everyone involved over time. Patton chips in with how much he loves happy endings, Logan occasionally brings up how fascinating video games are in early stages of development, William brags about his latest high score, Romulus brings up the intricacies of what makes a good story, and Deceit, every once in awhile during the conversation, puts in his two cents about how the gaming industry is corrupt as all hell. As an unspoken agreement, they all keep their voices down, so that Conroy will stay asleep, unknowingly clinging onto Logan’s tie. Logan doesn’t comment on it.

“In short, this is the reason that if any of you save over my file on Majora’s Mask again, I will personally rip your kidneys out and feed them to whatever the hell will eat them in the Imagination.” William says, his tone surprisingly serious even as he grins.

Romulus all but rolls his eyes at this. “That only happened  _ once  _ and you  _ know it,  _ Will,” He points out, subconsciously running his thumb over Deceit’s knuckles. “I would never do something like that to you on purpose.”

“Says the man who wrapped me in duct tape while I was sleeping, all because I accidentally used your make-up without asking,” Deceit counters, smiling half-heartedly as he contributes to the conversation to avoid stewing in his own depressing thoughts. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to hop out of my bedroom for help? It wasn’t at all.” He can’t help but lie, even when there’s no point in it.

William huffs, completely ignoring Deceit’s story. “Rom, you betrayed my trust that day, and for that you’ll pay with your freaking  _ life.” _ At this point, Deceit can’t even tell if he’s joking around anymore, but he has a feeling he is; when Romulus is around, everyone tends to be a bit over-dramatic, no matter how easygoing the conversation is meant to be.

Romulus laughs outright. “You already poured bleach in my shampoo for that one, darling, I’m fairly certain we’re even,” Suddenly though, he gives William a devilish look, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Of course, if it’s a prank war you want, it’s a prank war you’ll have… let’s see how you like having your precious soda replaced with mud!”

“Boys,” Patton cuts in before William can keep it going, the morally upstanding Side not really catching onto the fact that they’re just poking fun at each other. “We shouldn’t be making such unkind threats to one another… not in front of Conroy!” He says, gesturing towards Logan and his sleeping charge.

“…Bruh, he’s takin’ a nap, he can’t even  _ hear us,” _ William points out, his irritation genuine after being scolded for something he feels wasn’t worth being scolded over. “Besides, we joke around like this all the time; may as well get the kid used to it!”

“We should really consider filtering ourselves from now on, Billy,” Patton continues trying to be authoritative, daring to cross his arms and scowl at William. “What, are you saying you  _ want  _ Conroy to be running around cussing up a storm? Do you really want to include a  _ little kid _ in your rough-housing? No, I don’t think  _ anyone  _ wants that.”

“Kid’s gonna grow,” William deadpans, leveling Patton with a very dangerous look. “Sooner or later, he ain’t gonna be a tyke anymore… better to make him ready for it than shelter him,” He glances at Deceit while he says this, his tone biting, like he’s upset he has to deal with this nonsense again, which he probably is. “Come on, Dad, you can’t act like such a helicopter parent with him; you haven’t even had him for a whole day, and you’re actin’ like he’s made of glass bones and paper skin!”

“I’m not acting like a copper parent; I’m just trying to make sure Conroy has a happy, safe, wonderful childhood!” Patton corrects, getting defensive when he sees that William’s willing to keep the argument going.

“It’s  _ helicopter,  _ dumbass,” William takes it a step further, beginning to cuss instead of filtering himself, likely just to make Patton even  _ more  _ upset with him. “And yeah, you fucking are acting like one! I get you’re excited to be a Daddy, but ya can’t act like Connie’s a fuckin’ toddler!”

“William,  _ enough,” _ Logan orders, tone firm. “I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m fairly certain that Patton will not remain this strict the entire time that Conroy is an adolescent; allow him the room to parent Paranoia in peace.”

Patton actually doesn’t take too well to Logan defending him, offended by his commentary. “Logan, you think I’m being strict?” He asks, his voice hinting that he feels betrayed. “I’m not being strict  _ at all, _ at least I’m not  _ trying  _ to be! I just wanna keep Conroy safe, is that too much to ask? Am I  _ really  _ the bad guy for wanting my son to be okay when he grows up?” Tears begin slipping down his face, the typically upbeat Side letting out a hoarse sob. “I just wanna be a good dad!” He yells, before snatching Conroy off of Logan’s lap and running into the living room.

Immediately, sobbing can be heard echoing from the den, causing everyone to cringe, Thomas’s empathy so powerful that all of his Sides can feel it, at least to some degree. “Ouch,” Romulus mumbles, wincing as he glances over his shoulder, eyeing the doorway with great unease. “Suppose that could have gone better, lads.”

“I’ve seen worse,” Deceit admits, being truthful for once. “Incredible job, Procrastination, you managed to make Morality cry… _ again.  _ Would you like a medal for your efforts? It’s blue, the color of sadness, which is what you make everyone in the mind palace feel every time you open your mouth.”

“That’s so unbelievably rude, but credit where credit is due; that was clever,” Romulus says, throwing Deceit a half-hearted little smirk. “Sassy little minx, aren’t you?”

“Can y’all stop flirting for five fucking seconds and shut your freakin’ mouths? Thanks,” William mutters, looking away with no small amount of guilt in his eyes. “I didn’t  _ mean  _ to make Dad sob, for crying out loud! He was bein’ an asshole!”

“That’s no excuse for how you spoke to him,” Logan points out, glaring at William for his grievances. However, to Deceit’s surprise, he scowls at him and Romulus as well, not looking pleased with them in the slightest. “Don’t even  _ begin  _ to think you’re off the hook, either… you should both know better than to act like children,” He stands, ready to go after Patton. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure Patton isn’t-”

“-Wait,” Deceit cuts him off, standing up before Logan can get to his feet. “Let  _ me  _ talk to him, Logic.”

Logan stiffens, simultaneously surprised by Deceit’s willingness to help and not trusting him to do a good job. “I…  _ appreciate  _ the offer, Deceit. However, I believe I would be better suited to help Patton through his breakdown.”

Deceit pulls a face, resisting the urge to glare at his fellow Side. “Don’t forget that you pushed him over the edge with your little passive-aggressive speech, Logic. Perhaps Morality is in need of a trustworthy, understanding middleman?” Even if he won’t glare, he can’t resist the temptation of being a dick about this.

Logan glowers at Deceit, catching onto his attitude surprisingly well. “I’ve  _ got it.” _ He deadpans, surprisingly stubborn on the matter.

For a moment, Deceit considers Logan, curious as to why the logical Side is acting so… well,  _ illogical.  _ It takes a few minutes, which Deceit spends looking Logan over for clues, when it finally hits him. The sweaty palms, the irrational anger, the defensive behavior… Logan’s  _ jealous.  _ Out of a lack of both restraint and decent manners, Deceit begins to laugh his head off, much to the confusion of everyone else in the kitchen; he’s so loud, he manages to drown out Patton’s bawling for a few seconds. Once he’s done with his laughing fit, Deceit sneers viciously at Logan, his smirk unashamed and satisfied. Dear god, it feels  _ good  _ to watch Logan, a Side he’s always resented for being so damn stubborn and in control, become petty over some teenage-level infatuation. Were it not for William being in the room, and therefore acting as a witness to Deceit’s own shortcomings when it comes to his own stupid crush, he’d call it like it is and watch Logan blush like a fucking fool. Unfortunately, Deceit gets no such luxury, but he’ll certainly enjoy watching the smartass Side squirm in front of him, likely fearing that Deceit’s caught onto his schoolyard crush.

“Oh,  _ Logic,”  _ Deceit practically coos, continuing to wear a shit-eating grin on his face. “So  _ defensive…  _ what’s wrong? Afraid I’m getting too  _ close  _ to Morality? I suppose he might start to idolize me, now that I’ve brought him his precious child… maybe  _ I’ll  _ be his best friend from now on? That would certainly be something, now wouldn’t it? And to think, all I had to do to earn such affection and trust was give him a baby.”

Logan physically steps back a bit, which is just way too satisfying for Deceit. Nervously, Logan looks towards Romulus and William, trying to see if they’ll react to what was obviously an admission on Deceit’s part, but to his shock, the two of them just continue to watch the scene in front of them, at the most expressing confusion towards the confrontation in general. All at once, Deceit sees the pieces click into place in Logan’s head, the reality that everyone but him and Patton have known about Conroy for at least a week or so before his official reveal. Secretly, Deceit actually feels a bit bad for Logan, unable to imagine such betrayal… well, William and Romulus more or less bullying him into giving his son away certainly hurt, but he knows it’s nothing compared to finding out that it was three against two all along. Logan eventually picks his jaw off the floor, trying his hardest to sort himself out before he addresses the main points of Deceit’s argument instead of getting caught up in that one detail, which is actually pretty impressive. Were Deceit in his shoes, he knows he’d be spiraling for at least a half hour, if not a whole day, but as per fucking usual, Logan isn’t so easy to outsmart or tongue-tie, even when it’s an emotional argument.

“And how exactly are you going to comfort Patton, hm?” Logan skips the personal jabs, getting right back to business in a flash, subconsciously adjusting his necktie to cement this change in subjects. “Out of everyone in this room, you’re the  _ last  _ Side I’d expect to come off as reassuring… excluding William, of course.”

“Oi!” William barks, offended by the comment. “Says the guy who’s about as cuddly as a box of nails!”

“My point stands,” Logan ignores William, not bothering to respond to him. He continues to scowl at Deceit, his displeasure obvious and weighted, making the dishonest Side quite uncomfortable. “Now, what are you going to do to  _ help him, _ Deceit? I’d love to know.”

Deceit swallows around a lump in his throat, suddenly uneasy at the thought of being in the spotlight. This is probably a role better suited for the king, but he’ll accept the cards he’s been dealt; he knows he can win with this hand, he just has to maneuver a little, that’s all. “You’ll see.” Deceit deadpans, not bothering to elaborate for fear of changing his game plan as he goes. Besides, he likes surprising his fellow Sides, especially with Romulus’s influence enveloping him, making him crave the spotlight as much as he fears it.

Without another word, Deceit steps into the living room, biting back a smirk when Romulus, William, and Logan immediately run for the window between the two rooms, eager to watch and see what their fellow Side is going to do. Once in the den, Deceit glances towards Patton and Conroy, assessing the damage before he tries to fix anything. Patton is still an absolute  _ wreck,  _ his crying not having slowed in the slightest, which is simultaneously a relief and a disappointment; it’s good because it means there’s no way in  _ hell  _ he overheard Deceit and Logan’s argument, but it’s also bad because Deceit now has a lot more to fix than he thought he’d have. In the meantime, Conroy isn’t faring much better than Patton, awake after all the commotion and crying alongside the morally righteous Side, his empathy making it hard not to share Patton’s unhappiness. Biting back on a sigh, Deceit plops down on the couch beside Patton and Conroy, very tempted to reach over and pull Conroy out of the other Side’s lap, but he knows better than to further provoke his roommate's breakdown. Very gently, Deceit lays a hand on Patton’s shoulder, prompting the other man to look up at him.

“Oh… _ h-hi,  _ Dimitri,” Patton hiccups out, trying hard to compose himself, but it’s a losing battle. “Wh-What’s goin’ on?”

Deceit bites his lip to keep from sneering, still pretty uncomfortable around Patton. “I just… wanted to see what I can do to help,” Does it count as lying if that’s what he told everyone he was doing, even when he doesn’t really  _ want  _ to help out? He’s too busy to figure it out. “I saw how unfairly everyone was treating you and, well, you know me… can’t stand for any injustice.” He can practically  _ feel  _ William tense up, as if his Name was called… but that’s  _ impossible, _ right? He’s Procrastination… nothing more, nothing less.

Patton is too preoccupied to sense the tension, only having enough energy to give Deceit the weariest of smiles. “That’s k-kind of you, Dimitri… I r-really appreciate that,” He says, subconsciously hugging Conroy tighter against his chest, petting the little boy’s hair like he’s some sort of cat. “I’m s-sorry for being s-such a mess… I really  _ do  _ just wanna keep Conroy  _ safe, _ but… am I doing it  _ right?” _ He looks to Deceit for assistance, absolutely  _ desperate  _ for it.

Deceit knows he oughta take the opportunity to calmly and kindly guide Patton down a better path, to teach him not to be so overprotective, but… well, he’s never been good at holding in a lie, now has he? “You’re doing  _ great, _ Morality,” Deceit promises, his words fake and full of dishonesty, but it’s not like Patton is emotionally aware enough to pick up on it. “If  _ anyone  _ is going to do a good job in raising Paranoia, it’s  _ you,” _ That’s a lie. “In fact, I think you’ve been doing better than Thomas’s own  _ parents  _ have done with  _ him!”  _ There’s another lie. “Don’t let anyone’s judgement change you, Morality… you’re such a  _ good  _ father, I’m so glad I found Paranoia, if only so I could be lucky enough to gift him with the perfect parent.” Bullshit. Absolute  _ fucking  _ bullshit.

Nonetheless, Patton eats the praise right up, either too oblivious to notice or not caring that all he’s been told are embellishments and lies. “Oh, Dimitri…  _ thank you!” _ Patton leaps forward, hugging Deceit as tight as he can, unknowingly crushing Conroy between them.

Deceit stiffens at the contact, unused to such affectionate behavior. Even so, he takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around Conroy, completely ignoring Patton, not that the upbeat Side really notices. “It’s of no trouble, Morality,” Deceit assures, tempted to roll his eyes. “Really, it’s my pleasure; I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

“You’re so  _ kind!” _ Patton coos, coming away with… _ black tear tracks? _ Deceit looks down, noticing that Conroy’s still silently crying. Is… is Conroy’s darker tears  _ contagious? _ “I’m… I’m gonna take your advice! I know what’s best for Connie, right?”

“Of  _ course  _ you do,” Deceit keeps it going, ignoring how everyone in the kitchen is very visibly shocked by what he’s saying. “You’re  _ Morality, _ after all, and  _ Thomas’s  _ morality no less! Thomas is an upstanding, good boy, and that makes you just as perfect as he is.”

“You’re  _ right!”  _ Patton agrees, grinning as he hugs Conroy to himself. He turns the boy around in his grasp, so that Conroy is looking at him while he speaks to him. “Conroy… I’m sorry if Daddy comes off as a little clingy sometimes, but he’s only doing it out of love! Daddy loves you so very much, Connie, and he’s gonna do everything in his power to keep his baby boy safe!”

Conroy  _ blinks, _ looking frantically between Romulus, who’s still in the kitchen, and Patton, who he’s struggling to see as anything but a potential abuser. “Um… okay, sir.” He says, not sure what else to say to that, tears still trickling down his cheeks.

Patton pouts, not liking that title at all. “Connie… you call me  _ Daddy,  _ okay?  _ Please?  _ That’s what I wanna be for you, sweetie! Please, won’t you call me Daddy? I promise to be the bestest Daddy that anyone’s ever had!”

That just causes more turmoil, Conroy looking to Deceit with such desperation and worry and  _ fear  _ in his eyes… it kills Deceit to see his son in such a state, but with how far into this game they’ve gotten, he knows there’s no turning back now.  _ “Well, _ Conroy?” Deceit tries to be gentle, tries to be fatherly, but he knows his chance to do so is very limited. “It’s okay, little one… he’s your father now, isn’t he? You’re more than allowed to call him as much.”

Conroy  _ balks  _ at that, horrified by the order. Deceit can see the questions racing violently behind his child’s eyes-  _ “How could you do this to me? I thought you and the king were my fathers… is that over now? Am I not yours anymore? Do you still love me? Did you  _ ever  _ love me? Please, get me out of here, Papa!”-  _ however, the boy can’t afford to speak his mind, shoving his feelings aside to cry about at a later date. With a wobbly lower lip, Conroy looks up at Patton, his heart broken beyond repair. “I… I love you, Daddy.” He murmurs, voice barely above a weak whisper.

Patton grins, snuggling Conroy to his chest in an instant, fully convinced that the only reason Conroy hesitated is because he’s shy. “Thata boy!” He cheers, peppering the little boy’s face in kisses to encourage him. “You’re so good for me, aren’t you? My precious baby boy!”

Conroy just… he looks so  _ lost  _ in all of this, his throat tight and his mind racing; he doesn’t understand why things are like this, why his Papa is doing this to him, but he knows he can’t disobey his father’s orders, no matter his feelings. With the heaviest of hearts, Conroy hugs Patton back, before burying his face in the older Side’s shirt, sobbing against the man. Not for the first time in his life, Deceit wants nothing more than to pick his son up and run away with him, to shoo away all those awful, unhappy lies from his kid’s head, but… he can’t  _ do  _ that. Besides, Deceit knows it’s his own fault all of those lies are swirling in Conroy’s head, the boy unable to perceive what’s truth and what’s deception anymore. It dawns on Deceit slowly, with the intent to kill him, that he never should have tried to raise Conroy by himself in the first place. What did he gain from all of this? How long did he  _ honestly  _ think he could hide Conroy from the others? That night, after he found Paranoia in the kitchen, and subsequently chased him into the bathroom and comforted him… he should’ve marched to Logan’s door, woken the stern Side up, and wordlessly handed him the sleeping child; it could’ve been  _ easy…  _ it could’ve been  _ okay. _

Now here everyone is, caught up in a bunch of bullshit drama that Deceit, whether he intended to or not, stirred up. William is angrier and more rebellious than ever, some hidden part of him coming to light in the least flattering of ways. Romulus… well, he still adores Deceit, there’s no doubt about that, but the tension in their relationship may never go away, now that the king has seen what his best friend is capable of and willing to do. Logan is never going to trust Deceit again- if he ever did in the first place- after what he’s just learned, especially with Deceit purposefully trying to make him jealous. Patton is satisfied and calm for now, yes, but Deceit still put him through over a  _ month  _ of non-stop depression and anxiety, feelings that may linger longer than anyone wants them to. Conroy is the most fucked over by far, being a mere child that’s trapped in a web of lies and manipulation, so caught up in it all that he can’t tell the spiders from the flies. And finally, there’s Deceit… he’s lost any chance at being the father he dreamed of being for his son, and that really  _ is  _ his greatest loss in all of this bullshit, at least in his opinion. Would it have been better to have never had a taste of that life, so that he would never have to miss it?

Deceit can’t be certain, but in any case, he has a feeling that nothing will ever be okay again.

* * *

It has to be at least three in the morning, maybe even four, that Deceit’s awoken by a deep feeling of unease in his chest.

Quick as a whip, the dishonest Side sits up, feeling as if he’s trapped in a rat’s cage and a mad scientist is watching him- eyes full of sadism- through the bars. With all of the frightfulness of a mouse in it’s final resting place, Deceit scuttles off of his bed, his anxiety overwhelming and claustrophobic. Shoving his fear down to the best of his ability, the snake-like Side shuffles out of his bedroom in hardly anything more than a bathrobe and a pair of brown bunny slippers he  _ ‘borrowed’  _ from Romulus a few months ago. Deceit goes to check on Conroy first of course, as his son is obviously the first Side he’d want to make sure is well. Opening the boy’s door, Deceit pokes his head inside, half scared of waking the kid up if he’s managed to fall asleep with all of this paranoia in the atmosphere. Conroy appears fine, the boy bundled up in his blanket with Charlie tucked under his chin, the youngest of the Sides fast asleep and oblivious to the tension in the air. Deceit can’t help but smile a little at the sight, relieved to see that his pride and joy hasn’t been harmed while he was away. He leaves the room soon after, not wanting to wake Conroy and involve him in his own anxious bullcrap.

With Conroy safe, Deceit decides to pop in on Romulus next, secretly wondering if the king imagined up something dangerous in his room again. Swallowing his pride, Deceit taps a Disney tune against the oak door of Romulus’s bedroom, it being a rhythm from his favorite Disney film, Fantasia. The door opens as soon as Deceit finishes the song, mimicking a bit of the tune as it swings open for him. To Deceit’s relief, Romulus is fast asleep, meaning he won’t have to trek through several miles of the Imagination to track him down. Instead of any of that nonsense, Romulus is lost in his dreamland on his frankly enormous bed, the russet colored canopy doing a good job of masking how the king is actually doing. Very carefully, so as not to wake Romulus, Deceit tiptoes across the room, feeling unbelievably out of place in the royal Side’s glamorous room, as the king has a tendency to go all out when it comes to decorating, and his own bedroom is certainly no different. Ignoring all of the expensive looking paintings and the overabundance of fairy lights, Deceit comes to pause at Romulus’s bedside.

Almost hesitantly, Deceit pulls back one of the curtains, unable to keep back a smirk when he sees the state that his closest friend is in. Romulus is out like a light, sprawled out and not at all looking as pompous as he oftentimes acts; it’s like he’s finally allowed to be at peace. For a moment, Deceit’s tempted to brush a hand through Romulus’s hair, but again, he doesn’t want to wake the man… best to just let him sleep. Just as Deceit is beginning to step away from the royal Side’s bed, preparing himself to check on William next, Romulus’s eyes snap open, and he snatches ahold of one of Deceit’s wrists. Embarrassingly enough, the dishonest Side yelps outright, caught off-guard by Romulus’s sudden wakefulness. In his humiliating panic, Deceit tries to wretch away from the king’s grasp, wanting nothing more than to run and hide under his bed after being caught. Because of this, Romulus just tightens his grip, sitting up with a yawn as his free hand rubs at his sandy eyes, his nonchalant behavior suggesting this isn’t as big a deal to him as Deceit is making it out to be. Nonetheless, Deceit continues to squirm, uncomfortable and scared of his friend’s reaction to being woken up.

Romulus soon shakes off most of his drowsiness, turning his head to give Deceit a half-hearted smile. “Evening, darling,” He murmurs, voice groggy from a lack of recent use. “And what brings you sneaking into my bedchamber? Can you really not wait to see me again until later, love?”

Deceit averts his eyes with a blush, still overcome with embarrassment. “I, um, uh…” He trails off, not sure how Romulus will react to his explanation, so he spits out some bullcrap to cover his ass. “Conroy had a nightmare, and after I tended to him I wanted to check on everyone, make sure the boy’s panic didn’t seep through the walls and infect anyone’s room.”

“You’re making him sound like a parasite,” Romulus points out, tone chiding. “So the little prince had a nightmare? How awful. Is he well? Does he need me to check under his bed for monsters again?” He makes to get up, fully prepared to comfort his child in any way he can.

“That won’t be necessary, your majesty,” Deceit assures a little too frantically, his anxious state making him appear frazzled as he tries pushing Romulus back down onto the bed. “Really, I’ve got it under control… Conroy is asleep, and we shouldn’t wake him; you know how hard it is for him to stay asleep.”

Romulus nods, before pausing, looking Deceit over with an unnamed glint in his eyes. “Dimitri, darling… are you  _ lying  _ to me?” He questions, catching onto how unnerved his partner in crime seems to be. When Deceit just looks away again, the king chuckles, not at all offended by his friend’s frequent lies. “I suppose I shouldn’t be all that surprised, considering how anxious you’ve been these last few days…  _ you’re  _ the one who had a nightmare, aren’t you? There’s no shame in it, love, we all have them.”

Deceit honestly isn’t sure what to say to that, his thoughts conflicted.  _ Did  _ he have a nightmare? Is  _ that  _ why he woke up in such an unprecedented panic? It seems likely. As Romulus pointed out, Deceit has been less than easy-going lately, the paranoia from his son rubbing off on him more excessively than when they shared a bedroom together. For a moment, Deceit considers running for it, the humiliation of being seen in such a state making him want to hide in his room and never come back out, but… well, he could never do that to the king; not when he’s been so kind to him over the years. Without a word, Deceit simply sits on Romulus’s bed, his heart heavy and his mind refusing to quiet down, not sure whether or not he wants to remember his nightmare. Deceit shuts his eyes, his head aching in pain when he thinks too hard, his fear of the unknown making his skin crawl and ache. In the meantime, Romulus snaps his fingers, changing his rather unflattering oversized T-shirt into a more fanciful nightgown that reaches almost to his ankles. The king then crawls to sit on his knees behind Deceit, beginning to rub his friend’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort him.

“There there, my love,” Romulus whispers, his hands coming to rub Deceit’s arms instead, if only so the king can rest his chin on his friend’s left shoulder. “It’s alright to have bad dreams; lord knows I have them far too often for my liking. You’ve been so stressed lately, dealing with Patton and everyone else’s typical nonsense… you deserve a break, dear.”

“If only,” Deceit mutters, his eyes fluttering shut, blissed out from the king’s massage. “Don’t suppose I’ll ever get one though… too busy making sure this palace doesn’t burn down.”

“You can’t put all of Thomas’s problems on your own shoulders, darling… we’re all in this together, aren’t we? We’re a family, and family sticks together, no matter what tries to come between them,” Romulus continues trying to reassure Deceit, desperate to make his closest friend feel better. “I meant it when I said I think you deserve a break, Dimitri… Saturday, you and I should spend the day in the Imagination together; the others can care for Thomas and Conroy. If you let me, I’ll make sure you have the best day you’ve ever had in your life.”

Deceit can’t stifle his smile, catching onto what Romulus may be implying. “Your majesty… are you asking me out on a da-”

Before the dishonest Side can finish his sentence, a loud shout erupts through the air, causing both men to flinch in surprise. Within seconds, Romulus is on his feet, his signature sword and shield summoned into existence when he raises his arms, his bedroom brightening up to give him better visibility. “What in the name of creativity  _ was  _ that?” Romulus asks, eyes feverishly looking around the room, his body tense and ready to fight. “Don’t suppose something got loose from the Imagination, do you? I’ve hardly been up for ten minutes, you wouldn’t think anything could come into existence in that time, especially not anything worth worrying about.”

Deceit stands, eyes focusing in on the door. “It came from the living room,” He says matter-of-factually, summoning a dagger from his pocket, just to be safe. “As for whatever made that noise being a monster… no, it sounded too human. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s one of our troublesome roommates.”

“If one of Logan’s little experiments exploded again, I’m going to make that Side eat his glasses,” Romulus threatens, his voice full of irritation and malice. “Should we both go to check on it? If it’s truly something from the Imagination, you’ll want back-up.”

Deceit chuckles in good humor, sparing his friend a warm smile. “There’s no need to worry, your majesty… I’m sure I can handle it by myself. Besides, I was the one rude enough to wake you; you should get back to sleep. Heaven knows you can’t be falling behind on your beauty sleep.”

“Oh hush, you,” Romulus orders, giving Deceit’s shoulder a playful punch. “I honestly can’t tell if you’re lying about it not being dangerous… but very well, love. Do take my words to heart, won’t you? My offer for a day to ourselves still stands… it’s been so long since we’ve had time with just the two of us, I’d love to have that again.”

Deceit’s lucky he’s so good at lying, or he would be forced to admit that Romulus legitimately wanting him to be around has his heart fluttering. “Um… I’ll consider it,” He offers, knowing that if he agrees, he’s less inclined to accept the invitation. “Sleep well, your majesty… I’ll tell you what interrupted us in the morning.”

“See that you do, my darling,” Romulus sounds so sad to see his friend go, but he’s not about to try telling Deceit no; he may be nicknamed the king, but he’s not always happy with ordering other Sides around, especially Sides he fancies. “Don’t stay up  _ too  _ late, understand? Can’t have my beloved one overworking himself… at least, not anymore than he already does.”

Deceit blushes, much to his embarrassment, simply nodding in response. With their goodbyes out of the way, the lying Side exits Romulus’s bedroom, mindful not to trip and make a fool of himself in front of his best friend. Once the door closes behind him, Deceit let’s out a long, exhausted sigh, before he grins like a bobcat, overjoyed by the conversation he had with Romulus. If it wasn’t very fucking obvious at this point, Deceit has a crush on the king, though he’s very careful to hide it… which has been getting progressively harder as of late. Deceit isn’t sure if it’s because Thomas is in middle school, because he found Conroy, or because of puberty rearing it’s ugly head, but in any case, the dishonest Side is becoming less and less capable of hiding his true feelings for Romulus. He knows he oughta start staying away from the king, if only to preserve his dignity… but it’s so  _ hard,  _ especially when Romulus is difficult to avoid, the embodiment of creativity not taking well at all to anyone ignoring him, especially when he wants to be seen by  _ that  _ specific person. Sighing, Deceit simply shakes his head, well-aware that he’s- no pun intended- royally screwed.

Pushing his dumb little crush aside to worry about later, Deceit heads towards where the shout from earlier sounded from, his shoulders tense with anticipation. He wants to believe it was nothing- just a trick of the ears, or an auditory hallucination even- but he knows that it wasn’t, therefore he must do something about it. Soon enough, Deceit finds himself nearing the living room, where everything seems to happen in this fucking hellscape he calls his home. Careful to be as quiet as physically possible, the snake-like Side hugs the wall as he tiptoes towards the doorway, peeking inside to assess the situation before he does anything. To Deceit’s immense surprise, everything seems… perfectly fine. The oddest possible thing is that William’s still awake, the lazy Side up at this ungodly hour playing video games, but hey, it’s not like he hasn’t been doing that a lot lately. When he can’t find anything more out of place, Deceit resigns himself to having to talk to William about his, otherwise he won’t feel safe enough to go back to bed; maybe  _ he  _ can tell Deceit what happened.

Deceit steps into the living room, giving William a somewhat amused look. “Good evening, Procrastination,” He greets, tone friendly despite his fatigue. “And what has you up this late?”   


William jumps with fright at the sound of Deceit’s voice, the teen tossing down his game controller in his panic, before raising his fists in a defensive position. “What the _ fuck!?”  _ The lazy Side barks, eyes wide with anxiety behind his sunglasses.

Deceit backs up a bit, uneasy with how aggressive William’s acting. “Calm down, Procrastination, it’s only me! What in the world has gotten into you!?” He insists, hands up in mock surrender. He usually wouldn’t cower like this in front of another Side, but he’ll make an exception for William, especially after their last fight.

After a few seconds, William rather reluctantly lowers his fists, breathing heavily due to the expended adrenaline. “…Don’t sneak up on me like that,” He deadpans, slowly but surely sinking back onto the couch, but he doesn’t pick his controller back up right away, eyes still fixated on Deceit. “What the hell are you doing up anyways, dude? It’s, like, four AM.”

“I could never ask the same of you,” Deceit says, beginning to calm down as well, though he’s keeping an eye on William’s fists. “But if you  _ must  _ know, a loud noise woke Conroy, and I promised him I would see what it was for him.” He lies not only to hide why he’s really awake, but also to hide the fact that he was just in the king’s bedroom; William doesn’t need anymore ammunition to tease their relationship.

“Oh,” William looks away, his expression suggesting he’s ashamed of himself. “Sorry, dude, that was me… didn’t mean to wake the kid up.”

Deceit takes well to that, silently glad that William cares enough about Conroy to feel bad for potentially frightening him. “It’s fine, Procrastination… I made sure he went right back to bed,” He comes to sit beside William on the couch, as he isn’t really keen on going back to bed right now… besides, he has a feeling there’s more to this than meets the eye. “So what exactly  _ happened, _ Procrastination? Why exactly were you making so much noise at this hour?”

William considers Deceit for a few seconds, before picking up his controller again, fiddling with it in his hands. “Um… it was nothing, man,” He lies, which is obvious from his silent refusal to talk about this. “Just dropped somethin’ on my foot, it’s no big deal.”

“You should know better than to lie in my face, Procrastination; I’m Thomas’s  _ truth  _ after all,” Deceit says, smirking when William shoots him a disbelieving look. “Don’t give me that; you know it’s hard for me to say things honestly.”

“No kidding,” William mutters, rolling his eyes as he unpauses his game, picking up where he left off. Offhandedly, Deceit sees that the younger Side is playing Majora’s Mask; he probably got inspired to play it after he mentioned it a few days ago. “But seriously, dude, just let a sleeping bear lie… you wouldn’t understand, even if I told you.”

“Try me,” Deceit deadpans, not ready to let this go. He adores collecting secrets, and he’s not about to lose the opportunity to collect another. “You know me, Procrastination; if anyone can keep a secret, it’s me.”

“Well… fuck it, I’ve got nothin’ to really lose, I guess,” William says, eyes still on his game as he speaks, letting it keep his hands and eyes busy while he speaks his mind. “I’m just… I’ve been so fucking  _ angry  _ lately! It seems like, no matter what happens, things keep being shitty, and I’m tired of it! Patton’s been such a  _ bitch  _ lately, acting like some kinda helicopter parent, and Logan is just enabling him!” He side-eyes Deceit, something in his glance suggesting he isn’t very happy with him. “Honestly, it reminds me of how you and your boyfriend were acting when it was just you dudes takin’ care of Connie… I know I wasn’t around to see all of it, but you’re pretty controlling of him too, and Rom just let’s you do whatever you want because he wants to marry you or whatever… it’s  _ annoying. _ I thought Connie would finally be free from all that shit, but now Patton’s doing the same fucking things that you did, but with less… I dunno,  _ tact?  _ Is that the word?”

“Maybe,” Deceit keeps it simple, secretly intrigued by everything William’s been saying so far, astonished that the lazy Side actually cares about any of this stuff. “Why does this all bother you, anyway? Why so upset? I thought you wanted to stay in your own space, away from everyone else’s nonsense… after all, you’re  _ just  _ Procrastination, correct?” When only a lengthy, awkward pause follows, with William refusing to look at him, Deceit feels the pieces click into place. “The other day, when you flinched during my conversation with Patton… that wasn’t in my head, was it? There was something more there, something I said to trigger you… you’re not  _ just  _ Procrastination, are you?”

William swallows around a lump his throat, hands a bit shaky on his controller. “…I dunno,” He admits, voice hoarse as he resists the urge to cry, all of this weighing on him like a backpack full of bricks. “I honestly don’t  _ fucking  _ know.”

Deceit sits a little straighter, looking over William with an appraiser's eye, trying to connect all of the dots and recreate the right picture in front of him. What else could William  _ represent?  _ Deceit considers Competition or Competitiveness, seeing as William certainly likes to tease and prod the other Sides to join in on his prank wars and games, but he dismisses it quickly enough, because if  _ anyone  _ is going to be an official representation of competition, it’s the king. Maybe he’s… Deceit isn’t sure about this one, but  _ Fight?  _ That doesn’t sound like something that could even  _ form  _ a Side, seeing as not everyone has the ability nor desire to fight, and besides, fighting could be associated with something else. Could William be Wrath or Anger? That’s more probable, but Deceit still isn’t one-hundred percent convinced, believing that Patton still holds some anger in his heart, even if it only really comes out as defensiveness, and in any case, William’s bursts of anger aren’t  _ completely  _ unprompted. So what on earth could William  _ be? _ Deceit can’t figure it out, no matter how hard he tries. Okay, have to think about what he said to make William so uncomfortable the other day, but what did he  _ say  _ exactly?

“Billy…” For once, Deceit uses William’s preferred name, needing the lazier Side to hear him now more than ever. “Are you  _ Judgement?” _

William doesn’t even blink, not affected by Deceit’s guess. “No, dude… I think I’m, uh…” He trails off a little, eyes still on his game, but he eventually gets what he wants to say out. “I think I’m  _ Justice?  _ Or at least, somethin’ close to… but I’m also Procrastination still? It’s so  _ weird.” _

Deceit nods in agreement, lying back on the couch more, trying to appear less anxious than he secretly feels. “You should tell me about it… perhaps I can be of some assistance.” He’s mostly offering out of curiosity, but also a bit out of genuine concern for William, as he actually quite likes the teenage Side, even if he’s bad at expressing it.

William huffs, rolling his eyes. “I already fuckin’ said it, may as well go the whole nine yards, right?” He coughs into his hoodie sleeve, before continuing with his rant. “So, yeah, I might be Justice or something… but it’s so  _ weird,  _ because I’m  _ still  _ Procrastination, and I don’t think I’ll ever  _ stop  _ being that! It feels like… it feels like,” He glances around the room, before his eyes settle on Link on the TV screen, something in the character resonating with William. “It’s like I’m Link, and I’ve been turned into a Deku or whatever, but I don’t have an ocarina to change myself back… I’m still Link, but I’m also a Deku, and sometimes I’m both.”

Deceit just  _ blinks, _ absorbing it all. “I need you to understand that I know fuck all about Legend of Zelda,” He states, squinting at the TV to try and understand, but all he sees is a little blond boy in a green tunic, and he can’t really figure out what William is saying… but he thinks he can guess at it. “But, you said that you feel like two people at once; that’s what you’re saying, right?”

“Yeah, that works,” William says, smiling a little, amused by Deceit’ attempt at understanding his strange way of explaining his problems to him. “As I was saying though… it only started recently. Like, as soon as I started to figure out you might have Connie, I… I felt like I had to take matters into my own hands, even though that ain’t my style! It’s  _ never  _ been my style, but apparently now it is, and I _ hate it! _ Every time someone acts like a jerk and they’re not just joking around, or mistreats somebody else and it hurts that person… it makes me wanna beat the  _ shit  _ out of them, and I can’t make my head shut up about it!” Finally, at long last, there are tears running down William’s face, the teen unable to keep it in any longer. He stands, throwing his controller down again as he clutches both sides of his head, screaming towards the floor in agony. “I’m gonna fucking lose my  _ shit, _ dude! I feel like I’m exploding at all freaking times, and I’m pretty sure it’s not just Thomas going through puberty!”

Deceit stands alongside William, conflicted as to what he should do, since he’s never actually seen William break down like this before. Oh sure, he’s heard the other Side sobbing through closed doors, but he’s never seen the teen cry firsthand. Out of pity, Deceit simply lays a hand on William’s shoulder, wanting to console him even if he isn’t one-hundred percent sure how to. “It’s going to be okay, Billy,” He says, likely lying, but even  _ he  _ isn’t sure. “I know it’s hard, but everything will turn out just fine.”

William steps away from Deceit, his expression one of anger and desperation. “Don’t fuckin’ lie to me right now, dude! I’m so sick of your shit, all you do is lie and manipulate people, and I… I…” He goes terrifyingly still, eyeing Deceit with a dangerous aura to him. “Every bone in my body is tellin’ me to punch your lights out.”

Deceit stiffens, beyond scared that he’s about to get beat on, but if he runs, that’ll just guarantee that William goes after him; he needs to stand his ground and help his fellow Side calm down, before he does something he’ll most certainly regret by tomorrow morning. “You need to calm down, Billy,” Deceit orders, tone firm and unyielding, as that’s what he believes William needs right now; an authority figure to tell him to shut up and just listen. “You’re getting out of hand, and I don’t want you doing anything rash.”

“Rash? You wanna see fucking  _ rash?”  _ William growls outright at Deceit, and are his eyes glowing behind his sunglasses? Deceit can’t tell, but if they are, he thinks they’re glowing dark orange. “I’ll kick your _ shit in, _ you piece of-”

Before William can finish the threat and attack him, Deceit does something fairly stupid, but necessary; he hugs William with all his might, pinning the teenager’s arms in the hold. As expected, William begins to thrash around like a wild animal, not about to let himself be put in a man-made straight jacket, but Deceit doesn’t give him any leeway, his grasp ironclad and resolute. After several minutes of squirming, William resorts to screaming and yelling, wanting nothing more than to beat on his fellow Side. Deceit still doesn’t let him go, ignoring the newfound pain in his ears caused by William’s wailing. Offhandedly, in the midst of the teenager’s tantrum, Deceit looks over and sees Romulus standing in the doorway, the creative Side’s expression one of both terror and concern. Looking closer, Deceit sees that Logan and Patton are up too, with Patton holding a frightened looking Conroy to his chest. Romulus has everyone stand behind him, acting as a barrier between them and the living room, which Deceit appreciates; William doesn’t need anyone else getting in the middle of this.

After a long while of screaming, William finally begins to tire himself out, his shouts coming out hoarse and uneasy, though he keeps up with the cursing and threats a bit longer, determined still to start his sought after fight. Deceit gives him no such thing, his hold softening just enough so he can begin rubbing William’s back, wanting to further calm the teen down. It works fairly well, William quieting to a mere murmur, the sounds coming out of his mouth sloppy and incoherent. Pulling back a little, Deceit examines William’s face, his heart feeling heavy and sick when he sees how the lazier Side is doing. William looks absolutely  _ exhausted, _ all of the fight leaving his bones, abandoning him with just his usual fatigue to keep him together. It hits pretty fast, so fast in fact that William’s legs give out on him, but Deceit holds him up, not allowing the other Side to fall to the floor. Recognizing that the worst of it is likely over, Romulus comes over to help, assisting Deceit in picking William up and laying him down on the couch. All William does is cry in silence, his sunglasses having fallen off at some point, leaving his eyes unguarded to the outside world, and still glowing with a faint apricot color.

“Easy now, Will,” Romulus whispers, taking over for Deceit since he dealt with the hardest part already. “It’s okay now… just rest, the fight is over, and you deserve to rest.”

“No I don’t,” William is sluggish in his response, his sobbing continuing on as his breath hitches, the guilt and pain weighing down on him. “I’m fuckin’  _ worthless…  _ I just wanna fucking die, this hurts so bad.”

“Don't say things like that,” Romulus won’t stand for it, kneeling on the floor so he’s more or less face to face with William, giving him the perfect opportunity to brush his fingers through the slightly younger Side’s hair. “Just close your eyes, William… let yourself get the rest you need.”

William looks ready to protest some more, but a yawn cuts him off, so he doesn’t bother. Within a few seconds, the teenager is out cold, finally finding some peace after his emotional episode. There’s a collective sigh of relief at the sight, everyone just glad that it’s over. “Excuse me for being so direct, but what exactly happened here?” Logan doesn’t let the silence last, determined to get an explanation for what just occurred.

Deceit keeps his mouth shut tight, determined to keep his word, so Romulus takes over, having overheard enough of the argument to get the picture. “William isn’t  _ just  _ Procrastination… he’s something else as well,” Romulus explains, eyes still on William, his feelings towards him conflicted, as he’s never much liked the lazy Side for his contributions to Thomas, but… well, he isn’t heartless. “By all accounts, it seems as though William has taken on the duties of a Side representing Justice.”

“Justice?” Patton repeats, confused by the king’s explanation. “How can he be  _ Justice? _ Why does Thomas even  _ need  _ someone to represent that? Shouldn’t something like that be a part of  _ you, _ Romulus?”

“Not quite,” Romulus says, not all that shy about admitting such a thing, despite his obsession with royalty and fairytales. “I’m Thomas’s Creativity and Ego… I don’t believe I encompass Justice as well. I certainly idolize the idea of justice being served, but just because I believe in it does not mean I control it.”

“But why on earth would  _ Billy  _ become Justice? Does this mean he isn’t Procrastination anymore?” Patton asks, his confusion only continuing to grow.

“He’ll  _ always  _ be Procrastination,” Deceit assures, finally adding into the conversation. Deep down, he hopes that what he’s saying is the truth; after all, William seemed very afraid of losing that part of himself. “Now he just… has  _ more  _ to him.”

“Fascinating,” Logan says, looking about ready to examine William like a lab rat. “I’ve never considered something like this to be possible… it’s interesting to think that a Side could encompass two incredibly different aspects of one’s personality!”

“Don’t treat him like an experiment, Logic,” Deceit warns, suddenly feeling protective over William, which is a bit odd for him, but to hell with it, he’s dealt with weirder. “No matter what has happened, William will always be himself, and we can figure it out as we progress… for now, it’s best we all return to our beds and get some rest. Tomorrow, leave William alone; he’s just as clueless as the rest of us in this matter.” That’s a bit of a lie, as Deceit has a feeling William knows himself better than that, but he’ll spare the kid a break through one of his usual lies.

“Is Billy gonna be okay though?” Conroy asks, finally speaking up. He’s crying a little still, dark tears dripping down his pale face, which has caused the tiniest of black droplets to appear in the corners of Patton’s eyes as well.

Patton speaks before Deceit has the chance to. “Of course he’ll be okay, kiddo… Billy’s just not feeling good, that’s all!”

Deceit glowers at Patton, not appreciating his explanation for Conroy. “Don’t lie to him, Morality,” He warns, which is pretty ironic, considering he’s the one who lies the most often. He softens however as he locks eyes with Conroy, wanting nothing more than to call him his son, but he’ll settle for just being as kind as possible to him. “No need to fret, Conroy… Billy will be better in time, he’s simply trying to figure himself out, and that’s very hard for him to do right now.”

Conroy simply nods, before letting out a mighty yawn, causing Patton to smirk. “I oughta get this lil’ kitten back to beddy bye… goodnight, kids! See you all in the morning!” He quickly walks back towards Conroy’s bedroom, intent on putting the child back to bed.

Logan nods in agreement to Patton’s plan. “I’ll return to bed as well… it’s not healthy for all of Thomas’s Sides to be awake this late at night. Nonetheless, I expect everyone but William and Conroy to be awake at seven o’clock sharp, understand? Goodnight.” He follows after Patton, not giving anyone enough time to respond to his orders.

Romulus groans outright. “If he thinks I’m getting up that early, he’s dead wrong,” He says, but he still offers Deceit up a small smirk. “Rest well, darling… you’ve had a long night, and you need just as much rest as poor William does.”

After the king walks off, Deceit stays put awhile longer, unable to take his eyes off of William. Soon enough, the dishonest Side breaks his gaze, if only to find William’s misplaced sunglasses. He finds them on the floor, which doesn’t surprise him, seeing as the typically lazy Side was struggling like a feral cat earlier. With a huff, Deceit sets William’s sunglasses on the coffee table, placing them in such a way that William will easily be able to find them when he wakes up tomorrow morning. Deceit knows he oughta put William in his own room, but seeing as he’s already tired and William’s bedroom typically induces great fatigue… yeah, the kid will be just fine sleeping on the couch tonight. Quietly, Deceit takes one of the many throw blankets in the den and tucks it around William, before finally retreating back to his room, his heart still overcome with empathetic sadness for the teenage Side. What is it like to be filled with overwhelming fatigue and an insatiable desire to fight the good fight at the same time? Deceit considers himself lucky that he’ll never really know. For now, he’ll settle for getting a good night’s sleep, so that he may be ready for whatever his roommates throw at him next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some people probably saw it coming, but I hope at least ONE person was surprised by the Justice reveal. I got the idea from my sister, who thought that if Thomas DOES have a Wrath/Anger Side, he may have originally been named Justice. That’s not exactly what’s happening here, but Billy definitely represents more things than any of the other Sides expected… he’s more or less the physical manifestation of executive dysfunction (at least, from what I’ve seen of people talking about it online). I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, see y’all next time! Please comment if you liked it, I’d be so very grateful (plus I’m always up for answering questions/discussing theories or ideas)!


	4. It Gets Bad Before it Gets Worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me when I first made the Google Doc for this chapter: This chapter of PA is gonna have Romulus and Deceit’s date and it’s gonna be cute and fluffy with just a pinch of angst!  
Me two days later: What if I just dedicated this entire chapter to angst, hurt/comfort, and hints that shit’s gonna hit the fan soon?
> 
> I hope y’all like to suffer because that’s a majority of this chapter and I’m not even sorry for it. BTW, sorry for being gone for so long; my job has been keeping me REALLY busy, and it’s been hard to find as much time to write anymore. Hopefully the next chapter will come sooner rather than later after this!

When morning comes, Deceit is the first person to start wandering the palace; this is mostly because he never fell asleep to begin with.

As he’s failed in waking his son up first before Patton in the last few days, Deceit goes to Conroy’s room first, intent on making things right. Inside the softly lit bedroom, Conroy looks perfectly content in his little bed, curled in on himself with his mouth half open, Charlie held tightly in his thin arms. Offhandedly, Deceit can’t help but smile fondly at the sight, feeling nostalgic for the time he spent alone with his son… at least he can recreate it now, even if it’s only for a few short hours. With all the precision and silence of a cobra approaching what it senses to be dangerous, Deceit tiptoes across the room, moving towards Conroy’s dresser to get the boy a change of clothes before waking him. In the meantime, the child stirs at the sound of movement, his heightened senses taking note of a newcomer in his domain. Slowly, Conroy sits up in bed, fitfully rubbing at his eyes as he yawns, collecting himself before addressing the other Side in his room. Deceit doesn’t press the boy to talk too soon, instead keeping himself busy by retrieving a black pullover hoodie, a yellow t-shirt, and a pair of black sweatpants from Conroy’s dresser, setting them down at the foot of his child’s bed once he’s done.

“Good morning, Conroy,” Deceit greets, tone light-hearted despite how tired he feels. “And how are  _ you  _ doing today, son?”

Conroy brightens at the sound of his father’s voice, unable to keep from grinning up at the dishonest Side. “Papa!” He cheers, scrambling to stand on his bed and wrap his arms around Deceit’s neck, leaning onto the other Side for support. “You came, you came!”

Deceit simply chuckles at this. “Yes yes, it must be  _ horrible  _ to see me again,” He mutters, smiling all the while. “I thought I would make myself useful and wake you up for the morning, maybe give you some time before Morality starts smothering you with attention.”

Conroy nods in agreement, relieved to be getting some time to breathe. “Thank you, Papa!” He says, coming to cling onto Deceit like a koala, arms wrapping around the older man’s neck. After a few more seconds of cuddling, Conroy pulls back a bit, eyebrows furrowed together as he locks eyes with his mentor. “Um… Papa, may I please ask you something?” He requests, half scared Deceit will tell him no.

Deceit’s tempted to do just that, but considering how hard life’s been on Conroy lately… the least he owes the kid is answers; besides, he really oughta encourage him to be polite. “Of course you may, son,” He agrees, trying to keep from sounding in any way irritated. “You can ask me anything you’d like.”

Conroy pulls a face, still giving Deceit a weary look. “…Is that a yes? Or is it hard to say the truth again?” He asks, aware that Deceit tends to struggle with telling the truth.

“It might be,” As usual, Deceit struggles with giving a straight answer, but he tries his best for his young ward. “Just ask what you need to, and we’ll see if I can answer.”

Conroy finally eases up a little, letting go of Deceit to sit on his bed, quick to begin fiddling nervously with his stuffed spider. “So, um… why did you make me call Patton Daddy? I thought  _ the king  _ was my Daddy.”

Deceit sighs, taking a seat beside his child. “…I  _ had to, _ son,” He’s as honest as he can be, his throat feeling itchy as a result, but he fights past the pain. “Unfortunately, with Morality and Logic now being more involved in your life, we can’t be as closely bonded as we once were… when we’re alone, or only around the king and William, we can be a father and son again, but in front of the others… as far as they should be able to tell, we’re complete strangers,” He turns to Conroy, fixing the boy with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry to put you in this position, son. As I’ve said before, it was never my intention to make your life harder, but if I hadn’t brought you to them… they would have taken you by  _ force, _ and then we wouldn’t be allowed to see each other  _ at all,”  _ He picks Conroy up, sitting the younger Side on his knee. “Seeing as that’s the case, you need to continue doing whatever Morality and Logic say, even if it makes you uncomfortable. I know it’s hard, but we all need to do our part in surviving. Someday I hope to give you your freedom back, but you need to be good for me until then, alright? More than that; you need to be  _ perfect  _ for  _ them. _ Can you do that, Conroy? Please, for Papa?”

Conroy’s eyes are full of tears, but he nods nonetheless, hugging Charlie tighter as he lays his head against Deceit’s chest. “I'll… I’ll  _ try,  _ Papa,” He mumbles, voice wet and shaky. “I’ll be perfect for them… even if it’s  _ really  _ hard.”

“I know you can do it,” Deceit assures, unable to keep from smiling. “You’re already so smart, son… you just have to stay ten steps ahead of them, and you’ll never feel cornered again.”

“How do I do  _ that?” _ Deceit’s attempt at reassurance confuses Conroy, the child not understanding what exactly his father means by that piece of advice. “How am I supposed to be smarter than  _ Logan?  _ He’s almost as smart as  _ you,  _ Papa!”

Again, Deceit’s smirking, almost wishing Logan were here to hear the compliment. “It’s more about being smarter than  _ Morality, _ and appearing innocent in front of Logic, which I believe you’re  _ more  _ than capable of doing. You just need to  _ try, _ Conroy.”

“I’ll… okay,” Conroy is obviously still conflicted, but he tries to accept Deceit’s explanation nonetheless. “But I can be myself around you, Billy, and my  _ real  _ Daddy, right?”

“Of  _ course  _ you can, son,” Deceit says, even when he’s so very tempted to lie. “It’s all a matter of making sure it’s the right place and time, that’s all.”

Conroy nods again, comforted by the promise of future reprieve. With his child less anxious than he was before, Deceit goes about helping the boy get dressed, making a point out of combing Conroy’s unruly hair before he can run off. Once he’s ready for the day, Conroy dashes to his toybox, quick to begin fiddling with a box of Legos while he waits to be let out of his room. Internally, Deceit feels his own heart grow conflicted, both because he’s in Conroy’s bedroom, which oftentimes leaves him feeling drained and uneasy, and because this scene is all too familiar to the dishonest Side. It feels like only yesterday everything was perfect, and all he and his son had to worry about was staying out of sight and keeping to themselves, which wasn’t all that hard, considering Deceit’s contentment with privacy and Conroy’s love of silence. Had it not been for Romulus and William’s damned meddling, Deceit’s fairly certain that he could’ve hidden Conroy until he was at least a teenager. But that opportunity has long since passed, and whether Deceit likes it or not, Conroy is now officially a part of Patton and Logan’s lives… now he just needs to adapt, and figure out how to make things right again.

Just as Deceit is ready to tell Conroy to put his toys away, as it’s almost time for breakfast, the child’s door swings open, Patton standing in the doorway. “Good morning, Co-” He pauses mid-sentence, raising an eyebrow when he sees Deceit. “Oh, um… hi, Dee,” He says, tone somewhat hesitant. “What’re you doing in Connie’s room?”

Deceit shrugs, resisting the urge to smirk with satisfaction, as Patton seems disappointed that it’s not  _ him  _ waking Conroy up today. “I thought I’d save you some trouble and get the boy ready for the day, considering how much sleep you must’ve lost last night.” It’s easy for Deceit to lie, especially to Patton, who almost never catches him in the act.

Patton still seems uncomfortable, but he pastes on a fake, happy smile in no time flat. “Oh, uh…  _ okay!  _ Yeah, that’s awesome! Thanks, Dee,” He keeps up the act, turning to look at Conroy, but again he’s set off balance, bothered by something regarding his child.  _ “Oh… _ hey, um, Dimitri?” He gives Deceit a weak smile, eyes full of disappointment. “I try to dress Connie up in  _ brighter colors, _ okay? I don’t want him feeling sad ‘cus his clothes are gloomy!”

“But I-” Conroy goes to say something, but after glancing at Deceit, he clams up, losing his nerve in an instant. “Whatever you say, Daddy.” He murmurs, looking away from both of the older Sides.

Patton frowns at that, picking up on the fact that something’s wrong here. “It’s okay if you like darker clothes, Connie,” He promises, coming to crouch in front of the little boy. “Do you like what Uncle Dimitri put you in? Ya know, you look  _ very  _ cute in black! Would you rather wear darker clothes today, baby boy?”

Conroy looks anywhere but directly at Patton, his hands sliding into his hoodie pocket to hide his fidgeting. “Whatever you want me to wear, I’ll wear, Daddy.” He repeats, and although he’s fighting very hard to keep from making a scene, there are tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Patton frowns outright, tilting his head in confusion at Conroy. “Connie… it’s  _ okay  _ to do things that you wanna do, alright? There’s absolutely  _ nothing  _ wrong with being yourself; you don’t have to be perfect for Daddy.”

“He’s just trying to be well-behaved, I’m sure,” Deceit swoops in to rescue his son, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from outwardly panicking, as Patton is unintentionally contradicting the lesson Deceit  _ just _ taught his ward. “Considering how long Paranoia was on his own, it only makes sense that he’d want to be as good for you as possible; just let him please you, and I’m sure he’ll gain some independence over time.”

Patton glances between Deceit and Conroy a few times, absorbing the information, before pulling Conroy into a tight hug, not registering the way the boy immediately goes still. “Aw,  _ Conroy…  _ I’m  _ so _ sorry, sweetheart,” He whispers, even coming to kiss Conroy’s forehead in reassurance. “Daddy didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable; he just wants you to be happy, that’s all.”

The tears are finally falling for Conroy, but he hides it by pressing his face against Patton’s shoulder. “I’m happy when  _ you’re  _ happy,” He lies, voice weak with anxiety. “I love you, Daddy… I  _ promise.” _

“I know you do, baby,” Patton assures, flashing Deceit a weary smile from over Conroy’s shoulder. “Thanks for trying to help me out, Dee; honestly, you’ve been the bestest friend a Side could ask for lately,” He stands, picking up Conroy as he does so. “I think I can take care of things from here, though… why not get some more rest, buddy? You look  _ really _ tired.”

Deceit hesitates, catching a glance into Conroy’s eyes, the boy’s gaze begging him to stay, to not abandon him anymore, but the dishonest Side feels as though he has no choice but to leave him again. Stiffly, he nods, mouthing a small  _ ‘sorry’ _ at Conroy when Patton isn’t looking. “Of course, of course… I needn’t get in-between a father and his son,” He points out, ignoring the fact that more tears are now running down Conroy’s cheeks. “Have a pleasant morning, Paranoia.”

Conroy’s eyes widen at that, shocked his father would call him anything but the name the king so lovingly gave him. “Silly Dimitri!” Patton laughs, shaking his head at Deceit’s behavior. He gives Conroy an apologetic smile, ruffling the kid’s hair. “Don’t mind him, Connie; Dee’s really bad about calling people by their names! Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll remember to call you Conroy more over time!”

“Sure,” Deceit tries to come off as uninterested and rude, as if he could give less of a shit about his son… he can only hope Conroy won’t take this too personally, and will understand that his father is only acting. “Again, have a pleasant day, you two… I’ll see you at breakfast.” With that, he strides off, ignoring the way Conroy’s eyes linger on him as he shuffles out the door.

* * *

Over the next few days, everyone in the mind palace gives William a wide berth of wiggle room, half scared that any miscommunication could cause the teenager to attack someone. Deceit can’t say he agrees with this line of thinking, as he’s worried that isolation will damage William’s already delicate balance, but he’s also too afraid of getting hurt to do anything about it. Even with everyone avoiding him, William acts as though nothing has changed, likely just to save face. Regardless, the tightrope act of evasion continues. Life goes on as normal, and with Conroy now beginning to adjust to life with the other Sides, things seem to chill out within the next week, most everyone going back to their usual habits and routines. Logan continues keeping Thomas up to date on his schoolwork and assigned reading, Patton dotes on Conroy while keeping the palace tidy and it’s occupants fed, Romulus overindulges in his make-believe games while decorating the palace’s walls, William plays his video games and keeps beating his high scores, and Deceit… well, he’s trying his best to keep Thomas out of harm’s way, but he’s finding it harder and harder with every passing day…  _ especially  _ today.

“Detention!?” Patton shouts, eyes wide in surprise as he hugs Conroy closer to himself. “How on earth did Thomas get  _ detention!?” _

“He earned himself detention because he was caught skipping class,” Logan explains, giving Deceit a rather vicious glare, even though the dishonest Side has been trying to stay out of this one. “I hope you have a good explanation for this, Deceit.” He says, convinced this is his fault.

“Who says  _ I  _ had anything to do with Thomas getting detention, Logic?” Deceit asks, not even gracing his fellow Side with a glance, his eyes still locked onto his book. “Who says this isn’t  _ your  _ fault? Getting tired of doing your _ job, _ Logic? Such a shame, I had such  _ high  _ hopes for you.”

“Deceit,” Logan growls, the ruler in his hands bending so much that Deceit’s pretty sure it’s going to snap at any second. “I  _ know  _ you’re the one behind this! Had I been aware of what you were up to, Thomas would have gone straight to class instead of skipping! What exactly was he doing out of class to begin with? I’d  _ love  _ to know.”

“Logan, you shouldn’t go blaming Deceit for everything that goes wrong,” Patton says, sending Deceit a sympathetic smile; he’s taken to defending him more, seeing as he thinks the lying Side is responsible for bringing him his child. “Maybe  _ no one _ was paying attention? That could’ve been it! Silly Thomas, he must’ve gotten lost or something! The middle school is so  _ big  _ compared to our old elementary school, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is all a simple misunderstanding!”

Logan continues fuming, glaring daggers at Deceit, which gets a long sigh out of his fellow Side. Although things have more or less gone back to normal in the mind palace, Logan’s had it in for Deceit ever since their last argument, resulting in confrontations such as this. Were he a little more inclined to imagine the logical Side as being mischievous, Deceit would consider their current predicament as a set-up by Logan to get him in hot water with everyone else. Then again, Logan takes Thomas’s education  _ very  _ seriously, so Deceit rules that possibility out, aware that the smarter Side wouldn’t want to endanger their boy out of petty revenge. Which begs the question; why was Thomas skipping class? Deceit sure as hell didn’t make him do it, or else he’d want to take credit for it, seeing as he’s always wanted to see what detention is like. Maybe someone else did this? Deceit knows another Side probably influenced Thomas to skip class, otherwise the well-behaved preteen never would’ve done so. Glancing around the room, Deceit tries to see if anyone’s visibly squirming or uncomfortable, but save for Conroy’s usual unease, everyone seems more or less fine… so who did this?

Just as Deceit is ready to lay into Logan for an explanation, the king himself comes strolling into the living room, garnering everyone’s immediate attention. “You’re  _ all  _ wrong,” Romulus states, having heard everything. “It’s  _ my  _ fault Thomas skipped class and got detention.”

Deceit is startled by this, so much so that he and Logan exchange a nervous look, both unable to imagine the king acting out in such a way. “Um… why did you have Thomas get in trouble, Romulus?” Logan eventually asks, the question coming out awkwardly due to his disbelief.

Romulus shrugs halfheartedly. “School has been boring lately, and the next class was my least favorite, so… I decided that Thomas should skip it,” He averts his eyes, but he doesn’t seem too guilt-ridden over his impulsive decision. “I made sure he had a lot of fun, seeing as I had him go play in the theatre while it was empty… it was nice, getting to play pretend; we haven’t in a long time now.”

“Do you  _ not  _ want Thomas to try out for Theatre, your majesty?” Deceit asks in his own, special way, having a feeling that this is something Romulus _really_ wants. “Because you easily  _ couldn’t  _ have said so.”

“We can’t participate in  _ Theatre!”  _ Logan argues, angry all over again. “Although it may be enjoyable for  _ some  _ of you, we have a lot of work to do in school, and we don’t have time for any other extracurriculars!”

“Then  _ make  _ time, Logic,” Deceit orders, tone firm. “The King and I have been anxious as of the last several months, and considering Thomas’s other interests, I believe it would only be beneficial to enroll in something he’s passionate about.”

“That’s not-” Logan tries to keep it going, but he gets cut off.

“-Jesus, dude, just let Thomas do what  _ he  _ wants with his spare time!” William argues, causing everyone to jump; they thought he’d been taking one of his usual naps on the couch, but it seems like their arguing woke him up. “Look, Logs, do you  _ want  _ Tommy to get depression? Do you want him to be fucking miserable? Because you being a tight-ass is going to cause that; he wants to be a performer, so freakin’ let him! For Christ’s sake, it’s not like he’s gonna be hurting anyone by having some fun!” He glares daggers at the logical Side, practically  _ daring  _ Logan to give him a counterargument.

Logan takes a minute to breathe, and although he doesn’t always see eye to eye with the uptight Side, Deceit does indeed feel bad for him. Their jobs aren’t exactly the same, but both Deceit and Logan are well versed in acting as the de facto taskmasters of the mind palace, made to keep the others in line when they get out of hand. Patton gets over emotional and makes Thomas have a meltdown? Logan has to calm him down and convince him that everything will be okay. William makes Thomas pull an allnighter for the sake of trying to beat a video game? Deceit has to convince him to lie down and sleep so he can get Thomas to rest, too. It’s hard, and it’s often a thankless job, but they both take their roles very seriously, resulting in moments like this, where they just can’t  _ bear  _ to give in. Deceit knows all too much what that’s like, seeing as he was in such a state about Conroy for over a month, and eventually he had to be talked down by Romulus and William. This isn’t  _ quite  _ the same thing, but the indignation and stubbornness is all too familiar, and seeing as no one else is really equipped to put their taskmaster at ease, Deceit knows it’s up to  _ him  _ to get Logan to see reason… how ironic.

“Please listen to me, Logic,” Deceit requests, mentally schooling his tongue not to fight with him as he tries to walk the other Side through this. “I understand that Romulus’s way of bringing this to our attention was quite disruptive, but it had to be done. As I’m sure you can tell, Thomas is a very talented and intelligent individual, and we all know that no matter what he decides to do with his life, he’ll be amazing at it. Besides, what if this is just a phase? Let Thomas embrace it, and he may come out of this with an even greater love for scholarly pursuits than ever before! Wouldn’t that be  _ wonderful?  _ To see our boy be passionate about something? Please, Logan, there’s no need to fight over this… we can compromise, can’t we?” He looks around the room, gauging everyone’s reactions to his little speech.

“So long as Thomas is safe, I’m happy,” Conroy says, not meeting his father figure’s eyes. “But I’m, uh, kinda scared of bein’ stared at by people… and of performing for the school.”

“It’ll be  _ fun, _ kiddo!” Patton promises, kissing Conroy’s forehead. “I know it may  _ seem  _ kinda scary, but we’ll all work together to make sure Thomas will be okay!”

“I just want Thomas to have something fun to do on the weekends!” Romulus insists, looking giddy with excitement. “Come now, Logan, this is the opportunity of a  _ lifetime! _ We’ll all be in the spotlight, and we’ll have the chance to show how talented we all are!”

It takes a minute for William to add in his two cents, as he’s still pretty exhausted, but eventually he gets what he wants to say out. “Just don’t make Thomas do anything he doesn’t wanna do, okay? That’s the  _ one  _ fuckin’ thing my mind can make itself up on.” He crosses his arms afterwards, his frustration with himself obvious.

Deceit smiles at him for that, glad that William is still able to function despite his rather unique new issues. “You  _ see, _ Logic?” He looks to Logan again, trying very hard not to come off as arrogant for once, though he knows it’s hard to turn that off. “Everyone more or less wants the same thing, which is what’s  _ best  _ for Thomas, and what’s  _ best  _ for him is what he  _ wants.” _

Logan bites his lip, glancing hesitantly between the other Sides. Finally, he bows his head, accepting his defeat. “Very well,” He says, eyes full of guilt for getting upset. “I’m sorry for getting so angry with everyone, it’s just…” He trails off a little, appearing conflicted. “I don’t  _ like  _ seeing Thomas get in trouble at school… it makes me feel as if I’m not doing my job properly, and that’s very stressful to try and deal with,” He meets Romulus’s eyes as he says this, and although he’s indeed giving in, it’s clear he’s still frustrated that they got into trouble to begin with. “Please, Romulus, don’t let this happen again… I understand that it’s difficult for you to sit still during class, but Thomas is enrolled in public education, which he must finish if he wants to succeed in life. We can look into doing  _ some  _ form of theatrics, but we first need to be doing well in school, or else Thomas’s parents will never let us participate in any extracurricular activities.”

Romulus takes well to that. “I understand, Logan,” He promises, bowing with a wave of his cape to the more logical Side. “It won’t happen again, I promise. I’m sorry for not telling you all of my interests sooner, but I will try to do so in the future.”

“Good,” Logan nods, still taking a few deep breaths to try and chill out. “Moving on, and as I was trying to say earlier, Thomas is going to have detention after school on Friday. He’ll be permitted to do schoolwork during this time, so I’ll stay active in order to help with that; the rest of you are free to do whatever you want, so long as it doesn’t distract Thomas or get him in trouble.”

“Sweet, a free day,” William says, letting out a mighty yawn. “Sounds like the perfect time for a nap, dude!”

“Please do that; I don’t want you distracting Thomas with thoughts of video games,” Logan admits, adjusting his glasses. “Does anyone have any questions?”

Conroy raises his hand, careful not to smack Patton’s face when doing so. “Um… are we gonna get hurt in detention? What if they hit Thomas for bein’ bad?” He shivers in fear, his paranoid delusions causing him to jump to the worst possible conclusion.

Logan takes it all in relative stride. “No need to worry, Conroy,” He assures, making his voice a little softer for the younger Side. “Although Thomas’s parents and teachers are likely displeased by him skipping class, he will not be in any way harmed by those around him.”

“Thomas’s parents would  _ never  _ hit him, Connie!” Patton adds, snuggling Conroy to try and make the child feel better. “Just like how  _ we  _ would never hurt  _ you!” _

Conroy stiffens at the coddling, squirming in place, but otherwise doesn’t argue, simply crossing his arms and huffing. “Will that be all?” Logan asks, double-checking just to be safe. When no one answers, he nods stiffly in agreement. “Very good; I’ll see you all at dinner tonight.” With that, he hurries off to his room, likely to decompress and sort out his troublesome feelings.

“I should get started on that soon,” Patton says, giving Conroy a little smirk. “Wanna help Daddy with dinner, kiddo? We can put on some tunes and have a little dance party!”

“Sure, Daddy.” Conroy agrees, and although Patton doesn’t seem to notice, Deceit can tell his son isn’t looking forward to even  _ more  _ physical affection.

“Actually, Patton,” Deceit cuts in, wanting nothing more than just a  _ little  _ alone time with his son, especially since he hasn’t been able to get any one on one time with Conroy since he went to wake him up a few days ago. “May  _ I  _ please spend some time with Paranoia before dinner? I know you  _ love  _ having time with your son, but I, um…” He hesitates, struggling to come up with an excuse.

Romulus jumps at the opportunity to help his best friend and his child. “Dimitri and I want to play dress-up with him!” He explains, his grin trustworthy and sweet. “We promise to bring him back in an absolutely  _ precious  _ outfit, Patton!”

Patton smiles at that, though he seems a bit disappointed to be giving up his child, even if it’s only for an hour or so. “Okey dokey, then!” He says, but stops to lock eyes with Conroy. “Will that be okay with you, baby boy? I know you tend you get pretty jumpy when you experience new things…”

“Yep!” Conroy assures, grinning from ear to ear now that he’s getting a break from his caretaker for a little while. “I love you, Daddy! See you at dinner!” He kisses the man’s cheek out of habit, continuing to keep up the act of an obedient and innocent little boy.

“Aww, such a charmer!” Patton coos, kissing Conroy on the forehead in turn. He then goes to hand Conroy to Romulus, only for Deceit to grab him first, snatching the boy out of his hands almost violently. “Whoa, careful there, Dee! You’ve gotta be gentle with our little guy, okay?”

“Of course, of course,” Deceit waves him off, eyes solely on Conroy as he holds him out in front of himself, looking the kid over before hugging him close to his chest, a deep sigh leaving his throat as a result. “There we are, son; back where you belong.” He whispers, too quiet for Patton to hear him.

“Looks like you boys have got him handled,” Patton says, hands on his hips as he nods to the other two Sides. “Take good care of my anxious little baby, okay? I don’t wanna be without him ever again.” There’s a slight desperation in his tone, but it’s subtle enough that anyone who doesn’t know him well enough would miss it.

Romulus smiles back at him, trying to put his friend at ease with a pat on the shoulder. “We’ll be  _ very  _ careful with him, Patton… just you wait, we’ll bring him back in better spirits than ever before! And he’ll look cute as a button to boot!”

“I’m counting on it!” Patton waves to Conroy, making for the kitchen as he does so; he may be a bit oblivious sometimes, but even  _ he  _ knows that his goodbyes are way too long. “Bye bye, Connie! Be a good boy for your uncles!”

Conroy pulls a face at that, and Deceit can practically  _ hear  _ the boy’s internal monologue.  _ “Yeah right; the only uncle here is YOU,” _ But even if he’s more or less home free now, the child still offers a smile to his caretaker. “Bye bye, Daddy!” He says in response, before burying his face against Deceit’s shoulder to keep from talking anymore.

Romulus goes to open his mouth and keep the goodbyes going, but in an act of desperation for this to finally be over with, Deceit grabs his hand and more or less drags the king out of the living room. On their way out, William sends them a sultry wink, to which Deceit just flips him the bird, the dishonest Side rolling his eyes at William’s usual childish behavior. Romulus just chuckles at all of this, not fighting it as he’s dragged through the mind palace, letting his partner in crime lead him back towards his bedroom. Deceit doesn’t bother trying to keep up a conversation on their way to safety, wanting to wait until they’re somewhere private before he talks, just in case they discuss Conroy’s past with them as his parents. At long last, they make it to Deceit’s room without incident, much to all of their collective relief, as none of them are really in the mood to argue or talk with the other Sides; they just need some time with only the three of them again. Stepping into the bedroom, Deceit immediately sets Conroy down, watching as the puny Side shakes himself off like a stray cat, more than a little excited to be given room to move of his own accord again. As this happens, Deceit glances towards Romulus, startled to see that the king appears upset, wearing a depressed frown on his face.

“Goddammit,” Romulus curses, much to Deceit’s shock, as he’s not accustomed to the king swearing all that often, at least compared to him and William. “You know, I was hoping that after he was introduced to the others, our prince would feel less depressed… but if anything, he seems more stressed than ever before.”

“William shares the same sentiment,” Deceit says, unable to keep the slightest bit of anger out of his tone. “You know, if it hadn’t been for you two acting so damn self-righteous, none of this would be happening to Conroy.”

Romulus spares his friend a glare for that one. “As if being completely isolated was going to be any better for him,” He then sighs, giving Conroy another mournful look. “Hopefully Patton will calm down over the next few weeks… I can’t imagine all this attention is good for the poor lad.”

“I hate how much he wants to grab me,” Conroy admits, catching both of his fathers off guard. When they glance down to look at him, they see that Conroy has his arms crossed, an irritated look on his youthful face. He looks between very hesitantly, something obviously bothering him, and despite what the boy just said, Deceit has a feeling this isn’t going to be about how much Patton holds him. “Daddy, Papa, may I please be honest ‘bout somethin’?” Conroy requests, as courteous as ever thanks to the king’s lessons to him on manners.

“Of course you may, my Conroy,” Romulus assures, not giving Deceit the chance to say otherwise. “Anything you need to say, feel free to.”

“Okay, well…” Conroy hesitates again, his eyes lingering on Deceit in particular, a fearful look in his irises. “Papa… can you  _ promise  _ not be angry?  _ Please?” _

Deceit bites his lip, uncomfortable with the question. “Now, Conroy… you  _ know  _ promises aren’t my strong suit.” He warns, which isn’t even a lie; as far as Deceit can tell, making a promise is literally impossible for him, at least up until this point in time. He wishes this weren’t the case, seeing as Romulus and Conroy really like giving promises, but he just can’t manage it out loud.

Conroy pulls a face, unhappy with his father’s response. “Just… please, Papa, don’t be mad at me,” He practically begs, before taking a deep breath and finally speaking his mind. “The truth is… everything feels really  _ weird  _ right now. I know Patton and Logan are ‘sposed to be bad and mean, and yeah, Patton’s really touchy, but Logan… he doesn’t seem so bad. Sure, he gets mad a whole lot, but he doesn’t yell at me like I thought he would,” Slowly, he meets Deceit’s gaze, his eyes brimming with tears. “Papa… are Patton and Logan  _ really  _ bad? Or were you lying again? Please, just tell me, ‘cus I keep feelin’ really sick and guilty, and I gotta know if I deserve to or not.”

Romulus and Deceit exchange a brief glance, the king taking initiative by asking more questions. “Conroy, can you describe  _ why  _ you feel guilty? Is it because you want to trust Logan and Patton?”

Conroy gives a swift nod. “Yeah,” He agrees, swallowing around a lump in his throat. “I know that Papa says they’re both evil, and that they wanna hurt me, but… they don’t  _ seem  _ all that awful, Daddy. They’re actually  _ really  _ nice, even though I don’t deserve it.”

Deceit feels  _ so  _ uncomfortable, his thoughts conflicted. Were Romulus not here, he would repeat his usual lesson to Conroy, reaffirming that the others are bad, but with the king here and giving him such a  _ look…  _ all at once, Deceit is filled with the urge to eat a brick, as that would most certainly be more pleasant than being in this situation. “Conroy,” The dishonest Side stares at his son, tongue heavy in his mouth, unsure of what to say… what  _ can  _ he say, really? He’s dug himself into the deepest hole imaginable, with no ladder or rope long enough to get him out, and now he’s expected to just, what? Climb out? He’s stuck, and he can’t figure out when he even started to fucking  _ dig.  _ “I think you already know the answer, don’t you?” Deceit goes for what he believes is an easy way out, leaving it up to Conroy to figure out on his own.

“What your father is  _ trying  _ to say is; follow your  _ heart,  _ son,” Romulus urges, trying desperately to clean up his best friend’s mess. “Whether Patton and Logan are good people or not is up to  _ you…  _ everyone has different views on what’s good and evil; it’s up to  _ you  _ to decide what qualifies as good or bad traits in a person.”

Conroy seems to physically wilt, unhappy with both men’s answers to his question.  _ “But…  _ Papa, are they good or bad? Please tell me!” He begs, getting desperate now, unable to reach a conclusion on his own, too young and inexperienced to make his own decisions yet.

Deceit quickly grows irritated, not taking well to Conroy’s continued pestering. “Listen to the king, Conroy,” He orders, tone stern and unyielding. “I’m not in the mood to debate morals with you… now, drop the subject, or you can take a nap until dinner, seeing as you want to act so rebellious tonight.”

The tears finally fall from Conroy’s eyes, the boy looking away with a huff, his mouth forming an unhappy pout. “…Okay, Papa.” He mutters, his voice absolutely heartbroken.

Again, Romulus swoops in to try and fix things. “How about we play dress-up now, my little prince? Do you want to play pretend with Daddy?” He’s already summoning up a tiny dresser from thin air, desperate to change the subject.

Conroy shrugs halfheartedly. “Sure.” He says, all the liveliness sucked right out of him, leaving him irritable and depressed, just as he is when he’s with Patton for too long.

“Conroy, please look at me,” Deceit asks, waiting until the child makes eye contact with him again to speak. “I love you, son,” He murmurs, giving his boy a sympathetic smile, trying his best to kill the tension in the air. “You know that, right? Papa loves you  _ so  _ much.”

Out of seemingly nowhere, Conroy starts sobbing, eyes squeezed shut to keep from looking at his fathers’ reactions. Immediately, Romulus crouches in front of Conroy, hands coming to rest on the boy’s cheeks.  _ “Conroy!? _ Conroy, my darling, what’s  _ wrong? _ Why are you  _ crying? _ Your Papa only said that he  _ loves  _ you, my dear, that’s all! Sweetheart, what has you in such a state!?” Romulus begs to know, deeply concerned by the explosive reaction.

Conroy just shakes his head, refusing to answer, so Romulus picks him up and hugs him close to himself, rocking the small child in an attempt to comfort him. Deceit, in the meantime, can’t stand to watch this scene play out any longer, quick to turn his back on the duo and speedwalk to his room. He can hear Romulus calling out to him from afar, telling him to come back, but Deceit refuses to, as he isn’t about to break down in front of his two greatest loves. The  _ minute  _ his bedroom door closes behind him, Deceit let’s out a loud, earth shattering sob, collapsing to his knees with only his door keeping him hidden from the outside world. No doubt the others would be able to hear him if they happened to pass by, but Deceit can’t bring himself to care, too busy having a complete and utter meltdown. Quietly, he almost wishes he was as young as Conroy, if only so he could seek out comfort without feeling like an idiot, but since this isn’t the case, he resigns himself to staying isolated. When Patton comes to get him for dinner later, he won’t answer his call, as he’ll be fast asleep on the floor, still stuck in the spot he’s found himself in, with only one, horrible thought echoing in his mind.

_ Conroy thinks he’s lying. _

* * *

Deceit doesn’t leave his room the next day, even after waking up on the floor, choosing to stay here and continue to wallow in what can only be described as self hatred. The other Sides- particularly Logan and sometimes even Patton- like to insist that Deceit is inherently selfish and self-centered, and yes, he absolutely  _ is  _ a selfish son of a bitch, but that doesn’t mean he’s all that self-absorbed. If anything, Deceit kind of hates himself, despising his role inside of Thomas, but with no other choice than to continue existing, he’s been haunted by these thoughts all his life. Conroy’s reaction to being told that he’s loved when his father was truly being honest… it makes Deceit feel like less than nothing, his depression eating away at his insides, leaving him drained and apathetic. At the same time, Deceit wishes someone would reach out to him and give him a little comfort, but no one has checked on him since he turned down dinner last night. To be fair, Romulus is still probably mad at him for what he said last night, and as William is also barely scraping by… Deceit’s on his own this time, and in all fucking honesty- which he wishes he was capable of more often- it sucks.

Some time around seven in the afternoon, about an hour after Patton’s scheduled dinnertime with the family, Deceit is still lying near motionless on his bed, having made it here a couple hours prior; it’s the only thing he’s gathered the energy to do all day. He sighs for what must be the hundredth time tonight, heart overcome with such a terrible sadness, but for the life of him, he can’t seem to dispel it. Usually the king would tell him to chin up and smile, assuring his best friend that his fellow Sides all love him, but Deceit can’t even convince himself that  _ that’s  _ true, content to do the easy thing- which is lie- and tell himself that no one will love him, not ever again… as if anyone ever did to begin with. Conroy doesn’t trust Deceit at all anymore, convinced that his papa is always lying to him, and Romulus probably hates him more than anyone else for what he’s been preaching to their son, likely blaming him for all of Conroy’s current problems, which is an accurate assumption, at least in Deceit’s opinion. Then again, he’s probably not the best source of information right now, too caught up in these thoughts to be anything but self-destructive and dishonest.

As Deceit remains still on his bed, content to lie here and rot, he hears the telltale shuffle of feet outside his bedroom door, sounding almost hesitant. A moment later, someone knocks on the door. “Um… Dim, bro, are you in there?” Oddly enough, it’s  _ William  _ that’s outside Deceit’s door, sounding less than sure of himself. “Look, I know Dad said you wanted to be alone right now, but I don’t think you’re doing okay, my dude. Rom is acting like a  _ total  _ tool, and Connie keeps crying, and… well, I’m worried about you, man. Can I come in?”

Deceit doesn’t answer right away, letting the realization that  _ William  _ of all Sides has come looking for him sink in. Why isn’t it  _ Patton  _ outside his door? Or even  _ Romulus? _ Well, Deceit already has the answers to those questions, even if he hates them. Patton’s too busy with Conroy to care about much else, and if the anxious child is truly still upset after last night… yeah, Deceit doubts the fatherly Side will want to comfort anyone else for  _ awhile. _ As for the king, he’s probably still pissed about last night as well, especially if what William said is true. Deceit bites down on a sigh, feeling even shittier with the realization that, even after removing himself from everyone, he’s still somehow making their lives worse. Is this  _ all  _ Deceit can  _ do?  _ Is his role as Thomas’s deceitfulness to only make everyone’s lives  _ harder? _ If that’s the case, then William must be here to do  _ his  _ job, too. Or, at least half of his job, so long as he’s still partially Procrastination. Has William finally accepted his new role as Justice? Is he here to beat on Deceit until he’s well and truly sorry? Although it’s a bit masochistic, Deceit almost hopes that this will be the case, his self-hatred fueling his desire to be hurt, no matter the means.

“Seriously, Dim, you’re starting to scare the shit outta me,” William speaks again after a long pause, refusing to give up just yet. “I know that everything’s hard right now, and I never seem to make it any easier, but… please, dude, let me in. Even if I can’t fix this mess, maybe we can be miserable together? God, that sounds so  _ stupid, _ but I don’t know what else to say to you. I miss you? I  _ guess? _ I don’t know, but I know that bein’ alone sucks major ass, and I don’t want you to be alone if you don’t want to be.”

Once again, Deceit finds himself hesitating, but to hell with it; maybe if he’s lucky, William will put an end to his suffering and kill him. Wordlessly, and without looking up from where he’s shoved his face into one of his pillows, he raises one of his hands and snaps his fingers, unlocking the door with an audible click. Within moments, the doorknob turns, but it seems as if Deceit isn’t the only one who’s tentative, as William freezes for a few seconds, thoughts most likely conflicted. The door is soon pushed open, though it’s painfully quiet, which shocks Deceit; even if William is getting used to be simultaneously lazy and energetic, he’s always been  _ loud, _ at least to an extent, so it’s weird to hear him being so…  _ thoughtful? _ Is that it? Once he’s inside, William shuts the door behind himself, his feet walking him over to stand by Deceit’s bedside. There’s another bout of silence, where neither man knows what to say or do, but William eventually swallows his pride and crouches by Deceit’s bed, using his folded arms as a headrest for his chin, the younger Side’s eyes roaming curiously over his peer, trying to figure out the right words to say to him. Were he not feeling so damn awful, Deceit would probably feel grateful for such attentiveness being directed towards him.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk much right now, dude,” William says, at least somewhat familiar with Deceit’s semi-frequent bouts of silence, especially after he’s had a bad day. “So I can do the talking for you, okay? You’re having a shitty day, and you don’t know how to fix it. In all honesty, I don’t either, but… you were willing to be there for me, so I’m willing to be here for you too, Dim.”

That means a lot to Deceit; it really does. Slowly, he turns his head to look at William, trying to make eye contact with the conflicted Side. To his surprise, the teen is without his signature sunglasses, making him seem almost naked to anyone who’s not used to it. Before, Deceit had been so sure that William had hazel colored eyes like Thomas, but the younger Side now has a pair of orange eyes, though it seems that he also has heterochromia. William’s left eye is a very dark, almost  _ violent  _ shade of orange, appearing nearly red at a quick glance. The other eye is a paler, softer shade of orange, looking to be pastel, or at least something close to. Not really realizing that he’s doing so, Deceit tilts his head at William, examining the teenager’s strange eye colors, to which William doesn’t bother commenting on, perfectly fine with letting the dishonest Side investigate this on his own. Upon closer examination, Deceit finally finds out where William’s sunglasses have disappeared, as they’re now resting in the mangy bush that is William’s hair, left there for some unknown reason. Is the lazy Side doing this to make Deceit feel more at ease? To show him that he isn’t alone in having heterochromia?  _ Perhaps. _

“Now you know why I don’t take my shades off,” William explains, tone nonchalant, but it’s clear he’s self conscious about his oddity. “Yeah, they started looking like this a few months ago, even before I started feelin’ weird. I thought of tellin’ Logs about it, but… you know how he can be,” He glances away for a moment, and damn, do his eyes make him look so much more  _ emotional, _ the teen no longer coming off as apathetic as he pretends to be. “Should’ve known that it was just gonna lead to more changes… but enough about my bullshit; you’ve heard enough of that to last a lifetime, dude,” He quickly dusts his vulnerability under the metaphorical carpet, before hopping onto Deceit’s bed, giving the older Side an expectant look. “Look, Dimitri… I’m sorry that I’ve been such an  _ asshole  _ lately, and I’m even sorrier that I’m  _ still  _ freaking mad at you, but I can ignore that for a little while, okay? I  _ know  _ something happened last night, after Logan got done lecturing everyone… was it something he said? Something the  _ king _ said? It’s hard to believe, I know, but if I’m gonna be Justice or whatever I am, then I’ve gotta be Justice for  _ everyone, _ and everyone includes  _ your  _ stupid ass,” He then smirks, as if he’s amused. “So… who made ya cry, my guy? Who do I have to beat the tar out of?”

Deceit’s very tempted to tell William that it’s not his job to take care of his fellow Sides, that if anything, it’s  _ Deceit’s  _ job to take care of everyone, but words are hard right now, his throat feeling too tight and full to even  _ breathe;  _ if he manages to speak, all he’s going to do is lie, and neither one of them deserves to deal with that right now. Even so, Deceit wants to assure William that he’s listening, and although it’s hard for him, he also wants to open up to someone that’s safe. He isn’t the only one feeling like an outcast, right? William’s struggling too, and if  _ anyone’s  _ going to understand Deceit right now, it’s him. With all of the slowness of an overfed lion at the zoo, Deceit points at his bedside table, trying desperately to communicate to William that he needs the notebook and pen from inside. The teen hesitates, eyeing Deceit’s hand as he tries to figure it out, but he catches up quickly enough, soon digging through the older Side’s nightstand to find what he’s looking for. Within minutes, William is setting down a notebook and pen by Deceit’s hand, taking a seat on the bed cross-legged as he awaits Deceit’s message. Still sluggish, the dishonest Side scribbles out a message, more to test it than anything else.

“[Can you read my handwriting?]” Deceit writes, before holding up the notebook to William, half scared that his handwriting is too messy to be legible.

William squints at the paper, eyes unused to everything being so bright, but he thankfully doesn’t have much trouble translating. “Yeah, man, I can read it just fine,” He promises, not bothering to communicate through the notebook when he’s still perfectly fine with speaking aloud. “If it makes you feel better, you can talk through that, okay? Are you alright with me still talking? You know my handwriting’s complete horseshit.”

Deceit gives a weak smile at that, amused by the joke. “[Yes, it’s fine if you keep talking out loud,]” He replies, continuing to write down what he wants to say. “[I’m sorry for making this so difficult for you, William.]” He uses the other Side’s preferred name, not wanting to call him Procrastination or Justice, seeing as William is still figuring himself out, and if he’s willing to put his usual antics aside in order to be kind, Deceit will do the same.

William shrugs halfheartedly. “It’s whatever, my dude,” He says, unphased by all of this. “I mean, it’s better than you closing yourself off, ya know? Believe me, that shit hurts like hell in the long run,” He pauses, face taking on a slightly red hue. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I gotta stop talking about myself before I become part Ego, too… then again, the king’s such a self-centered prick, I doubt I could compete with him,” William huffs, irritated out of seemingly nowhere. “God, you should’ve heard him this morning… he and Logan got into it, ya know. I swear, Dad just about blew a fuse when he saw them beating each other senseless, and Connie just cried and cried. I kinda wanted in on it, but with how hard they were swinging, and with Junior so freaked out…” He gulps, a glint of very real fear in his eyes. “Yeah, thanks but no thanks.”

Deceit’s face forms a frown, concern washing over him. “[Were either of them hurt?]” He asks, almost scared to know, but he’d be furious if he found out that the king got injured and that he wasn’t there to protect him.

Again, William shrugs, almost as if he’s trying to be apathetic again. “Naw, it was nothin’  _ that  _ serious… I thought Dad was gonna beat their asses with the spoon he was using to make breakfast, but he’s been trying to be sugar sweet with Connie around,” He sighs again, his own words reminding him of something else. “Dad’s been so  _ weird  _ lately, dude… I know he’s happy about havin’ a kid, but seriously, it’s been over  _ two weeks!  _ The guy’s gotta chill out at  _ some point, _ right? He can’t keep this up forever,” He falters again, face growing even  _ more  _ crimson. “Goddammit, why can’t I stay on topic? I’m sorry, I just-”

Deceit lays a hand on William’s knee, stopping him mid-sentence. With the teen temporarily silenced, the liar is quick to scribble something down before William can start rambling again. “[It’s okay, William,]” He promises through his writing, as his lying thankfully doesn’t affect his hands nearly as much as his voice. “[You’re going through a very difficult change in your role, and it would only make sense that with everything that’s going on right now, you would feel conflicted and upset. Don’t feel ashamed for being emotional, Billy.]”

William looks about ready to tear up, but as usual, he holds his emotions in, even with Deceit promising that it’s okay. “Man, you’re too freaking nice to me… never thought I’d be saying that, but it’s true.” He says, sounding amazed by this change of pace.

“[Someone needs to give in and stop acting so immature… I’m not sure if I can keep it up forever, but I can certainly try,]” Deceit is as honest as possible, wanting nothing more than to say these things out loud, but he just  _ can’t  _ right now; it’s as if someone poured concrete down his throat, and it’s already dried, leaving him temporarily mute. “[Is it okay if I write for a few minutes? I want to tell you about something, but it might take some time to get it all down.]”

“Yeah, man, of course,” William replies, pulling out his handheld game and waving it at Deceit. “I’ll just game for a bit, okay? Lemme know when you’re done.”

Deceit nods, before starting in on his letter. For some reason, it feels so  _ freeing  _ to say all these things, even if he’s not really saying them aloud. In all honesty, Deceit still isn’t sure if William is the Side he would want to be sharing these feelings with, but he’s the only one who will listen, and quite possibly, he’s the only one who will truly  _ understand. _ In this moment, with the world around him silent, as William has his game muted, Deceit feels a kinship like no other with his fellow Side, which shouldn’t be so shocking, as they’re all a part of Thomas, but this bond feels  _ different.  _ With the others- save for Conroy, who he views as a son- Deceit feels like they’re all roommates, forced against their will to live under the same roof; at the best of times, they’re watching movies on the couch, laughing at inside jokes, singing off-key in spontaneous duets, and enjoying meals at the same table. At the worst of times, they’re screaming at each other with a lust for blood in their eyes, wrestling each other on the floor until they bruise, shouting out hurtful words that they don’t really mean, and turning their backs on one another in silent defiance. But with William… Deceit feels like something has drastically changed between them.

When did this even happen, and more importantly,  _ why  _ did it happen? Was it because Deceit reached out to William in his time of need, assuring him that he wouldn’t be left to wither away? That’s certainly possible, but that seems more like build-up than a definitive starting point. It probably started right here and now, with William returning Deceit’s favor- which the dishonest Side never intended to have his roommate repay- and coming to be at his side, despite the fact that Romulus and Conroy’s distress is because of him. Is this solidarity? Is this companionship? It’s  _ something,  _ that’s for sure; the playing field has changed, and the rules are different, but Deceit was never given instructions, and now he’s left grasping at straws, desperate for some kind of concrete answer to his questions. Are they brothers now? Close friends? Father and son? Deceit isn’t sure yet, but whatever this is, he never wants it to stop, comforted by these brand new feelings. Shaking his head, Deceit regains his focus, needing to finish his letter… he knows he’ll probably be coming off as preachy, or weird, or even narcissistic, but he  _ desperately  _ needs to speak his mind, and no matter  _ how  _ he says it, Deceit knows William will hear him.

He finishes the letter within a half hour, after which he hands the notebook to William, nudging it against the teen’s knee to get his attention. “Huh?” William asks, confused at first by the brush against his leg, but upon glancing down, he gives Deceit a gentle smirk. “You done now, my man?” He inquires, tone soft when talking to Deceit, but he doesn’t come off as belittling or smothering like Patton sometimes does.

Deceit nods, pushing the notebook against William’s knee again, praying to an unnamed god that he doesn’t come off as too needy. “Alright then, let’s have a look,” William says, taking the notebook from Deceit. Before he even begins reading it, he glances at his fellow Side again, appearing skeptical. “Um… do you want me to read this out loud, or nah?” Upon Deceit frantically shaking his head, the teenager bites back an amused chuckle, simply nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I don’t think I’d want my feelings said out loud either, dude… I’ll let ya know when I’m done.” With that, he dives right in, getting lost in Deceit’s writing.

Unsure of what to do with himself now, Deceit just continues to lay on his bed, unbelievably uncomfortable as he awaits William’s response. Although the conflicted Side has been incredibly kind to Deceit today, the liar can’t help but be anxious after writing such an emotionally charged and revealing letter, feeling exposed and untrusting in the aftermath. In his stressed out state, Deceit twitches and adjusts constantly on his bed, unable to keep still, the anxiety of it all making him nearly vomit. Out of desperation, he finally gathers the energy to sit up, quick to pull his knees to his chest in an attempt to feel safer. Without meaning to, Deceit’s eyes linger on William’s face, trying to gauge the teen’s reaction in advance. William’s eyes are squinted as he struggles to read the letter, causing Deceit to wonder if the other Side needs glasses like Logan and Patton do. That has him very tempted to smirk, amused by the thought of William loudly proclaiming that he doesn’t need glasses, only to turn around and walk face-first into a wall; that’s a pretty cartoony thought, but at least it’s a happier one than most of the ones Deceit’s been having for the past twenty-four hours.

Soon enough, William’s done reading, after which he gives his roommate a  _ very  _ concerned frown. “Damn, man… I had no idea you’ve been  _ feelin’  _ like this,” He admits, his expression one of immense guilt. “I’m sorry for always teasin’ you and Rom… if that’s made things harder-” Again, Deceit cuts William off, patting a hand on his knee. The conflicted Side just nods, understanding the silent order. “I’ve got it, I’ve got it… still, I’m sorry, my dude. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one feelin’ cornered. All these changes, with Conroy bein’ around and Thomas bein’ in middle school… things seriously freaking  _ suck  _ right now,” He glances around almost nervously, struggling to get what he wants to say out. “Look, Dimitri… I don’t know how exactly we’re gonna get through this, but we will, okay? It’s not gonna be easy, but nothing ever is for Sides like us. But sooner or later, Dad’s gonna chill out, Logs is gonna stop bein’ a jerk, Rom will get his head out of his ass, Connie’s gonna stop bein’ so scared, I’m gonna stop being so useless, and you’re gonna be a part of this weird ass family.”

The minute William’s done speaking, Deceit gives up on his notebook altogether, practically tackling the other Side in a tight hug. William stiffens automatically, not all that used to physical affection, on account of him acting so standoffish, but he soon lightens up, savoring the much needed affection. Slowly, both Sides lie down on Deceit’s bed, their legs entangled as they try to get comfortable, neither of them really accustomed to sharing a bed. Deceit does most of the work, as he’s finally beginning to not feel so overwhelmed. Very gently, the two men just lie there and cuddle, the two of them touch starved and desperate for that to change. For William, the only way that he can get contact is through fights, or by forcefully grabbing Sides to garner their attention. For Deceit, he gets a bit of physical love from Romulus, and even more from Conroy, but he’s a naturally quiet and distant Side, feeling more comfortable when no one is around. But here, with the two of them having a closer bond than ever before, Deceit doesn’t feel so horrible about being touched, feeling at ease in the other man’s embrace. William likely shares the same sentiment, refusing to complain about the newfound position.

The next two hours pass without much happening; William falls asleep after about ten minutes of their cuddle session, the exhausted half of him finally winning out, leaving Deceit to continue hugging William’s unconscious body close to himself. In that time, Deceit readjusts, dragging the teenager to lie on his stomach while the dishonest Side lays his back against the mattress, trying to regain some semblance of normality. After a few more minutes of just sitting there, idly combing his fingers through William’s greasy, unkempt hair- the boy’s in dire need of a shower- Deceit summons up one of his many books, trying to find even more comfort through reading, now that he finally has the energy to do so. Time seems to pass in slow motion, the two Sides taking their time in regaining themselves. Although William came here to comfort Deceit, it’s clear that he needed this just as much as him, seeing as everyone’s been avoiding him like the plague. At that thought, Deceit can’t help but huff, hating himself for not coming to William’s aid when no one else would, but at least they’re together now, right? Right, and Deceit has every intention of making sure William never feels abandoned again.

“Dimitri?  _ Darling?” _ Suddenly, a knock raps against the bedroom door, causing Deceit to flinch instinctively. Thankfully for him, this doesn’t rouse William, who’s still out cold. “Dimitri? It’s the king,” Romulus explains, his tone concerned. “May I please come in? I’m starting to really worry about you, dear.”

Deceit hesitates, feeling guilty that he thinks he can talk again, if only because he didn’t regain this ability earlier, when William probably wanted to hear a friendly voice more than anything else. Shaking his head, Deceit shoves the thought away; he may’ve failed William, but he won’t fail his beloved king, too. “You may,” He says, hating how croaky his voice sounds when he speaks, burdened by a lack of use. “But please, do be quiet.”

Romulus gently pushes the door open, looking a tad disappointed by what he sees, for some reason. “Oh… when you said to be quiet, I had hoped Conroy had sought you out for comfort…” He admits, looking unbelievably sorrowful. He steps delicately over to Deceit’s bedside, giving William a tentative look. “Nonetheless, I find myself confused… what on earth is  _ Will  _ doing here? Last I thought, he wasn’t all that fond of this type of comfort.”

Deceit shrugs, still getting used to it himself. “I suppose the poor Side needed this… he’s been suffering like nothing else, ever since he learned what else he represents.” He points out, unknowingly cupping a hand over the back of William’s neck, feeling protective of the teenager.

Romulus gives a curt nod. “That makes sense…” He trails off, before letting out an exhausted sigh, and it’s only now that Deceit sees that he’s sporting a black eye. “Dimitri, darling… I’m sorry I didn’t come to your aid sooner,” He says, tone hushed, both for William’s sake and because he feels so depressed. “I  _ knew  _ that Conroy’s reaction upset you, but I decided to indirectly punish you for your actions by leaving you to stay in here and rot, and that was terrible of me to do. I’m your  _ best  _ friend, and I hope I can keep that title, even after what I did to you. How you raised Conroy was wrong, and I can tell you regret at least  _ some  _ of the things you told that child…” Again, he appears hesitant, but he keeps going anyways. “I will  _ never  _ understand you, Dimitri- honestly, I don’t think anyone in this mind palace ever  _ will-  _ but I care about you so _ much, _ and I’m not about to lose you over one awful, stupid mistake you may have made.”

Deceit isn’t sure what to say at first, befuddled by what the king’s told him. Why on earth is  _ Romulus  _ apologizing!? This is  _ Deceit’s  _ fault, right? He’s the one who lied to Conroy for so long, resulting in all of the problems everyone is now dealing with. Conroy being  _ ‘kidnapped’  _ by Deceit awakened the desire for Justice inside of William, Patton was forced to be depressed for a month and now he’s too clingy out fear of being childless again, Logan may never trust or even  _ tolerate  _ Deceit ever again, Conroy can’t tell what is and isn’t a lie anymore, the king can’t hold his temper and keeps acting weird, and Deceit… well, he’s a mess, and he damn well knows it. Everything is so out of place now, the world feeling forgein and wrong, and for the life of him, Deceit can’t figure out how to fix it. If he comes clean, he may get banished like he’s always feared, and that would be too torturous to bear. If he keeps his secret, it will all someday come crashing down on top of him, and Deceit isn’t sure if he wants to even  _ imagine  _ how catastrophic  _ that  _ would turn out to be. So here he is, stuck between two bad options and a surprisingly self-deprecating king, and Deceit isn’t even sure where to begin.

With William’s silent weight on top of him, Deceit forces himself to snap out of it, if only for everyone else’s sake. He’s messed up so many times before, but he can fix things, right? He can make everything better? He has to… and he  _ will. _ If nothing else, Deceit prays that this newfound desire to make things right will inspire him to actually do just that.

It’s not until later that Deceit will realize, very slowly yet abruptly, that William’s existence as Thomas’s Justice has rubbed off on him due to their close proximity.

“Your majesty,” Deceit finally addresses Romulus, releasing one of his hands from it’s spot on William’s lower back to lay it on the king’s cheek, the dishonest Side tracing Romulus’s black eye with his thumb. _ “I’m _ the one who  _ shouldn’t  _ be sorry…” He stiffens, aware that he’s lying without meaning to again; why does this always have to happen when he’s trying to be more truthful with people!? “Romulus… please,  _ don’t  _ forgive me, but I  _ can’t, _ I  _ won’t-” _

“-It’s _ okay,  _ my dear,” Romulus whispers, grabbing ahold of the hand Deceit set on his cheek. He pulls it down to his mouth, pressing a flurry of butterfly kisses against the other Side’s knuckles. “I know that it’s hard to say the things you want to say… know that I’m here for you, and that even if you can’t say everything in a straightforward manner, I’ll still understand you, my love.”

Deceit feels tears in his eyes, but he won’t let that stop him just yet. “O-Okay,” He stutters, trying to wrap his head around the fact that not one, but  _ two  _ Sides have been willing to work around his troublesome tongue today. Seriously, when did everyone get so damn  _ reasonable  _ around here!? “Well then, I… I  _ don’t  _ love Conroy,” He says, feeling close to vomiting when he says it out loud. “But when I told him the truth, even when I was being honest… it  _ destroyed  _ me, and for the life of me, I can’t… I  _ won’t…” _ Deceit can’t stand the way his mouth works, hating himself more and more. Out of desperation, he presses his forehead desperately against Romulus’s shoulder, beginning to cry his eyes out. “I h-hate this… I h-hate  _ myself.” _ He manages, unable to keep it in any longer.

There are tears running down Romulus’s face in no time, and in a heartbeat, the king scoops Deceit and William both up, taking a seat on the other Side’s bed before lying down, keeping his friends on either side of him, letting them use his shoulders as makeshift pillows. Deceit continues on with his meltdown, feeling utterly wrung out and worthless. Why does he have to be like this? Why is no one else this fucked up? It’s not like Logan can’t make jokes sometimes, or like Patton is incapable of being angry… so why is Deceit trapped by his tongue? Nothing ever works out right for him, and frankly, it feels very unfair. Are other Sides dealing with their own curses? Well, William is more or less becoming the embodiment of executive dysfunction, and Conroy can’t help but overwhelm himself on a daily basis with his over-exaggerated fears… maybe  _ everyone  _ is suffering through their own personal hell, but they’re just quieter about it? Deceit was quiet about it too, at least for awhile, but he just can’t take it anymore. He hates the way his body is actively trying to sabotage his life, and he wants it to stop. The realization that it won’t end- that it can never end, so long as he exists- makes Deceit cry even harder.

“Shh, my precious dragon,” Romulus urges, tone soft and loving. “I know, I know… life is so unfair to you, isn’t it? Making you lie, making you paranoid, making you depressed… I love you, Dimitri, and I always will, no matter what becomes of me or you. Whether we are to die young in this palace, or to grow old in each other’s arms, I shall always love you, and I will never let you go, no matter what you say or do.”

It’s a tragedy, really, that Romulus loves Deceit so unconditionally. At least, that’s what the dishonest Side thinks. In any case, he clings to the man even harder, begging his mind to quiet down and give him some sense of peace, to free him of his suffering. Eventually, it does, if only to let Deceit finally rest his eyes, the liar falling asleep after another half hour of sobbing, one hand clutching the king’s cloak like a lifeline, the other unknowingly interlocking with one of William’s hands. Together, the three Sides stay cuddling together in Deceit’s bedroom, Romulus staying awake awhile longer, but just like his companions, he also finds himself slipping away into his dreams. In the morning, William will be gone, and he’ll never want to talk about this again, at least, not with the king present. Romulus will still be here, and he’ll insist on comforting Deceit, but when he’ll roll over in bed to try and find his best friend, he’ll only discover that the bed is now empty, save for himself. Finally, Deceit will simply continue onward, simultaneously convinced that he has to fix this mess, and doubtful that that’s even  _ possible, _ especially for a Side such as himself.

That doesn’t mean Deceit isn’t willing to try, of course… it just means that he knows it’ll be hard as all hell, and he doubts his life will ever be normal again. Was it ever normal to begin with? He’ll choose to lie and say that it was.

* * *

For the next several hours, Deceit avoids his friends and roommates like the plague, too overcome with his racing thoughts to pay any attention to them. More than once, Romulus tries to approach him from across whichever room they’re both in, but every time, William comes to Deceit’s aid, simply putting his hand on Romulus’s chest and shaking his head, before ushering him away from their mutual friend. Although Romulus’s heartbroken expressions are killing him, Deceit still appreciates William’s help. Indeed, he needs some space, if only so he can collect his thoughts and figure out how to fix his current dilemma. So far, Deceit has written and rewritten numerous letters to pretty much everyone in the mind palace, trying desperately to get his thoughts and feelings out, but no matter how many times he reads them over, he finds that he doesn’t have the heart to give them out just yet; he needs them to be  _ perfect. _ This leads to Deceit holing himself up in his bedroom some more, but this time he leaves the door unlocked, if only to assure his fellow Sides that he’s alright. This, of course, still means he doesn’t partake in any family meals though, resulting in him needing to sneak out late at night to get his fill.

It’s during one of these snack runs that Deceit runs into Conroy for the first time in several days, igniting his brain to run even  _ more  _ wild.

The nostalgia this encounter brings is immeasurable; over two months ago, this is how Deceit initially  _ met  _ Conroy, resulting in the whirlwind that is their lives. Had Deceit not gone looking for the younger Side that night, and considering the fact that Logan launched a search for Paranoia the very next morning, it’s likely that Deceit wouldn’t have gotten the chance to raise him at all. What would Conroy’s name have been, in that universe? His interests? His personality? He’s taken after his primary guardian so well, it’s interesting to think about, but Deceit doesn’t allow the thought to run  _ too  _ rampant, forcing himself to stay focused on the present. When the two Sides run into each other, it’s in the dead of night, everyone else long since having gone to bed. Deceit finds his son in the kitchen, the child unaware of his presence at first, too preoccupied with his search of the bottom pantry. Although it’s probably a little too late to be noticing such a thing, Deceit wonders if Conroy’s anxiety around food is his own fault; after all, the boy could only be fed occasionally when living in his father’s bedroom, so he’s bound to be possessive of food, now that he finally has more access to it.

Shaking his head, Deceit comes to lean against the nearest wall, watching Conroy with a neutral expression on his face. “Evening, Conroy,” He greets, tone fitting the mood. “It’s a little late to be having a meal, isn’t it? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Conroy  _ jolts,  _ frightened by the sudden noise. “Who’s there!?” He asks, whipping his head around, his eyes wide in shock and glinting with the threat of violence. However, upon seeing who it is, Conroy eases up a little, his shoulders slowly sagging. “Oh… it’s just  _ you, _ Papa,” Nervously, the child averts his eyes, appearing almost embarrassed by his reaction. “What’re you doin’ up?”

“I  _ shouldn’t  _ be asking you the same thing,” Deceit points out, easing up as well. To his surprise, Conroy stiffens again, uncomfortable with his father’s words. “Conroy, what’s wrong? Are you… are you still upset with me, son?” All the while, Deceit schools his tongue, willing it to be reasonable, at least for this conversation. It’s one they’ve both been avoiding for some time now, but Deceit will be damned if he doesn’t bury the hatchet soon; he misses his kid.

“Um…  _ kinda?” _ Conroy offers up, still not looking at his mentor. Fitfully, the boy sighs, the burden on his mind too much to bear. “I’m sorry for crying, Papa,” He says, eyes glued to the kitchen tile beneath his feet. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

Deceit huffs at that, unimpressed. “You don’t need to apologize for having an emotional reaction, Conroy,” Deceit insists, not liking how self-deprecating his child is acting. “If anyone should be sorry, it’s  _ me…  _ although I oftentimes can’t keep myself from lying, know that any time I reaffirm my fondness for you, it isn’t a lie. I… I _ assure you,  _ it isn’t.” He tries to make a promise, just like all the other Sides can, but as usual, Deceit just can’t do it.

Conroy simply nods, still not looking up. “I… I  _ know,  _ Papa,” He promises, and although he’s the master of manipulation, Deceit can’t really tell if his son is lying or not. “But I’m still sorry… after I calmed down, Daddy told me the truth; how you can’t stop yourself from lying, even when you don’t want to lie,” His tears drip to the floor, the sound deafening when it’s otherwise so quiet. “It’s just… it’s really _ hard,  _ Papa. I love you- more than anybody else- but I’m also…” He finally turns around to face the older Side, turning his head up to lock eyes with Deceit, his own overflowing with inky black tears. “I’m  _ scared, _ Papa… everything is so much right now, and I want everything to be okay again. I miss you.”

Deceit feels his heart pulse and ache, overcome with empathetic pain. “Oh, Conroy,” He murmurs, keeping his voice low, just how Conroy likes it. He also crouches on the floor, opening his arms to the child. “Come here, my little stormcloud; Papa has missed you, too.”

Conroy immediately begins to weep, running at Deceit and tackling his father in a koala-like hug. He’s quick to begin clinging to Deceit, burying his face in the liar’s cloak in order to hide the fact that he’s crying so hard; honestly, it’s a good thing the cloak is black, or else they’d both fear it staining with Conroy’s tears. Deceit is careful with his little bundle, standing up very slowly before carrying Conroy into the living room and away from the place they first met, half scared the familiar location will make things even worse. Again, the dishonest Side is silently overcome with a strong sense of nostalgia, remembering the first time he held Conroy in his arms like this, the boy lacking both a name and a will to love other people. Now, here in the arms of someone who adores him, Conroy seems trusting enough to love, even if he’s still bawling like a newborn puppy. Deceit finds himself grateful for this, just glad that his son doesn’t fully understand how fucked up their lives are right now… so long as the kid only thinks his father’s unintentional lies are the worst of his problems, that’s fine by Deceit. The two soon take to sitting on the couch together, and although Conroy starts out on his father’s lap, he soon scoots over, coming to sit beside him on the couch, likely wanting a little less physical contact.

After a brief period of silence, Deceit goes for the TV’s remote, turning on the television. He immediately turns down the volume a great deal- William always makes it way too loud for his liking- then fiddles with the remote, clicking through the channels for some source of entertainment. Although Patton has been insistent as of late that they should only have child friendly shows and Disney movies playing when Conroy is in the room, Deceit sort of misses watching programs like The Simpsons and Family Guy, even if he doesn’t particularly like either show; if nothing else, he appreciates their bluntness. In the end, he doesn’t watch either piece of media, eventually landing on a rerun of some adult dark comedy movie. Deceit doesn’t pay the characters on-screen much mind, mostly intrigued by the adult themes and plotlines that they find themselves involved in. Conroy watches the screen with great interest too, finding this  _ far  _ more entertaining than the kid shows he’s been force fed in the past few weeks. Deceit subtly smirks at this, amused by how grim his child acts at times; although he’s the embodiment of anxiety and stress, Conroy seems to love nothing more than subjects revolving around these traits, daring to even seek such things out when left unattended.

Some may consider it bad parenting, to let a young child watch R rated TV shows and movies, but Deceit can’t say he agrees. After all, even if he were to ban such things from his son’s life, he knows that Conroy is clever enough to still get access to them, with or without his father’s consent. Better to let him experience this show by a trusted adult’s side than have him view it completely unattended.

Just as the plot is getting good, and Deceit is curious as to how the movie will end, the channel abruptly changes to a Disney movie, much to his confusion. “What the-!?” He exclaims, turning to look at Conroy, who has the TV remote in his tiny hands. “Conroy, why did you change the channel? I was wa-”

“-Shhh!” Conroy urges, appearing almost frantic.

Before Deceit can further question the boy, Patton and Logan come running into the living room. Patton looks simultaneously concerned and annoyed, while Logan is mostly just irritated, unhappy to be awake this late at night. “What in the  _ world  _ is going on in here!?” Patton asks, tone flabbergasted and upset.

Conroy simply looks away, eyes full of shame and a slight glint of fear. “Um… I dunno, Daddy.” He murmurs, too afraid of Patton to explain himself any further.

Luckily for him, Deceit is here to help. “Paranoia had a nightmare, so I offered to stay up with him and watch a movie until he felt better,” He fibs, shrugging half-heartedly when his fellow Sides continue to stare at him. “What? The boy was troubled, and he needed a distraction.”

“You should’ve come and gotten me,” Patton says, the unhappiness in his voice becoming more obvious, though he tries to hide while in front of his child. “Connie, baby, why didn’t you come wake Daddy up? You know Daddy would’ve comforted you, sweetheart.”

Again, Conroy doesn’t really look at Patton. “I, uh… I dunno.” He repeats, beginning to fiddle with the bottom of his nightshirt.

Logan finally intervenes, struggling not to yawn in front of his peers. “We should just go back to bed and forget this ever happened,” He mutters, too exhausted to take this very seriously. “It’s probable that Conroy simply had another nightmare, and considering his close proximity to Deceit’s bedroom, he most likely sought him out due to convenience; nothing more, nothing less.” He goes for a more logical approach, as would be expected from him, even when he’s this tuckered out.

Patton pulls a face, not liking his friend’s answer all that much. “But… but I’m his  _ Dad,” _ He points out, trying to apply his  _ own  _ form of logic to the situation. “Conroy, were you scared that Daddy would be mad at you if you woke him up? Why didn’t you come get me?” He just won’t let this go, offended that his own child wouldn’t come to him for comfort.

“I… I dunno, Daddy,” Conroy repeats for the third time, tears building up his eyes again. “I’m really sorry.” He’s quick to spew apologizes, afraid of being punished.

“This isn’t something you need to be sorry about, Connie,” Patton assures, though he sure isn’t acting like it isn’t. “Daddy just wants to know  _ why.” _

“Why does this even  _ matter,  _ Morality?” Deceit questions, finally growing sick of Patton’s interrogation of his son. “As Logic pointed out, this meeting was one of convenience. And besides, it was  _ I  _ who sought Conroy out, as I heard him crying from his bedroom.”

Patton’s mood seems to change somewhat, but not for the better. “So why didn’t  _ you  _ come get me, Dee?” He asks, his tone verging on irritated. “You  _ know  _ I want to be a good Daddy to Conroy, so why wouldn’t you let  _ me  _ comfort him? I’d do an  _ amazing  _ job, I promise!” He comes off as nearly desperate, like he needs to prove his parenting abilities to his fellow Side, for fear of potentially  _ losing  _ such an opportunity. “Look, I’ll show you! Come here and let Daddy cuddle with you, baby boy; you must’ve been  _ so  _ scared!” He moves towards the couch, ready to scoop Conroy up.

Before he can get any closer, Logan has ahold of his arm, growing more wakeful due to the tense atmosphere surrounding him. “Patton,  _ what  _ is going  _ on  _ with you!?” He sounds almost exasperated, and maybe he is, after nearly a month of tolerating his friend’s clingy and bad behavior, only to be ignored and pushed away. “Why are you acting so possessive of Conroy? Have you forgotten that we are  _ all  _ mentors in a sense to him? I understand that Deceit is often antagonistic, but he shouldn’t be kept from interacting with Conroy altogether! All of us have the right to parent him.”

“I’m not being  _ possessive!” _ Patton argues, completely ignoring everything else Logan said to him, preferring to just disprove the accusation instead. “How could you even  _ say  _ that to me, Logan? I just wanna be a good Daddy to Conroy, remember? Remember a few weeks ago, when everyone was bullying me? Why are you doing it again?” Tears begin to spill down his cheeks, and although this usually garners others’ sympathy, this only goes to make Deceit more irritated. “I just wanna give Connie a good life, and everyone is getting in the way of that!”

Were it not for his current emotional state, Deceit would probably be able to see the similarities between Patton and Logan’s relationship to the one he shares with the king, but he’s too caught up in his anger to notice. “Oh, just  _ shut up!” _ He snaps, completely done with what he perceives to be nothing more than crocodile tears. “You don’t  _ own  _ Paranoia, Morality, so stop acting like you do! You really think anyone is falling for those tears? Well I’m  _ not!” _

Logan looks like he wants to defend Patton at first… but just as quickly, he averts his gaze, losing his nerve to do so, as he’s just as upset with his friend as Deceit is. Patton, in the meantime, is utterly  _ shocked  _ by the dishonest Side’s outburst. “Dimitri, what’s gotten  _ into  _ you!?” He asks, completely baffled by this sudden change of pace. “What happened to us being friends? Are you really gonna turn on me, too?”

“Friends? Since when are we  _ friends, _ Morality?” Deceit questions, daring to stalk closer towards Patton, his shoulders tense with anticipation. “How long have we been so-called  _ friends, _ Morality? Since I tried to suffocate my instincts so I could be accepted, only to be shunned for behaving too selfishly for your liking? Since you pressured me into giving myself a name because you can’t accept being told  _ no? _ Since I gave up everything I ever loved to try to once again earn your love, only to discover it’s not as wonderful as you make it seem? I’m  _ done  _ playing along with your games, Morality… I’m done with  _ you.” _

Deceit knows he oughta shut up- he oughta backtrack and kiss Patton’s ass until he’s forgiven for acting up- but he can’t bring himself to do that anymore. He’s so  _ sick  _ of this shit; sick of the rules, the lies, the scoldings! All this time, Deceit’s been blaming  _ himself  _ for what’s happening between him and the other Sides, when really, it’s  _ Patton  _ and his ironfisted morality complex that’s been making everything terrible. If it weren’t for Patton’s behavior, Deceit never would’ve felt the need to hide Conroy from him at all, sparing them  _ both  _ from such an awful fate. If it weren’t for Patton’s attitude, Logan wouldn’t be walking on eggshells in his presence and lashing out when the few things he can plan out go awry. If it weren’t for Patton’s rules, Romulus wouldn’t have lied and deceived everyone in order to get around Logan’s plans and give Thomas some more freedom. If it weren’t for Patton’s strictness, William wouldn’t have compressed his emotions and desires until he had a full-blown  _ breakdown  _ over it. If it weren’t for  _ Patton…  _ things would be  _ okay, _ and Thomas wouldn’t have to obey society’s rules by the letter; he would be allowed to do whatever he wants,  _ when  _ he wants, and he wouldn’t have a subpar conscience there to scold him for putting his own desires first!

All in all, Deceit doesn’t see a need in Patton anymore, if there ever was one to begin with.

“Papa, please stop it!” Conroy begs, leaping to stand in-between Deceit and Patton, the tension in the air only thickening as his emotions start to spiral. “We don’t have to fight!”

“Get out of the way, Conroy,” Deceit orders, though all of the venom is pointed towards his target, which is still Patton. “This doesn’t concern you… no need to worry, you’ll thank me later. Once I’m through with him, you’ll never be overwhelmed by his presence again,” He let’s out a low, angry growl, unable to keep from smirking when Patton shivers with dread as a result. “Just get out of the way and close your eyes, my stormcloud… Papa is going to make  _ everything  _ better, you’ll see.”

“Papa?” The word sounds so  _ awkward  _ coming out of Logan’s mouth, his expression one of utter confusion, though it’s gone soon enough, replaced with genuine concern. “Nevermind that right now. Deceit, you  _ need  _ to calm down,” Quickly, he snaps back into action, pushing Conroy aside to get him out of imminent danger, all while moving to take his place in protecting Patton, his body stiff with the expectation of a fight. “Deceit, I understand that you’re frustrated with Patton’s behavior as of late, as am I, but there’s  _ no  _ need to attack him! We can talk this out like adults.”

“Just like how you _ ‘talked it out’  _ with the king?” Deceit asks, practically  _ daring  _ Logan to continue acting all high and mighty. “Don’t think you’re any more mature than _ me, _ Logic… now get out of the way while I fix this mess,” He starts to physically push at Logan, trying to get him out of the way. “All this time, you let me believe  _ I  _ was to blame for our suffering, Morality! But all along, it was  _ you  _ who was suffocating us! I won’t let this injustice go unpunished!”

“What did  _ I  _ do?” Patton can’t help but ask, beyond horrified. He’s taken to backing himself up against the wall, too frightened to make a proper run for it, not that it would do anything but cause Deceit to chase him, though. “Please, Dimitri, be reasonable! You  _ know  _ I’ve never meant any harm by anyone,  _ especially  _ you, kiddo!” He dares to push himself off the wall a little, leaning towards Deceit to flash him a nervous, fake-cheerful smile. “Please calm down, Dee; like Logan said, we don’t  _ need  _ to fight! How about we bake something together instead? Or play a fun little boardgame? We can have a sleepover, and forget all about our little argument,” He stretches his hand out to the other Side, offering him a truce. “It’s okay, kiddo… I’m not mad at you, alright? Come on, Dimitri, let’s-”

“That’s  _ not  _ my  _ name!” _ Deceit bellows, that being the last straw for him tonight as he smacks Patton’s hand away, insulted by the gesture. “God  _ fucking  _ dammit, that’s not my  _ fucking  _ name!” He screeches this as loud as he possibly can, his throat feeling like it’s on fire as he confesses one of his longest held lies to the world.

“It  _ isn’t?” _ Even though he just had his hand smacked- which he’s begun rubbing with his other hand, trying to nurse the newfound bruise his roommate left on him- Patton is too concerned about the admission to pay Deceit’s fury much mind, his usual confusion returning to him. “But Dimitri is such a nice name for you, Dee!”

Deceit just about  _ loses it. _ “I’ll show  _ you  _ a nice name!” He screams, trying to jump over Logan to get at Patton, but he himself is far too short and Logan is far too tall, making such an action very difficult to pull off, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try. “When I get my hands on you, I’ll make you regret ever coming into existence!”

“Papa,  _ please!” _ Conroy begs, eyes overflowing with newfound tears. He runs to his father, clutching his pants for dear life. “Please, Papa, don’t hurt him! Don’t hurt  _ anyone!” _ Out of both frustration and fear, he sits down on the floor and clutches his knees to his chest instead, bawling his eyes out as the room grows darker and darker around him.

“Conroy, it’s going to be okay!” Logan assures in a begging tone, crouching on the floor to grab onto Conroy’s shoulders. He looks frantically up at Deceit and Patton, eyes full of a very  _ real  _ fear. “Deceit, you need to stop  _ right now; _ you’re scaring Conroy! His powers, they’ll make us all-”

“-He’ll feel better when this  _ bastard  _ is gone!” Deceit says, finally given the chance to get at Patton. He  _ lunges  _ at the taller Side, having to jump to catch him by the throat, which he grips with a vengeance. He shoves Patton down against the wall, intent on choking him to death, or at least, as close to death as he can get him.

**“No, Papa! ****_Stop it!”_** Conroy’s grown angry now, looking close to a full-blown tantrum as the frustration overwhelms him. **“Stop hurtin’ him, Papa! Stop it ****_right now!”_** He screams, copying Deceit’s volume to the best of his ability, even growing louder than him.

As this occurs, the room goes pitch black, the only thing the Sides can see being each other; no furniture, no floor, no walls, no  _ nothing! _ Time seems to slow down, everyone getting lost in the ensuing chaos. Logan is trying desperately to pick up and hug Conroy, as words just aren’t getting through to the kid, while Conroy cries ever harder, unable to cope with the abuse he’s been forced to witness. Deceit and Patton end up falling to the floor, the two of them wrestling due to a lack of skill in fighting, as they’re the least likely to fistfight other Sides. Like a beaten and terrified dog, Patton keeps trying to roll over and run, aware that he won’t win, while Deceit keeps using weight to his advantage, making sure to stay on top of the lankier Side to keep him pinned to the floor, where he can continue hurting him. Deep down, in the logical part of his brain, Deceit  _ knows  _ that what he’s doing is  _ incredibly  _ fucked up, but all he can think is that what he’s doing, although it’s unconventional, will  _ help  _ his roommates. Oh  _ sure,  _ Conroy  _ might  _ end up traumatized, but it’ll be worth it, right? Besides, what’s a little more trauma gonna  _ do  _ to the kid? Conroy’s a strong boy; he’ll be fine. If anything, he might even  _ thank  _ his father for doing this someday! For saving him from Patton’s abuse!

Just as Deceit is about to punch Patton in the glasses, hoping to shatter them and get glass in the older Side’s eyes, he hears a shout from down the hall.  **“STOP!”** A voice orders, louder and with more authority than any voice Deceit’s ever heard.

The room goes still. Deceit glances to his left, confused by the sudden sound, but in an instant, he’s being tackled with the force of a freight train by William, sending him rolling off of Patton. Out of instinct more than anything else, Deceit tries fighting back, not taking well to being given a taste of his own medicine, but William is having  _ none  _ of his shit, more than capable of keeping him on the ground. “Get the  _ hell  _ off of me, William!” Deceit growls, and although he’s very mad, he  _ still  _ doesn’t call him Procrastination or Justice. “Let me do what’s right! You and I  _ both  _ know that  _ Morality  _ is to blame for all of this!”

“Dude, you  _ gotta  _ calm down,” William explains, pinning Deceit to the floor in the exact way he did over a month ago. “I get that you’re pissed off, but it’s  _ not  _ your job to handle this sorta shit; it’s  _ mine!  _ Now calm down before I knock your ass out, got it!? I’m  _ not  _ fucking around here!”

“Why are you attacking  _ me!? _ I’m trying to  _ fix  _ this mess!” Deceit continues yelling his head off, still too bloodthirsty to see reason. “Don’t you  _ understand? _ If it weren’t for Morality’s strictness, we wouldn’t all be so _ miserable!  _ We wouldn’t be walking on  _ eggshells!  _ We could all just  _ be!” _

“Darling… that’s  _ enough,” _ Romulus strides into the room from the same way William came, coming to crouch by his best friend’s side, the room seeming to instantly grow brighter due to his calm, authoritative presence. He fixes Deceit with a sorrowful smile, as if he’s truly apologetic. “Sorry, my friend, but Will and everyone else is right; you’re out of control. We can’t have you trying to kill another Side, for goodness’s sake!”

“Why are all of you ganging up on  _ me!?” _ Deceit is so  _ confused, _ baffled that everyone is acting so negatively to what he’s doing. Didn’t they  _ want  _ him to fix things? This is him fixing things! “Why is no one  _ listening  _ to me, goddammit!? I can  _ fix  _ this! Just  _ let  _ me!” He feels so out of place, surrounded by all of his fellow Sides as they simply  _ stare  _ at him, their disappointment too torturous to bear.

Romulus and William exchange a look, not that Deceit can see it all that well from his position on the floor. The king let’s out a long, weary sigh. “I suppose we’ve no choice… knock him out, Will; I’ll take him to the Imagination, see if I can calm him down there.”

William hesitates, uncertain of the king’s orders. “You  _ sure, _ my man? I get that he’s actin’ fuckin’ feral, but he’s not an  _ animal!” _

“Just  _ look  _ at him, William,” Romulus urges, his eyes locked onto Deceit, who’s still struggling under the teenager’s weight. “He’s doing just as terribly as you were a few nights ago… best to make him sleep, and deal with this in a more private environment, where he doesn’t have to worry about an audience.”

In the meantime, Conroy has  finally  calmed down, though black tears are still streaking down his pale face. He’s taken to clinging to Logan’s shirt, his expression one of utter exhaustion as he surveys the scene before him. “Is Papa gonna be okay now?” The little boy asks, still shell shocked by all that’s happening, looking like he wants to help his father, despite all he’s done. “Why is Billy on top of him? Look, you’re hurting him!” He points out, catching onto the wince Deceit is displaying. “Please, don’t hurt him, Billy! I know he was bein’ mean, but he shouldn’t get hit!  _ No one  _ should get hit!” He begins to sniffle, the room itself appearing to shiver as everyone anticipates another breakdown. “Please, Billy… don’t hurt Papa.”

“Sorry, little man,” William apologizes, releasing one hand to ruffle Conroy’s hair, somehow able to still keep Deceit pinned to the floor one-handed. “Don’t you worry though, he’s not gonna be hurt all that bad. He just needs a timeout, okay? No one’s gonna get hurt anymore, I promise.”

“William, I swear, if you-” Deceit goes to cuss William out, only for the conflicted Side to place his once free hand over his mouth, silencing him in an instant.

“Sorry, dude, but this is for your own good,” William explains, sounding well and truly sorry, but that doesn’t really make Deceit feel any better. “You’ll thank me later.”

Before Deceit can continue fighting, he feels a hard  _ smack  _ to the back of his head, and just like that, his vision is being speckled with black dots, until they grow to consume his sight, sending him into an unwanted but very much needed reprieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very rough ending, and again, I can see people viewing everyone in this fic as at least SOMEWHAT unsympathetic, but as the title of this chapter says, it’ll get bad before it gets worse, and worse before it gets better. I wish I could say I don’t hardcore relate sometimes to how Deceit feels in this fic, but… well, here we are. Please comment if you enjoyed this chapter; it would mean a lot to me after all of the work I put into it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi… you’re probably wondering why a new person to this fandom just posted a fic that’s first chapter is over 17k… well, it’s because I have no self control and had a sudden burst of inspiration to write this fic, so yeah. Btw, I knew next to nothing about the unofficial Side known as Sleep/Remy before now, but according to my sister I made Billy just like him… so yeah, sorry about that. What can I say? I love the ”sometimes mean but deep down is an awesome big brother” character archetype, and I think he’ll fit well with the other Sides in this fic. Please comment if you liked this, I’d love to hear what you think!


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